The Other Side of Pregnancy Announcements

One of the most emotional aspects of being on the other side of infertility is knowing how to deal with pregnancy and birth announcements as both a proud mother and as someone who has been in the shoes of those who would give everything to be making similar announcements. Every time I post a baby picture, part of me cringes and hopes and prays that no one will cry or mourn when they see it. When I announced my first pregnancy I did so while publicly letting people know that we had struggled to get pregnant and that this baby was a wonderful miracle and blessing. I didn't want anyone to be hurt, but at the same time, I knew that hurt was inevitable.


When you are going through miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or infertility, one of the very hardest things to see is reminders of other people's good news and happy lives. It isn't fair, and you know it. When I was in that position and I would scroll past a new pregnancy announcement my emotions would cycle through something like an intense, stabbing pain, followed by a moment of resentment, followed by overwhelming guilt, because how could I not be happy for my friend or acquaintance in their time of joy? I would then force myself to comment and congratulate them, and if I was doing really well, I would even muster enough energy to use an exclamation point in my comment. I would remind myself that everyone's story was different, that every baby was a wonderful blessing from God, planned, unplanned, worked and waited for, or a complete surprise. I would remind myself that everyone has their own struggles, and just because someone else would never experience infertility didn't mean that their life was easy or unaffected by sin and suffering of some other kind. And after giving myself this little pep talk, I would still mope around and feel sorry for myself for a little while, grieving for what I did not have.

The last thing I ever want to do is cause pain of this kind to anyone I know or care about, or indeed to anyone at all. I don't always know which of my friends or loved ones are dealing with infertility, and I don't know who might be grieving a loss of a child who was never born. I grieve with them, even though I don't know who they are all the time, and I want to protect them from seeing anything on my Facebook or otherwise that might bring up their feelings of hurt.

But then, I'm also a mother. I do have a daughter, and she is one of the greatest blessings of my life. And I'm expecting another child, a complete surprise, just like his or her big sister, and an unexpected blessing from God. And I cannot do anything other than celebrate God's gifts and share my joy with those I know. Because to not declare to the world the good things that God is doing in my life wouldn't make sense.

So I hold these two ideas in tension as best I can, and when I post my second pregnancy announcement I don't apologize for my happiness or God's blessings in my life, but I do pray for those who may read my post and feel sadness. Because it isn't my post really that they're sad about. They're grieving a very real loss, a personal loss, and they deserve that time to feel sad and to process. They don't have to be able to put their feelings aside and be happy for me. It's okay.

I hope and pray that if that is you today, who saw someone's baby announcement and felt sad, that you would be comforted as only God can comfort. And I also pray that you would have that blessing you long for, all in God's timing, and that in the mean time, you would find the support and love you need to be where you are. It's so hard, putting our trust in God and letting go of control. It feels impossible. But God can really do anything. And even though he rarely ever works on our timetable, when he does work, it is amazing and always better than what we expected.