Can We Really "Do It All"?

Where did all those summer days go? In some ways each day was just like the one before and the one after, and yet but each one was so special. How can it be that my little girl has been moving around, exploring, and playing on her own for over four months now? How can it be that the whole summer went by, all those walks, the sunshine, the easy afternoons cuddling my daughter and nursing her to sleep, then after nap time waiting expectantly for "Daddy" to get home, then dinner together, then a quiet evening or perhaps another walk or outing... The whole summer went by like that, and now here we are - it is fall, and we are just a month away from a first birthday party.

What was I doing with all of those days?

I look at my beautiful daughter these days, and I am in awe of how smart she is, how well she understands me, how much she loves life. She is such a happy, energetic little girl, and I wish I could see the world through her eyes. I spend so much of my day with her, and yet looking back, I wonder how many of those summer days with her slipped by me while I worked on getting things done in spite of her.

We all have our to-do lists. There are so many things that need to be done on any given day, and all of them important. There's cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning up after meals. There's laundry, vacuuming, household chores. There's my job - trying to get a few hours of actual paid work done each day. There's blogging, which is my outlet, my way of relaxing, processing, and doing something that is just for me, but also might be encouraging to others. There's my dream of a social life - play dates, having company over, going to visit people, going to football games or other fun activities. And at the same time that I try to get all of these things done, I am taking care of our baby girl.

So many times I have gotten out of bed and worked as hard as I could to time the naps just right and my tasks just right so that I can get as much as possible done and still have a happy child. But when I set out with all these tasks as my goal it is so easy to slip into thinking of my daughter as the obstacle course that prevents me from accomplishing the things I need to do.

I need to stop thinking like that.

Because all those summer days slip away so fast, and I'm left here trying to get things done, looking back, and realizing that my summer with Baby Girl is gone forever and will never come back. Next summer she will be running around the yard, coming in and talking and telling me how it is, and then running around some more probably. It will be glorious. I can't wait to see what she has to say and continue to see what she loves and who she is. But the summer with her as a baby is gone. I hope I didn't spend all of it just trying to get things done.

I know I didn't, because there were many days where I got nothing done, if you ask my to-do list. There are days where other than sitting with my baby, feeding my baby, reading to my baby, and maybe playing with some toys, nothing else happened. But those things that feel like getting nothing done create the memories that last and build the relationship that matters.

To-do lists are important, and things have to get done. We have to eat, we can't live in clutter, and I need to get work done sometimes. But what is more important to me - spending quality time with my daughter or getting all those boxes checked? The answer is obvious.

I don't need to tell you to put your children first. I don't need to remind anyone reading this that building relationships and making memories matter more than sweeping, cooking, making money, or doing dishes. We all know that. But sometimes the people we love most slip into that second place position just because they'll always be there and this needs to get done now! I just want to encourage myself and anyone else who has been here that your children may always be around, but you won't ever have this moment back. There will be a next time, but there won't be this time again. And even if my daughter can't remember this year of her life when she's an adult, the relationship we build now is the foundation for the years that she will remember.

So today I am suggesting that it is okay not to get everything done. It is okay to put relationships first. If you have a baby, that may mean just sitting on the floor and chatting with them, reading to them, or watching them explore sometimes. For me, I have been enjoying holding my daughter while she naps a lot these days. (Now, part of this is due to the fact that she's really hard to set down without waking up, and she's not sleep-trained. But I love the cuddles, and being there holding her when she wakes up.) I am tempted sometimes to feel guilty about all the things I could be getting done while she sleeps. And maybe I should find a way to set her down, but honestly, I don't want to. I want to hold her, to cuddle her, and to make the most of this very short time when she is little. Because I can see every day that those days are passing quickly.

If the unaccomplished to-do list still haunts you, try looking at it this way. But no matter how you decide to look at it, just remember that it isn't about getting all that busywork done in spite of your children. Rather, the most important work of all is your children or family, whoever it is that God has placed in your life for you to care for. So when we're working on dishes, cooking, cleaning, or doing our jobs, remember why those things matter. They matter because of the people we do them for. And sometimes those people need our presence more than they need our efforts.