"When I'm a Mom I'll Do Better..."

I think every mom (or parent for that matter) has a picture in their head of the ideal parent they want to be. For me, Ideal Christa gets up every morning at the same time each day, grabs a cup of coffee, reads her Bible and has some quiet prayer time, gets her daughter out of bed, feeds her, eats breakfast, and then starts the day. In the course of the day, Ideal Christa gets a healthy, delicious dinner prepared with at least two or three side-dishes, does a couple loads of laundry, maybe puts in a few hours of work from home, but still manages to read to her daughter, spend lots of time playing together, has time to snuggle on the couch, and takes a 45 minute walk with her little girl in the stroller.  Oh, and the house is always clean. I have discovered that sadly, Ideal Christa is as fictitious as Frodo Baggins, Obi-Wan Kenobi, or my favorite characters from Grey's Anatomy. She just doesn't exist. I keep trying to find her though. Sometimes I find pieces of her, but then other parts go.

Before I was pregnant or had a daughter I had a mental list of habits that I was going to quit before I had kids. Mostly these were habits I developed in college, things I knew I didn't want to have be central to my family, but things that were just too easy and natural to do at the time. I always consoled myself by thinking I would cut back on TV, stop watching so much Netflix, only listen to 100% wholesome music, cut certain words out of my vocabulary, start exercising regularly, and of course, never eat junk food again, when I was a mom. Wow, was I crazy!

I thought that I would have nine months of pregnancy to break any habits I didn't want to model for my kids and to build any essential habits I did want to have. Surely that would be enough time! But this and that came in the way, and those months go by so fast... 

I was too tired to cook anything for the whole first trimester. In fact, throughout my pregnancy, whenever I cooked a real meal I would act as if this was something especially above and beyond that I had done and my husband should be proud of me and eternally grateful - to his credit, he was very appreciative! (Being tired is a pregnancy symptom I didn't see coming. Everyone always talks about morning sickness, but the fatigue caught me by surprise. I was absolutely useless by the time I got home from a 9+ hour day at work.)

And with my husband spending hours of every evening in the other room doing homework for grad school, I always watched TV in the evenings because I didn't have anything else to do. I told myself that I would cut back to just my one or two favorite shows, but there are just too many good shows!

Netflix... oh, Netflix. I think I need a 12 step program. After Little Girl was born, I watched so much Netflix. I found myself on the couch nursing practically all day for a couple months, so naturally I had to have something to do, and Netflix it was. Now that she's older and nurses much quicker, I've been able to break this habit. (Also, running out of Grey's Anatomy episodes helped!)

Language is one thing I especially wanted to improve. I don't swear or use offensive language by the world's standards, but there are one or two words that have slipped into my vocabulary over the years that I don't really want to hear coming out of my sweet little daughter's mouth. So I feel the need to stop saying them. But that is so hard to do, and it is taking a lot of self-control to even begin that process. 

And exercising is a joke right now. This winter is dragging on forever! I am waiting for the weather to turn warmer so that I can put Little Girl in the stroller and start walking every day. I think she would love it. She's so interested in her surroundings now that I know she'll enjoy spend time outside. 

What I've learned is that planning to break a plethora of habits or create new ones while pregnant or while you have a new baby is absolutely crazy. Choosing a hormone and stress-filled several months to shape yourself into the ideal mom is never going to work. I know I'll never be the "ideal mom." I know I'll probably have to work very hard at modeling good language, media habits, exercise, healthy eating, etc. for my kids. Part of me wishes that I had worked on having these good habits before I had kids, because it is very hard to change now. 

I thought that being home so much with my daughter would give me the opportunity to be a better homemaker. I thought I would have time to cook, clean, never fall behind on laundry, and in general keep a better household. But I didn't realize that just feeding and entertaining a baby was a full-time job. And when you add working from home part-time into the mix, it's just as hard to do those things as ever before, if not harder! 

This post is dedicated to all those new moms out there who aren't quite the super moms they thought they'd be. It's okay. You're not alone. In some ways, you'll get there. Your baby will get older and need less one-on-one attention (or at least will be able to go longer between meals). And you will figure out what is most important to get done and how to get those things done. I already feel like things are getting better. 4-month-old Baby Girl eats only every 3-4 hours, plays by herself occasionally, and doesn't have to be held constantly to be happy. I watch hardly any TV now, because I just don't have time. And I've decided to only watch Netflix with my husband in the evenings. The language thing is a process, and exercise is a future goal. We will get there eventually. Or we won't. And that's okay too. 

Because as much as it would be wonderful to be a perfect Proverbs 31 wife, we can't ever get there. I can try, but I will always fail in some way. And I don't want to fake it, because you know what? My daughter isn't going to be able to get there either. I may not always be able to model for her what it looks like to be the perfect wife and mom, but I can show her what it looks like to find her value and worth not in her own success, but in what Christ has done for her. So I will try to work on improving those things, but I will also remind her that she has value not because of what she does, but because in her baptism, Christ redeemed her and made her his own.