My Prayer

This probably goes without saying, but my husband and I have been praying that God would allow us to start a family for years now. My prayers have evolved, though, over that time-frame. In the beginning the prayer was always that I would be pregnant. Today I pray for a child. I used to pray that my husband and I would make a baby together. Now I pray that we would have a baby to hold and love and raise. I can honestly say in all seriousness that I do not care if I get pregnant or if we adopt. I do not care. I would love any baby that was mine to love, and whether or not we're genetically related doesn't matter. Does this mean that I don't want to be pregnant or that I wouldn't be absolutely ecstatic to be pregnant? No, of course not! I would LOVE to be pregnant more than almost anything! But what I would love even more would be to have a baby. One way or another. However God sees fit to give one.

This month I took Clomid, my doctor did some monitoring, and a few days ago I took an HCG trigger shot to help me ovulate. It's a lot more than we've ever been able to try before. And although it still doesn't give us good odds, I have been more hopeful than I've been any month in a year. I am so excited at just the possibility that this might happen for us and we might have a baby. And getting to be pregnant - that would be a bonus!

But as I've prayed for a baby this month, I find myself asking not "Please let this work and let me get pregnant" but rather "Please help us start our family soon, in whatever way you have planned for us." We have talked about adoption and are going to an information meeting with Bethany Christian Services next week, just to start to educate ourselves and explore possibilities. I have started to get really excited about adopting, and I truly mean it when I say that at this point, any way God sees fit to expand our family is fine with me! Jonathan and I have already decided that no matter what happens in the short term, we really do want to adopt some day. Only God knows what He has in store for us, but I am excited for whatever it is and my prayer is that it will happen soon.

I do appreciate the thoughts and prayers of all my family and friends. If you read this, please pray for us that God would expand our family, that His plan for us would be greater than our plans for ourselves, that we would have some direction and idea of how we will grow our family soon, and of course, that we would be able to be patient in the meantime.