My Favorite Time of Day

Funny, isn't it, how even though we love our children more than we can describe, even though we think they're so sweet, funny, clever and delightful, even though we look at them with such awe and wonder as they grow bigger and smarter each day, despite all that... Sometimes "nap time" is still our favorite time of day.

Maybe I don't speak for you, but that's where I am right now. I have a beautiful and smart little girl who is one of my all-time favorite people to be around and I have a cuddly, sweet baby boy who is so sweet and laid back and is starting to smile and interact with me more and more. They are my favorites and I love spending each day with them, but the peace and quiet of nap time is the time of day that I live for. Sometimes I just need an hour to myself.

When I get that hour and I have some quiet time to think, often I'm struck with a sense of disbelief... I can't believe this is my life!

This is our last year at seminary. When my husband first started studying here three years ago it was just the two of us. We wanted kids, but we had been struggling to get pregnant. We had just gotten the diagnosis of infertility, and it was an incredibly difficult time. The seminary is a very hard place to be childless if not by choice. One of the things I love about this place is all the families and young children. The playgrounds, the play dates, just the joy of living alongside other families who we have so much in common with. But our first year, it was like being on the outside, staring into a world that I would have given anything to join. 

While we were trying to get pregnant I would fantasize about our life at the seminary with our little family. I remember moving into our two-bedroom apartment, unpacking, and then walking into the second bedroom which was set up as a study and crying. All I could see when I walked in was where I thought we would put the crib, where the rocking chair would be, and instead there were just bookshelves and a desk. Now we're back at the seminary after our vicarage year, and here I am, literally living my dream. 

I take my two kids to the park most mornings, where my daughter has many little buddies her age to play with. I get to stay home with them most of the time, and it is magical. It is everything I dreamed it would be and more. And yet nap time is still my favorite time of day...

Because even though it is beautiful and precious and what I want to be doing more than anything, it is still incredibly hard. Today I need sleep. Last night I saw every hour on the clock (except maybe 2am... but still, that's not that great). We're busy balancing jobs, school, time with our kids, time together as a couple. We're on a very tight budget, and this week the good coffee wasn't on sale, so we're drinking cheap coffee. (Because going without isn't an option... see the sleep deprivation mentioned above.) But these are the problems I want to be having. These are the struggles that make me smile to go through, because I am so blessed. This is exactly where I need to be right now. 

And yet... nap time is still my favorite.