Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A Realistic Look at Natural Childbirth

I wrote my birth story just days after our daughter was born. It is raw and fresh, written with a just-been-through-this perspective. Ten months later, I have had some more time to think about and evaluate my experiences, and this post is some of my thoughts on natural childbirth, what I have learned, and what I may do differently next time.




The day I gave birth to my daughter was the best day of my life, to date. I know that the first part of that day - the labor part - was the hardest several hours of my life, but what came after, even just in the few hours immediately following, completely eclipsed the bad and makes that day stand out in my mind and heart.

Even though I remember the day of my daughter's arrival so fondly, looking back I know that it didn't go exactly as I would have liked. There are things I would do differently now, even though I did manage to technically hit all the big goals I had. I was able to labor naturally all the way, spent time on a birthing ball and in the shower, and was able to hold my little girl instantly when she was born and breastfeed within a half hour or less. She was in my arms for the first hour of her life before she was even weighed or bathed, and that time is one of my most cherished memories.

But not everything was perfect. It hurt so much more than I was prepared for. It took forever. I was sent home from the hospital while laboring because I was not progressing fast enough and I refused Pitocin. (I clearly did not need the Pitocin, as my daughter was born naturally 15 hours after it was offered.) I had some coping mechanisms planned, but not enough. Everything went smoothly, but it was extremely painful, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Before giving birth I somehow found myself immersed in the natural childbirth culture. I love the idea of natural childbirth, I value an intervention-free approach, I do not think birth should be treated as a medical emergency, and I think that women should be educated and empowered to birth in the way the feel will be safest and healthiest for their babies and for themselves. But here's the thing - having a baby is very, very painful! It's the worst! My daughter was born at 5:36am, and the five hours before she was born were the worst hours of my life, even though they were followed by the best hours of my life and I have very few regrets. But I think I was expecting something more... bearable? Manageable? Empowering?

I am glad that I gave birth naturally because I know it was healthy for me and my baby, but I also fully admit that my birth experience would probably have been much more pleasant with an epidural. But here is my fundamental belief about giving birth - no experience is worth sacrificing the safety of the mother and the baby. No experience at all.

I think that is where we need to find more balance in our advocacy of natural birth. I love the movement away from interventions toward a more natural experience, but I think we need to realize two things - First, birth is hard and uncomfortable. It is painful and somewhat dangerous. It is beautiful and incredible and difficult and challenging. It is okay to admit that the entire experience of giving birth was not wonderful from start to finish. After all, the pain of childbirth was part of the curse. Second, when we emphasize the experience of giving birth, we run the risk of women who have a challenging experience feeling that they did something wrong, and we also run the risk of women compromising the safety of their baby for an experience that only lasts a day or two. The reason to avoid interventions is not for the experience, but because it is usually healthy to do so.

For me, this means that if I am blessed with the opportunity to give birth again, I plan to have a much more detailed birth plan and I plan to carefully evaluate and consider where I deliver a baby.

Why You Should Have a Birth Plan

I have often heard people I know say that "The women who come in to the hospital with birth plans always are so hard to work with, and frequently end up having horrible experiences when their births do not go according to their plans." I am sure that this is sometimes true. My take on plans of any kind are that they are great to have, but life never goes according to plan. 

After the birth of my daughter, my second favorite day to remember is my wedding day. Now, no one is ever crazy enough to tell you not to plan for your wedding. And yet every bride knows that a wedding will never go off perfectly according to plan. Something will go wrong, something will not work out quite right, but at the end of the day, you're married to the love of your life, and that is what matters. Birth plans should be like that. Have a plan! Have a good one that you love. But no matter what happens, at the end of the day, you will hold your baby in your arms and that is what matters. 

I wish I had been more prepared with strategies and techniques for managing pain before I went into natural childbirth. I hope that if I do it again, I will be able to research and find some tools that will be useful. But on the other hand I realize that when you haven't slept for two days and you are giving birth for the first time after 20+ hours of labor, coping strategies may not mean much. I also wish I had asked my OB a few more questions and talked about some specifics that I did not think about or was too embarrassed to bring up beforehand. A birth plan is not supposed to be a set of demands that you hand to your doctor and insist upon. A birth plan should be a tool that you use to make sure you have thought through your options and communicated about them clearly. But at the end of the day, just like any other plan, things may change, and that's okay.

Deciding Where to Deliver

I was blessed to deliver at a wonderful hospital that regularly does natural, medication-free childbirth. The nurse I had was incredible and rarely left my side during the last five hours. She was the best part of the experience for me. That hospital is in St. Louis, and being a future pastor's wife, it is unlikely that I will be able to have future babies there (unless we time it just right...). So I know that if I have another baby I will have to make the decision about where to give birth all over again. 

After looking back on my experience the first time, I know that I want an environment that is supportive of natural childbirth and as peaceful as possible. I also want somewhere where I feel safe. Sometimes babies are born with complications that no one saw coming, and if that happens I want to be in or next door to a hospital that can handle the situation. I have thought about home birth and birthing centers, and I am open to considering them in the future, but I believe that I would only consider them if I did not have a hospital nearby that I felt was safe and supportive for me and my baby. I would not choose to give birth in any particular environment for the experience alone. It must seem like the safest option. 

No matter where you give birth, you are going to have a beautiful experience when you hold your child for the first time. But also, no matter where you give birth you could have a traumatic, difficult, painful experience, because giving birth is like that! It is unpredictable even though it is natural. It is risky even though it is normal. It is beautiful even though it is hard.


Anyone who has added a child to their family through whatever means knows the significance of those first moments when you meet or hold your child for the first time. It is such a paradox, but even after over 27 hours of labor, and remembering full well that one of the first things I said to my husband after it was all over was, "We are never, ever doing that again," I now want so badly to feel the rush of welcoming a child into the world. The experience of seeing my little girl and holding her for the first time was magical - part of me has been longing to get back to that moment every day since my little girl was born.

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