Embracing Uncertainty

There is so much we can't know or anticipate about the future. We can always make plans, and as a planner, I always do. We can create lists, family goals for how many children we hope to have, financial goals for how much money we hope to make or save or spend on a house, career goals for what we want to do and where we want to live... Plans for how we will raise and educate our children. Plans for what parenting mistakes we will be sure never to make. Plans for where and how our next birth experience will go... The list goes on forever. We all like to plan, and we all like to feel control and autonomy over our future. But the more we plan, the more opportunities we have to learn about what happens when life doesn't go according to our plans.

I have discovered that I do not always know what is best for my family.

I have been guilty of thinking that I knew exactly how I would parent in a given situation, then getting there and doing something different because what I thought I would do just felt wrong.

I have made the mistake of thinking that if we lived in one state versus another I would be happier or have a higher quality of life.

I have stressed over what kind of church we would get called to, what kind of town we would live in, and whether or not there would be a grocery store there that met with my approval.

I have worried about things I have no control over, like how loved ones choose to live, what they choose to do with their life, or how they choose to behave.

Sometimes I fall into the habit of being anxious about the future, even though time and time again God shows me that he always comes through and things always work out one way or another.

All of these things that I listed are important things. If you have worried about how you parent, where you live, how your future will look, or about people that you love, that is probably because these things matter to you, and of course they should! But we don't have to worry about them. We can trust God to work through all those situations, and he will!

Of course, in some of these situations we do have an element of control. It is so important to pray for God to help us be in his will, and not just do what is most comfortable or most secure for us. Some situations are completely outside of our control though. In both types of situations it is important to remember that God had ultimate control, and even if things go badly, God will walk with us through those times as well.

I know, love and serve a God who is trustworthy, faithful, and loving. Life will never be perfect, things will always be uncertain, and I will never be able to make perfect plans. But I can trust God. God is perfect, he is certain, and his plan to save and redeem us all through his Son is perfect, and is already complete in Christ's death and resurrection. 

Knowing this, I can look into the future, where I don't know exactly where we will live in five months, where we don't know where we will be called to serve next year after seminary, where I don't know how many kids we will have, what kind of home we will live in, how our careers will go, how close we will be to family... I can look at all of this uncertainty and remember that the one thing that matters most is 100% certain. I can trust my God who has already done so much for me to provide.

I have learned that having things that I thought I wanted doesn't make me happy. What state I live in doesn't change my overall happiness level. How much money we have doesn't change my contentment. What car I drive doesn't matter one bit in determining my mood while I'm driving it. The things that make me happy are my family. My husband makes me happy. My daughter makes me happy. Looking forward to meeting my son in a few months makes me happy. I am happy when I am serving, caring for and spending time with these people God has called me to serve. I am content when I can give my happiness over to God and trust Him with the future.

Of course, we are human and sometimes we're not happy. Sometimes bad things happen that make us sad. Sometimes a good plan that would have been honoring to God falls through, because the world is fallen and bad things happen. Grieving for these things is okay. God grieves with us, and is there with us through it all. But I am continuing to learn that the more I am able to trust God with the uncertainties of life, the more content and at peace I feel. I will never be able to trust perfectly, because I am not perfect, but I am learning to focus more on the things that matter and let go of the rest. As with everything else, it is a process, but God meets us where we are, and walks with us through life's uncertainties.