So often I hear parents, grandparents, and other concerned adults expressing concern over the future of our children. Fellow Christians seem to be the most concerned group, but everyone has these worries. How will they find "good spouses," or "good Christian spouses" when the world is such a bad place and "good" men or women are so hard to find? Well, I know for sure my daughter will never come across a "perfect man" because there aren't any. (Except Jesus, that is, and she already knows Him.) I do, however, believe that she will be just fine. After all, the world has been a "bad place" ever since the fall. I found a great husband, my parents found each other, my grandparents found each other, other family members have found wonderful spouses so far. Even if the world isn't getting better, it isn't getting worse either.
I'm not worried about my daughter finding a good, kind, Christ-following husband at all. Of all the things that I worry about, that isn't one of them. I understand that the world is a bad place. I know that there will be plenty of poor choices out there when she is ready to get married some day. But I believe that if she does marry, she will marry a good man. Here are a few of the reasons why I'm not worried:
1. She has a great Dad.
Dads show their daughters what to expect from a man. My husband treats me with respect, love and kindness and he treats our little girl that way too. My daughter is going to grow up with the blessing of a father who loves her, spends time with her, and models what being a good husband and father looks like. She will know what she is looking for.
2. She will grow up around other Christ-centered families.
One of the greatest blessings for me was growing up with Christian friends, and not just Christian friends, but friends who were passionate about Jesus, about following Him and about sharing His love with others. They were also passionate about dating in a way that was honoring to God and they supported me and Jonathan as we started dating. I believe that my daughter will find friends like these as well, and as a parent, I can help her do that by immersing her in a Christ-centered community. I may do that by homeschooling her, by being active in our church, or just by making friends with other moms who are also Christian.
I firmly believe that the friends you have as a teenager are extremely formative and have a strong impact on the choices you make early in your adult life. Therefore, I will take an active interest in making sure my daughter is in a community where she can make good friends. This doesn't mean that I will tell her who she can and can't be friends with, but simply that I will introduce her to social settings where she can make friends who share her values.
I firmly believe that the friends you have as a teenager are extremely formative and have a strong impact on the choices you make early in your adult life. Therefore, I will take an active interest in making sure my daughter is in a community where she can make good friends. This doesn't mean that I will tell her who she can and can't be friends with, but simply that I will introduce her to social settings where she can make friends who share her values.
My little girl is not one year old, and already she has met and played with so many little "baby-friends" who are also being raised to follow Jesus (and most of them are boys)! I know she isn't necessarily going to marry any of them, but the fact that I know so many kids her age who are being raised well gives me confidence that wherever we end up, there will be people there as well who share our faith and values.
3. I trust my daughter.
My little girl has been baptized. She has the Holy Spirit living in her heart and producing faith in her. She lives in a community where the Word of God is proclaimed daily. She is very loved by her parents, family, and friends and has many wonderful models of Christian marriages surrounding her. She isn't one year old yet, but she is smart and she is sweet and I believe in her ability to make good choices with her life. If, as parents, we do not trust our children, how will they learn to trust themselves? I will choose to trust her because I love her and I respect her. Even when she makes mistakes, I will choose to support her and encourage her.
4. I trust God with my daughter's future.
God gave me this little girl for a little while, but she isn't really mine. She is his. He loves her, provides for her, and will continue to be with her and care for her throughout her life. Does that mean her life will be perfect? Of course not. But He will always be there for her just as he is always there for me. Even if she makes bad choices down the line, there isn't much I can do about that except do what I am always called to do as her parent - love her, care for her, pray for her, and trust God with her. After all, she is her own person - I am just the one who is blessed to be her parent and care for her while she grows.
This is all easy to say now, when she is so little. I know that I don't have to worry about any of this for years. I know that circumstances can change. I know that things can go wrong. I also know that not every Christian parent is able to raise their child this way. Sometimes a little one may not have a dad who is a great role model and example. Sometimes you may find yourself immersed in a social setting where your child is not making good friends. So I suppose my challenge to parents of older children is twofold - (1) Take charge of the things that are in your control and help your children put themselves in an environment where they can make the right choices, and (2) Let them go, pray for them, trust God to take care of them and then sit back and enjoy watching them find their way.
For me and other new parents with small children, I refuse to let my child hear me saying things like, "I worry about your future," or criticizing their generation. I know firsthand how hurtful it is to hear older adults criticize my generation, and I hope not to do that to my own children. Let them know from day one that you love them, trust them, and support their autonomy to make their own choices - for better or worse.
I'm not saying any of this is easy, but I think it all comes back to trusting the one who entrusted these children to us in the first place.
This is all easy to say now, when she is so little. I know that I don't have to worry about any of this for years. I know that circumstances can change. I know that things can go wrong. I also know that not every Christian parent is able to raise their child this way. Sometimes a little one may not have a dad who is a great role model and example. Sometimes you may find yourself immersed in a social setting where your child is not making good friends. So I suppose my challenge to parents of older children is twofold - (1) Take charge of the things that are in your control and help your children put themselves in an environment where they can make the right choices, and (2) Let them go, pray for them, trust God to take care of them and then sit back and enjoy watching them find their way.
For me and other new parents with small children, I refuse to let my child hear me saying things like, "I worry about your future," or criticizing their generation. I know firsthand how hurtful it is to hear older adults criticize my generation, and I hope not to do that to my own children. Let them know from day one that you love them, trust them, and support their autonomy to make their own choices - for better or worse.
I'm not saying any of this is easy, but I think it all comes back to trusting the one who entrusted these children to us in the first place.
Lord, thank you for the gift of children. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy, love, cherish and raise my little girl. Please enable me to set a good example in my own life and to give her all the tools she needs to make good decisions when she is an adult. And help me to trust you to care for her when I cannot. After all, before she was my child, she was yours. Amen.
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