A Plan?

Well, we kind of have a plan. For now we will be trying Clomid. It isn't overly expensive, and it might work, so really there is no good reason not to try the medication route. It does involve a little more than I originally thought it would, but if this ends up being it for us, it will be so very worth it.

You would think that it would feel good to have a game plan, but honestly my heart isn't in it. I still want a baby so much, but I am so tired of trying. It is just so discouraging every single month. Even when I work really hard at not being hopeful, I can't help but get my hopes up a little bit, and it always leads to disappointment. After over 18 months of disappointment after disappointment, I am really feeling done. I just don't want to try any more. I realize that this sounds like I'm depressed - I'm really not. I just don't feel like putting the emotional effort into trying this new Clomid plan. Because statistically speaking, it will probably fail, and I will just have to survive through more months of disappointment.

But on the positive side, I really believe that we will have a baby soon one way or another. We have talked a lot about what we are going to do if this doesn't work, and we have decided for sure that we will not do IVF. This means that there really isn't a lot left to try - since IUI is not going to be productive and IVF is off the table, this medication route is really the last option. Once we have tried this we are going to move on to considering adoption. And really, I am very, very excited about that idea!