It's Not About Baby Wearing

The other day I was out for a walk with my daughter. She was in the stroller, was content, and was happy to look around her at everything. Being an October baby, she hadn't had much of an opportunity to see the outdoors until the past week or so. After what seemed like a winter that lasted forever, it has finally been warm enough to get outdoors comfortably, and we were both enjoying the sunshine.

I walked past another mom, out with her baby, and she was wearing her baby in a carrier. I am almost ashamed to admit that the first thoughts that ran through  my head went something like this, "Oh no, I'm sure she's judging me for having my baby in a stroller and not wearing her! She probably thinks I'm a horrible mother. I wish she knew that I love having my daughter in a carrier, but it hurts my back too much. I wish I could tell her about my back surgery when I was a teenager." And then of course I realized how ridiculous I was being... she was a stranger. She surely doesn't really care about my stroller or my baby-wearing woes, and I'll bet it never occurred to her to judge me either.

Whew! When did I get so insecure and defensive?



I love to read other mommy blogs. I enjoy that I can Google a question I have about some aspect of parenting and I am greeted with thousands of personal stories and experiences. But there's something about the culture of mommy blogs that bring my insecurities to the surface. Now, I am not one of those people who thinks all technology is evil, the internet just makes people feel bad about themselves, and all of that. I have met some wonderful people online, and I have run across many blogs that are extremely uplifting. I think that people make themselves insecure. It's not the internet, and it's not even other people, we do it to ourselves.

I am talking very much  to myself here, since I can be one of the most insecure people I know at times. (But at least I know that about myself. That's the first step to becoming more secure, right?) I may not be old enough to know this for sure, but I have a theory that mothers might have been insecure about their parenting decisions since way before the internet or mommy blogs. I think one of the reasons why moms often come off as judgmental and superior when they talk about the way they do things with their kids is because deep down, they're insecure about their own choices. And that's only natural.

Parenting might be the hardest, highest-stakes endeavor we will ever undertake. As such, each decision is made painstakingly for many parents, and even after making a decision, we still worry that maybe it isn't the right one. So once the decision is made, we are almost defensive of it in our advocacy for our methods or choices. Naturally, when someone who painstakingly and carefully made a different choice comes across a blog post or other medium that advocates this opposing view, they feel judged because their choice was different.

I know I have been guilty of being defensive of my choices, or feeling defensive. I hope no one has ever felt judged when reading my blog if they have made other choices for their kids than the ones I make, but I know it is possible that I come across strongly at times. I know I have felt insecure when talking to mothers who made different choices before, and I know I have felt insecure when reading blogs or articles online as well. But I am going to try in the future to remember that even the most confident of us have had our insecurities at times. And thankfully, I don't think parenting is quite so high-stakes as we think it is.

After all, our little girl is a gift from God. He entrusted her to us for a time, he watches over her, he lives in her heart through her baptism, and he will help us figure this all out. Our God is a forgiving, loving, gracious God, and it's okay if we make some mistakes (or a lot of mistakes!). Just as in my personal life and walk with God, I need to draw my confidence and identity through who I am in Christ, I know that I also need to draw my identity as a parent from the same place.

When you read the Bible for instruction on parenting, over and over again I see God talking about teaching children about him. Here is one of my favorite passages:

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." ~ Deuteronomy 6:6-7

That is what is really important. Not whether or not I use a baby carrier or a stroller when we go out. And not whether I feel like other moms out there are doing a better job. God gave them their own kids, and he gave me mine. What is important is what I am talking to my kids about, and that I am teaching them about God.

So as mothers, let's support each other in raising our children to know God. And let's each remember that it's okay if our friends don't do everything the same way we do, or if we don't do everything the same way they do. It's okay. Deep breaths. It's okay.



I needed to write this today because I needed to hear this. If it is helpful to anyone else, that would be a great bonus!