Why Can't the Vaccine Debate be a Civil One?

Why is it that a certain level of animosity surrounds the vaccination debate? There are many things that parents disagree on and many things that different families do differently, but I don't think there are many issues more hotly contested than vaccinations. I am a person that believes strongly in parents making their own, educated and informed decisions, and I also believe in parents supporting each other and being civil, even when people make different decisions. But for some reason, the vaccine controversy seems to be an area where people cannot let it go and respect each other's differences. Vaccines are high-stakes, so naturally people get worked up about it.

I've thought about vaccines a lot recently, with having a new baby, with measles outbreaks in the news, and with having friends and acquaintances on both sides of the debate. This post is not going to be about whether or not you should vaccinate your kids. I am certainly not qualified to talk about that! Instead it is just my own thoughts as to why people get so tightly wound about this issue, and how we can better understand people on either side of the debate.

The Pro-Vaccine Parents

This is the majority position, so you would think that people in this camp would be able to shrug off the fact that not all parents choose to vaccinate. But many people who are pro-vaccine cannot seem to be able to do that. And I think I understand part of the reason why.

Vaccinating is not something that you can do as an individual and just be done with it. The concept of vaccinating to eradicate diseases is a concept that society as a whole needs to buy into for it to work. This is a very awkward concept for me, because I hate when other people tell me what I should be doing with my kids. I like to do my research, make my own decision, and not be guilt-tripped about it. But the thing about vaccinating is that it is a societal process. If everyone (everyone meaning everyone who is medically able to do it) doesn't do it, it doesn't work. So when a parent who believes that vaccinating is the best plan hears of parents not vaccinating, it causes them to worry about the safety of their own children. They can't just relax, live, and let live. They feel that the environment created by a large anti-vaccine movement is going to directly put their children in jeopardy as well. They think it is a public safety hazard. And they may even worry about the children who aren't being vaccinated. I can see why they would feel so strongly!

When someone who has chosen not to vaccine hears the pro-vaccine parents going off on them, they should realize that these parents are not attacking their choices just because they want to tell them what to do or how to raise their kids. These parents are worried about the safety of their own children! And no matter what your stance on vaccines, we can all relate to that. 

The Non-Vaccinating Parents

I intentionally did not call this group the anti-vaccine parents, because that is such a loaded label. I personally like to research each vaccine individually and think about the need for it, the risks, and the benefits. Parents who choose not to vaccinate their kids see that vaccines come with risks attached, weigh those risks against the risk of not vaccinating, and try to make a decision that is in the best interest of their child. They see their children's health and well being as their personal responsibility, not the responsibility of the government, other parents, or any other organization, and they try to make the best decision they can. That sounds like good parenting, right?

There are very intelligent, well-read parents choosing not to vaccinate their kids. They must be making that decision with their children's best interest at heart. And sometimes a compromise, like a delayed vaccine schedule, seems like the perfect middle route. I have a lot of respect for people that are willing to go out of their way to do the unpopular thing for the sake of their kids. 

Whenever a group holds a minority opinion, there is always a tendency within that group to fiercely advocate for the position. After all, being in the minority, you have to work hard to convince others that your view is at least an acceptable one, right? But with something as personal as vaccinations, this advocacy often comes off to those on the other side as an attack.

Vaccinating kids is not fun. Taking a baby in to the doctor, watching a nurse poke your precious little one with needles, and then holding and comforting your baby is usually more unpleasant for the parents than it is for the child! So think how hurtful it is for a mom to hear a group of people loudly saying
that what she is doing is naively allowing herself to be brainwashed into harming her children! That already wasn't a fun experience, and now I feel this twinge of guilt, this worry that maybe I was wrong and I'm hurting my child. No wonder that mom defends herself! And then we have the heated debate... 

So what are we to do? On one hand, parents that vaccinate their kids do it because they love their kids, they don't want them to get dangerous diseases like measles, polio, and others. They don't want future generations to deal with the devastation these diseases caused before vaccinating came on the scene. And that is understandable. It seems responsible. One poke and 30 seconds of tears versus coming down with a deadly or life-altering disease? That's a decent trade off.

On the other hand, we have parents who choose not to vaccinate because they perceive that vaccinations have risks, they don't want their kids put at risk, and they think it is very unlikely that their children will contract a disease like measles or polio anyway. That's fair. Vaccines are somewhat risky, and they aren't fun. And you shouldn't be forced to do them if you think the risk of the vaccine itself is greater than the risk of not vaccinating.

I don't know what to do with this debate. Those parents who choose to vaccinate resent those who do not, because they feel that the non-vaccinaters are coasting by on "herd immunity," meaning that other children are taking the risk and discomfort of vaccinations to ensure the health of the non-vaccinating crowd as well. This feels wrong and unjust, and gets them riled up, because no one wants to feel like their children are being used or taken advantage of. But the non-vaccinating parents say that they're just trying to take care of their own child, and they can't be responsible for society as a whole, just as society as a whole cannot raise their kids for them. They are just trying to do the right thing.

And I hear that. I certainly want to make each and every decision about raising my kids without input from the government, public schools, or any other group that wants to tell me what to do. I want to hear what the data says, from as many sources as possible to off-set bias, and then I want to make my own decision.

My Solution

The best I can come up with in this situation is to try not to be in either camp. I am not a pro-vaccine parent. I am not an anti-vaccine parent. I did research, I thought about the risks and benefits, I consulted my child's doctor. And then I decided to look at each vaccine on a case-by-case basis and decide what to do with it. Because all vaccines are not made equal, and it is a mistake to assume that an entire industry is corrupt just because there are some instances of corruption. And it is a mistake to assume that all vaccines are harmful just because one or two might be. And it is a mistake to think that doctors are out to get your children, or don't have your baby's best interests at heart. And most importantly, it is a mistake to assume that parents who make different decisions than you are making them naively, selfishly, or without careful thought. 

I'm not going to say here exactly what I decided about vaccinations. I made a decision, am sticking with it, and feel very good about it. I know people who made different decisions, and I respect that. The people who I have the greatest respect for are those who don't join a camp and advocate like crazy without listening to the people on the other side. The people who I respect the most are parents who did research, weighed risks and benefits, and then made a decision carefully without letting their pre-conceived notions cloud their judgment. That is so hard to do, but wow, can I respect it! 

And I also respect people who are civil, kind, and willing to listen to each other. Because the last thing we need as parents is to turn on each other and make each other feel guilty about decisions that are very hard to make in the first place.

This is a really important issue, either way you look at it. I personally have a passionately-held view on the matter, but it goes against the point of this post to share it right now. Everyone agrees that this is an important conversation. My hope is that if we talk civilly about it, try not to call each other names, and look to understand where others are coming from, we might be able to reach consensus. I would love to see people agree more on this issue, and I truly believe that will only happen when we learn to understand the perspectives of those who hold differing views.




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