"Let's Have Seven Children!"

As we sat in the coffee shop at our community college over six years ago, our relationship still young and fresh, we jumped into all those big questions with enthusiasm. "How many kids do you want?" I can't remember which of us answered first, but I remember my answer. "At least seven!" I think he was a little surprised, but if I recall correctly he responded with, "Okay, sure, we can do that," or something along those lines. I was so excited that we were on the same page about having a large family.

I never let go of that vision. My dream even before we started dating was to be a stay-at-home mom with "at least seven" children, homeschooling all of them and being there for everything. I knew that would be challenging. I don't think I romanticized it too much (although I'm sure I romanticized it some) because my mom stayed at home and homeschooled me and my siblings. I had several friends and acquaintances that had large families, and I knew that that was what I wanted. 

I don't think wanting to be a stay-at-home mom means I lack ambition. I do feel that society tends to tell women that "they can do it all," implying that they should do it all. Well, I don't want to do it all! I just want to do the mom thing and do it really, really well. And you know what? I think that's crazy ambitious! There are not that many people these days that want to have that many kids, and while many moms choose to stay at home, many more go back to the work force, especially after their children are school-aged. I checked the census data (because I'm cool that way) and in 2009 5% of women in the United States between the ages of 15 and 44 had four or more kids. And while I don't have the numbers, I don't imagine that all of them want to stay at home and educate all their kids themselves. That's probably a fairly elite group! So tell me again how I'm not ambitious, World. 

I think that having children and raising them to know Christ and to live out their faith in the world and in their future vocations is the single most important thing I could do with my life. I don't want to let anyone else raise my children for me, and I am absolutely excited about the prospect of homeschooling and spending all that priceless time with my children. As I spend my days with my daughter, I realize that she grows up so fast. I look at her each day and she's bigger and doing more things than she was doing the day before. I feel like I just gave birth yesterday and the first year of her life is already over a third of the way over. I can't imagine letting someone else experience this time for me. I treasure every minute. 

But as you know if you've followed my blog, it's complicated. I have learned over the past few years that you don't just decide how many kids you're going to have, have that many, and then just enjoy it. Sometimes life doesn't work that way. Growing up as a homeschooler, I was around a lot of big families. I thought it would be so neat to have that many kids, and I looked at what the mothers did - got married young, started having kids somewhere between the ages of 18 and 22, and just kept going - and I thought that looked pretty doable. As I discussed in my post from 2012, Career Crisis, when I realized that this might not be possible for us, it was devastating. Of course, that summer I was still processing and dealing with our infertility diagnosis, and I didn't know that our little girl was coming the following year. 

Now my daughter is here, and I do not feel that devastation and sadness anymore. I have her, and she is delightful! She lights up my life every day, and I can't imagine my life without her. As I hold her and enjoy her baby snuggles, I realize that this snuggly stage will be short in contrast to the rest of her childhood, and that her childhood itself will fly by, probably even faster than the last four months have gone. I think having a baby to hold and care for is going to prove addicting! Don't worry, I'm not there yet, but I can sense that as she grows out of babyhood I'm going to want another one! And while I know I can cross that bridge later, after what we went through before she was born, there is a fear lurking in the back of my mind that reminds me it may not be simple and it probably won't "just happen." I suppress this fear as fast as I can, because these days are the days to enjoy my little girl and treasure these months together. But as I watch her grow and learn and as I see her personality developing and shining through, I often wonder, What kind of a big sister will she prove to be? How is she going to interact with her future siblings? Will she have a sister who will be her best friend? 

I would still love to give my daughter the joy of lots of siblings. I want her to have those built in childhood companions and those friends for life. And I believe that a big family is possible for us. But of course, fear of the unknown scares me. And for us, there are a lot of unknowns given the past few years. I am still ambitious. I still would love a family with "at least seven" children. What a blessing that would be! But I would settle for four. In fact, I would feel incredibly blessed with four. For that matter, I would feel blessed with just one or two more. You know what? Even if we never have another, I feel blessed!

Ladies (and Gentleman), don't let the world tell you that having a family and raising your kids isn't ambitious. And don't let the world tell you that having a lot of children is careless, unintentional, or something to be avoided. Big families are beautiful, and they are blessings. Also, if something has gotten in the way of your dream to have a big family, you are not alone. Whether you thought you would have found your husband or wife by now, or whether you thought you would have kids by now, or whatever the obstacle is, know that you are not alone. It's okay to be ambitious, and it's okay if that ambition is to have a big family. In fact, it's a wonderful and God-pleasing ambition! 

We had a lot of good conversations in that coffee shop in those first few months before we started dating. I think the question even came up, "Would you ever consider adopting?" (What kind of high school seniors who have been dating for three months talk about that? I don't know, but we did.) And we both said, "Yes, definitely." So you know what, we have both decided that no matter what happens, one way or the other, we will have more kids. It is our calling, our vocation, and we are excited about it!