Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013

What a year it has been! I think I can safely say that 2013 was the best year of my life. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, but looking back on everything I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am.

This year started in uncertainty. We wanted to start a family so much but were unsure how to pursue that goal. In December of 2012 we had learned that having a baby naturally was highly unlikely for us. We decided not to do IVF even though our fertility doctor recommended it as the best option. This left us with Clomid or adoption as our options. In January of this year we decided to try Clomid for a month or two and then start the adoption process if we didn't get pregnant. We fully expected to be adopting by the end of January.

In February we got an incredible surprise when that first test showed up with two lines. 2013 has exceeded all my wildest expectations and hopes! I was blessed with a very smooth pregnancy and an uncomplicated natural labor and delivery. And on October 21st, my world changed forever when my beautiful daughter was born.

Looking back I cannot believe how well this past year has gone. I could not be happier or more blessed. God is very good!

January 2013

February 2013


March 2013

April 2013 

May 2013

June 2013 



July 2013 


August 2013 


September 2013 



October 2013 



November 2013


December 2013 




Tuesday, December 10, 2013

What I've Learned: God's Faitfulness

As I look back over the past year of my life I can't help but be amazed and how blessed I am. If you asked me what "best case scenario" would be last Christmas, I probably would have described exactly what transpired over this last year. We got pregnant on our very first medicated cycle; how very fortunate we were! And Charis is such a wonderful blessing! There are no words to describe the love and joy that we feel to have her in our lives. What a gift.

I've been thinking lately about what I've learned through this past year and the experience of infertility over the past few years. I've been trying to think about on what I've learned about God, about trusting him, and how my faith has grown through this. It is very hard to put my finger on. It would be easy to say that I have learned to trust God even when I don't see why certain things happen because He has a perfect, better plan that is better than anything I can ever imagine. That would be easy, and you might believe it. But I don't think I would. Because the truth is, I am so grateful for Charis, but there are other things going on in my life, and I knew the future will hold other struggles, and those struggles are still hard. It is still hard for me to feel peaceful and trusting and content about every aspect of my life. I still desire to control things and wish that I could have things exactly my way. And I don't know why infertility happened to me. I don't exactly see why it was necessary. While I trust God to love me and care for me, I don't think that everything in my life will be the way I want it to be all the time. And I am still learning to trust that God's plan will be better than my plan, because my plans always sound really great to me at the time. 

It is almost a Christian cliche, the idea that if you pray enough, wait long enough, have enough faith, etc. then God will give you whatever you are asking for. I think that having faith in God's providence and care for you, praying to him for the desires of your heart, and waiting patiently are all great things. I think God wants us to do those things. But I know that we will never have faith, wait patiently, or trust in God perfectly. We will never have enough faith or pray fervently enough to deserve anything from God. We cannot make God act. God chooses to act. God does know what is best for us, sometimes it is what we thought we wanted and sometimes it is not, and sometimes bad things happen just because and there is no reason for it at all.

The good news is that God knows that we will never trust him perfectly, he knows that our faith can always be stronger and we can always be more patient. His Holy Spirit living in us is what allows our faith to grow and our patience to increase. The good news is that even when our faith is not strong and when we doubt, God is faithful anyway. God loves us and desires to bless us, and he does so despite our imperfect faith, impatience and doubts.

I think that is what I have learned: even when I am not faithful, even when I do not trust God the way I should, God is always faithful. His love and the way he has blessed me this past year is overwhelming.

As it is Advent, I was listening to a sermon recently about Zechariah. That account from Luke 1 simply blows me away, and I think summarizes what I've learned in this journey about God. In this story Zechariah and Elizabeth are childless, and long to have a child. While Zechariah is serving in the temple , God sends Gabriel, an angel, to tell Zechariah that Elizabeth will have a son. Their son will be John the Baptist, who will prepare the way for Jesus' ministry. When Zechariah hears that God has heard their prayer and is going to answer it, he does not believe it. He doubts God's faithfulness. We've all done that in our own lives, and I know I've been there over the course of this journey. But notice what happens next... God still blesses Zechariah. God doesn't say, "Fine, you didn't believe me. You doubted my love. Your faith is lacking. No kid for you." Sure, Gabriel points out Zechariah's lack of faith, and Zechariah is unable to speak until the baby is born. But God still gives them a baby! God is still faithful to Zechariah despite Zechariah's doubts and unfaithfulness.

And another note about Zechariah and Elizabeth, check out Luke 1:6-7: "And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord.  But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years." The Bible says that Zechariah and Elizabeth were righteous and blameless before God - it wasn't anything they did wrong that caused their infertility, it wasn't a lack of faith that kept them from having a baby, and the reason that they had no child had nothing to do with God or them. The Bible just says that they had no child because Elizabeth was barren. Things just happen. And although it seemed to take forever, and ultimately Zechariah and Elizabeth gave up hope, God was faithful to them and chose to bless them with a child. 

This story doesn't just apply to infertility. We all have things that we ask God for, things that we feel are missing in our lives, and we all struggle with trusting God at times. We want things to be the way we want them to be. But even when we are not faithful, God always is. And even though that may mean an answer to our prayer today, or it may not, we can rely on God's faithfulness. 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Baptized into Christ

Charis was baptized this past Sunday, November 24th. What a beautiful, miraculous moment that was! 

infant baptism, Lutheran baptism





Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14) We believe that in the waters of baptism God sent his Holy Spirit to work faith in Charis' heart so that she can have a saving faith and relationship with her heavenly Father even before she is old enough to understand what that means. After all, we all have flawed understanding and none of us can do anything to participate in our salvation. It is indeed a wonderful blessing that God promises to be with us from the moment of our baptism on, giving us confidence in our salvation in a way that we could never be confident if having faith was "up to us" or something we had to do. 

I have been looking forward to the moment Charis would be baptized since before I knew I was expecting her. Baptisms are such powerful events that I have always teared up when seeing infants baptized in church - I couldn't wait to share that moment with my own children and start on that path of helping my child discover their faith and learn about God. 

Jonathan and I are both very excited about teaching Charis about God and what Jesus has done for her, and reminding her of God's gifts and promises to her in her baptism as she grows older. As we talked about baptism and how we hope to raise Charis and any future children, we both agreed that we hope to make a big deal about our children's baptismal birthdays. After all, baptism is a big deal and should be celebrated! One's baptismal birthday is in many ways more significant than one's actual birthday. On her birthday Charis was born into a sinful world already a sinner, already separated from God for all eternity. The only hope for her was Jesus Christ and the fact that He came and died and rose for her that she could live with Him for all eternity. In her baptism, Charis died to her old sinful self and was re-born into Christ. Still a sinner, but also a saint, also one who is redeemed and one with a saving faith in Jesus and what he has done for her. We were all designed to be in a relationship with God. On her baptismal birthday Charis was born into who she was designed to be. That is worth celebrating! 

As we were talking about the ways we might celebrate or commemorate our children's baptismal birthdays, we discussed whether it would be a good occasion to mark with presents. The two best days in a kid's life tend to be Christmas and their birthday, because on these days they get presents! Presents seem to be the way our culture marks days and holidays as significant and important. I thought about giving presents for baptismal birthdays, but not only does that not seem practical (and honestly the thought of another day of the year to bring stuff into my home makes me cringe - I'm already somewhat dreading the takeover of stuff and toys that will probably mark the next era of my life if I'm not careful), but it also doesn't seem right to me that presents and acquiring more material possessions are necessary to mark a day as special. That's not how I want to raise my kids. Don't get me wrong, I do love to get presents on my birthday, and I love presents at Christmas, but that's plenty! 

After some consideration, we came up with an alternative to presents that will hopefully help us mark these days as special. We are thinking of celebrating baptismal birthdays with family outings or other fun, family events. Something like a trip to the zoo, putt putt golfing, laser tag, going to a movie, or another fun activity that the whole family can enjoy and that will still be something we do not always have the opportunity to do. I know we have a while to figure these things out, but it's good to start thinking ahead. And of course, we will both strive to remind Charis of her baptism daily, not just once a year. After all, no other day in her life will ever be more significant. 

Praise God for all His blessings to us and our little girl!