How Much Does Money Really Matter?

As I was sitting in my living room, looking around my 2 bedroom apartment, contemplating the past 3.5 years of my life the other day (the time since my wedding), I realized something: the amount of money that I have really doesn't matter. At all. Now, the fact that I have some money and can afford what I need to survive, yes, that matters, but beyond that, it really doesn't. This really was a new revelation for me.

I was sitting there, holding my adorable daughter, reminiscing about our first two years of marriage in our first apartment in Wisconsin. That was a cute apartment! It was sunny, bright, had a great closet or two, and the memories that I have from those days are priceless. So many sleepy Saturday mornings, just the two of us, the sun streaming into our living room/dining room/kitchen, enjoying French toast and coffee together. 

As I was fondly remembering those days, I realized that I never remember how the two of us were married while we were still in undergrad, working part time student worker jobs to pay our bills. I realize that we had next-to-no money. We paid all our bills, by the grace of God, and we were able to drive home and visit family every couple of months, but we didn't have money for anything extra. It was tight! We didn't own any new things, and we didn't go on many dates. The ones we did go on were simple and cheap, with budgets for the evening of under $20 (or sometimes under $10!). But here's the thing - looking back, I don't care about any of that! I remember that it happened, but when I look back, I just remember the great time I had married to my best friend and love of my life and the days we spent together in our little apartment. Sure, most people don't get married in college, but it was one of the best decisions we made.

Today I hold my baby girl, look around our seminary apartment, and think about friends I have who are buying houses, already launched into their careers, or what not. Sometimes it's hard not to be just a tiny bit jealous. I can't wait to buy a house when we finally live somewhere for more than two years. It is hard to keep from being impatient about these things. But I realize that a few years from now when I look back on these days I'm not going to be saying, "Wow, things were so hard in seminary! If only we had had more money! If only we had lived in a bigger place." No. I'm going to be saying, "Remember those years we spent in St. Louis? Remember having our daughter and watching her grow? Remember all the good times we had together when we were at seminary? Remember those first years of starting our family?" Sure, most people don't have a baby while still in grad school, but again, one of the best decisions we've made.

So here is my point. I feel that so often these days people put off very, very good things because they feel like they don't have enough money. People don't get married because they want a $20,000 wedding (or whatever that dollar amount might be). People don't have kids because they don't think they can afford it. People put their lives on hold until their career is well in hand. People stay at work late and go into work early. (Yes, I have done that many, many times before having my daughter, so I can't judge too much there. I get it!) I certainly don't want to judge others for those decisions. I am not advocating intentionally having a posse of children that you cannot support or anything like that. All I'm saying is that I'm glad that we didn't put our life on hold while we finished school or while Jonathan is here at seminary. 

I think that the amount of money a person makes is probably one of the least significant things about who they are. Why is it that we make such a big deal about it today? I guess it's good that I realize this now, because we're never going to be rich! A pastor and a stay-at-home mom?! Haha! And while I realize that money ultimately only matters in that you need it to provide food, clothes, shelter, and other basic essentials to your family, this is still an area that God is working in me on. I have always struggled with contentment, and I do like nice things. I have always had this ideal income level in my head - the amount that I think is "enough" to live the lifestyle that I want. 

I would love to travel the world some day. I would love to buy more new clothes or get to shop just for fun, not because I need something. I would enjoy being able to afford wine, humus, (insert other tasty and expensive foods here) as a regular part of my diet. I happen to love brand name things. I know my husband has a passion for the latest, greatest, newest electronics. But I realize that I will never look back on my life and say, "Remember how we always enjoyed wine with our dinner in our 20's?" or "Remember that awesome, trendy handbag that went with those sweet designer jeans?" or even, "Boy, I can't believe I held out for that long before getting a smartphone/new laptop/whatever-the-newest-thing-is." I am very happy to forgo these things to be able to live as close to debt-free as possible and to be able to start my family now while I am young. I can travel the world when I'm 50 or 60, but I won't be able to have kids then.

I think it boils down to this - possessions do not matter. People matter. Family matters. Having children and raising them to know what is important in life and to have a relationship with God, that matters more than anything. Money is just one tool that we can use towards ends. It is useful for providing for others, for feeding those who need to be fed, for taking care of one's family. But money itself doesn't matter. People matter. Relationships matter. And I can have a wonderful family and great relationships even without my ideal amount of money.  

Going to seminary has been an exercise in trusting God for both my husband and me. And it has not always been easy. But I am learning, slowly but surely, that God will always provide. He may not always provide everything I desire in the moment, but he provides everything we need. And he also is blessing us with a wonderful marriage, a beautiful daughter, and I know that the plans he has for us down the road will be great. Even if we never make that dollar amount that I used to consider "enough." This lesson is still a work in progress, but it is something that God has been teaching me.