30 Weeks

As of Thursday this past week, I'm officially 30 weeks pregnant.

Taken at 29 weeks.

On many days I still can't believe this is happening for me. How can such a wonderful blessing really be mine? How is it possible that two months from now I could be holding my daughter in my arms? How can God be so good and loving and gracious to me?

I feel her move regularly now, often throughout the day. I don't know if it's just my perception or not, but I feel like she's already developing so much personality! Sometimes I think I feel her foot (or some appendage) pressed up against my side, but when I feel it she immediately pulls it away. She's so sneaky! Every move she makes in there feels adorable to me. I don't know how to describe it, but I already know she's cute because her little movements feel so precious and sweet!

I already love her so much and I just wish there was more I could do for her right now. I know that she's just in there growing, and there's not a lot I can do for her beyond eating well, resting, and waiting for her to be ready to come out, but I just feel like that isn't enough. I feel the need to get everything ready and have it all together before she gets here. Hopefully I can do that! But there is still so much that needs to be done. I need to pick a pediatrician, we need to get her furniture and get the rooms rearranged. There just feels like there's so much to do!

And yet I'm sitting here on a Saturday and I can't call pediatricians because they're all closed on weekends, and we don't have any furniture yet so I can't arrange that... I'm just sitting here, waiting. I definitely feel the urge to nest, but there's nothing I can do today. So I'm just sitting here, feeling her move around in there, waiting...

But as I sit here waiting, I feel so very blessed. God has been so incredibly good to me. I know how much I struggled to understand why before I got pregnant. And I know that I didn't always trust God to answer my prayers. I didn't know if he would give me this incredible gift or not. And I still don't know why. I don't know why we struggled, and I don't know why our prayers were answered. I don't know why I have been blessed in this way while others continue to wait. I know that life is never fair. But today, I am so happy. Today I feel my daughter moving, kicking, poking and prodding at me, and I can't stop thinking of this verse:

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me the desires of my heart." ~ 1 Samuel 1:27

Words fail me. How can I ever express how grateful I am, or how incredibly blessed I feel?