A Realistic Look at Natural Childbirth

I wrote my birth story just days after our daughter was born. It is raw and fresh, written with a just-been-through-this perspective. Ten months later, I have had some more time to think about and evaluate my experiences, and this post is some of my thoughts on natural childbirth, what I have learned, and what I may do differently next time.

The day I gave birth to my daughter was the best day of my life, to date. I know that the first part of that day - the labor part - was the hardest several hours of my life, but what came after, even just in the few hours immediately following, completely eclipsed the bad and makes that day stand out in my mind and heart.

Even though I remember the day of my daughter's arrival so fondly, looking back I know that it didn't go exactly as I would have liked. There are things I would do differently now, even though I did manage to technically hit all the big goals I had. I was able to labor naturally all the way, spent time on a birthing ball and in the shower, and was able to hold my little girl instantly when she was born and breastfeed within a half hour or less. She was in my arms for the first hour of her life before she was even weighed or bathed, and that time is one of my most cherished memories.

But not everything was perfect. It hurt so much more than I was prepared for. It took forever. I was sent home from the hospital while laboring because I was not progressing fast enough and I refused Pitocin. (I clearly did not need the Pitocin, as my daughter was born naturally 15 hours after it was offered.) I had some coping mechanisms planned, but not enough. Everything went smoothly, but it was extremely painful, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Before giving birth I somehow found myself immersed in the natural childbirth culture. I love the idea of natural childbirth, I value an intervention-free approach, I do not think birth should be treated as a medical emergency, and I think that women should be educated and empowered to birth in the way the feel will be safest and healthiest for their babies and for themselves. But here's the thing - having a baby is very, very painful! It's the worst! My daughter was born at 5:36am, and the five hours before she was born were the worst hours of my life, even though they were followed by the best hours of my life and I have very few regrets. But I think I was expecting something more... bearable? Manageable? Empowering?

4 Truths after 4 Years of Marriage

My husband and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary this week. I thank God every day for my husband and the wonderful marriage we have enjoyed. I feel like when you are newlyweds, society forbids you from giving marriage advice. After all, you're still in the "honeymoon phase" and life hasn't "gotten real" yet. Well, I certainly know what they mean when they refer to the "honeymoon phase." When we got married we were idealistic, didn't believe that we would ever fight, and thought our relationship was "easy."

I have waited patiently to be far enough along in marriage to be "allowed" to give marriage advice, and I'm not sure if four years gives me that right or not. But in the past four years my husband and I have moved three times, both had surgery, dealt with infertility, gone through pregnancy and birth, made it through the "newborn phase" of our firstborn, and parented for almost ten months. So I am finally ready to share a couple words of marriage advice, some things I've learned over the past four years. But honestly, if you had asked me about these things four years ago, I would probably have said the same thing.

1. Be idealistic. 

Engaged couples and newlyweds are notoriously idealistic, and most marriage counselors and well-meaning friends take it upon themselves to dash all their misconceptions by telling them that "it won't always be easy." "Sometimes you'll hate each other." "Marriage is hard work, but worth it." and other similar sentiments. I say, let newlyweds be idealistic! Self-fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, so put it to use for you!

When I'm Hard to Live With {Transparent Tuesday}

Today I'm joining Mel at Our Growing Roots for Transparent Tuesday, a link-up where we can take the opportunity to cast aside the filters we use to depict our lives as always being perfect. My family is in the midst of moving this week, and I think the chaos and stress that goes on during a move is a great example of life's imperfections. So here it is - a transparent, honest look at what moving week is like in our family.

I encourage you to follow this button back to Mel's blog and check out the other posts for the week!

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Just two days from now we will be on the road, moving from our seminary apartment back to Michigan, our home state. We are excited for the next year, thrilled to have the opportunity to live near family and friends, and we cannot wait to meet our new vicarage congregation. There is so much to look forward to, but at the same time, the weeks surrounding a big move can be very stressful and bring out the worst in us.

Shortly after we found out where we would be spending the next year I wrote a post about why I love moving. I do love moving... theoretically, and I don't take back what I wrote in that post, but practically, being in the midst of moving week is much messier than that. I love moving because it gives me the opportunity to simplify my life, to give in to my organized, labeling, obsessive self, and to get rid of things that I don't want or use. But sometimes it feels like moving just creates chaos, messes, stress, and tension in the home.

Parenting at 60 Decisions Per Minute

I have never been good at making decisions. I always agonize over any set of options. From the seemingly easy choices like which ice cream flavor I should go with to the harder things like trying to decide how to spend vacation time or how many hours a week to commit to working, decision making has always caused me stress. Anyone who has shopped with me in Vera Bradley knows this - I will go into the store knowing exactly what I want and be there for an hour trying to decide if that's what I really want to do.

People who are decisive make me envious. I have no idea what it would feel like to just know what I wanted to do all the time and do it without having to deliberate, discuss, sleep on it, and repeat.

I have made a discovery over the past year that will probably come as a surprise to no one - parenting is all about making decisions. All day long, all the time. As my daughter gets older, I find myself making more decisions and having to make them faster. It can be overwhelming!

There's the obvious, big decisions. Vaccines? What to feed her? Sleep training or co-sleeping or both? Very soon we'll be making decisions about disciplining methods, and eventually schooling, and it goes on and on. At least with those decisions you see them coming. You plan them in advance, do research, have conversations, pray about it, and then continually review and revise your decision as time goes on. Those decisions are hard, but they don't take you too much by surprise.

4 Quick Thoughts on Baby Milestones

I was working, sitting on my couch, while my daughter who had just started crawling a week ago played in the living room. I looked up from my computer and there she was, standing up while holding onto our coffee table! "Little Girl! Look at you!" I cried, and reached for my camera to snap a quick picture. She had pulled up to get to the remote control, and was chewing on it, but that didn't seem very important in the moment. I had to remind myself that I should probably take that away from her. But I was so proud!

Naturally when my daughter hits a big milestone I feel this compulsive need to brag about it to everyone I come into contact with. After all, she is so very clever for learning how to crawl, or pull up, or clap or say "Mama"! But there's also this tug at my heart that makes me think, "This is all going so fast! Just a year ago I was pregnant and expectantly looking forward to cuddling my baby girl, and now she's standing up over there and exploring her world and it's almost gone!" I try to resist the urge to long for the past and instead choose to be excited for all she is learning and going to do in the next year and beyond, but time sure does fly! Milestones bring such a wave of emotions, don't they?

Baby milestones are always a popular topic among parents, especially moms of little ones. It makes for good conversation and it offers up opportunities for us all to brag about our kids. But sometimes it can feel like a competition. And sometimes it seems to cause anxiety when our babies don't do certain things when we think they should.