Peace

A few weeks ago I was having a horrible time with everything.  I was stressed and worried that I would never find a job, and I was feeling like God did not care about me because we didn't have a baby yet.  I've felt that way before, but it was a very low week for me.

I asked J to pray for me, because I was having trouble praying.  I asked him to pray for peace and joy, and that I would be able to be content with my situation and continue to trust in God.  Slowly things started to feel better and turn around.

Nothing has technically changed since then.  I still do not have a job lined up for the fall, and we still are not much further on our journey towards starting a family.  It has been three weeks and nothing is 'better'.  But I do feel that peace.  I can pray now, and I feel that God is reaching down to me and reassuring me that it will all be okay.  The last two weeks going to church has been an encouraging experience instead of a disheartening one, as I mentioned in a previous post that I felt it had become.  I felt like the Bible passages and words from the sermon were just for me and encouraged me that God had wonderful plans in store for me even if I could not see them.

Right now I am on vacation and visiting family.  I find that when I am around family I want a baby even more than when it is just J and I (if that is possible!).  It is incredibly difficult, because people allude to when we have kids in conversation, and I have to just brush past that comment like it does not make my heart ache.  But even though I feel that I want a baby now more than ever, I still feel calm and peaceful about it.  I can't say with full confidence that it will happen, but I can say with confidence that everything will be okay, life will go on, and God loves me and has a plan for my life.

Praise God for giving me a taste of this peace!  I hope it lasts.