Of Course My Baby Has Personality!

We were getting our pictures taken for a new church directory. I dressed the three of us in coordinating-but-not-matchy-matchy outfits, and we walked over to the church. My sweet daughter smiled and was friendly to the lady checking us in, and we had a pleasant chat while waiting for the photographer. Then we sat for our pictures, and of course, Little Girl gives the photographer a blank stare, mouth partially open as if to say, "What are you doing?" in all of the pictures. He tried to get her to laugh or smile, but she just looked more confused. We never got a picture with three people smiling. Oh well, no harm done. I wasn't planning on ordering any anyway, and she is adorable no matter what face she's making. 

As we prepared to leave the session the photographer commented, "Don't worry. She'll develop a personality eventually." I'm sure you can imagine my motherly indignation at that comment! 

My little girl spends a large portion of the day exploring. She is almost one, and although she is not walking quite yet, she gets around very efficiently. I've said from the beginning that she is "an independent baby," even while enjoying the irony of that statement. From a month old or earlier, she preferred to be held in an upright position so she could see what was going on. She didn't like to be cradled unless she was being fed, and from the time she became mobile, she has always been curious and eager to venture out and explore "on her own."

Sometimes I get some strange looks from people, because whether we're at home or out and about, I usually let her come and go as she pleases. Of course, if I am not familiar with the environment, I follow at a distance to make sure she's not getting into anything dangerous, but in my home I make sure that the rooms are baby-proofed, and then I just let her roam free. Maybe this is lazy parenting on my part, or maybe it is good parenting. Like so many of the decisions that I make as a first-time mom, I feel like only time will tell if they were the right ones. 

While people give me sidelong glances, I enjoy watching Little Lady decide what to do and who to introduce herself to next when she is in a new environment. So much of her personality comes out as I watch her explore freely, and I love seeing what she's interested in or thinking. 

My favorite thing is watching her approach people and introduce herself in her cute, babyish way. She has always been so outgoing, and she usually crawls right up to a new person, smiles, and reaches out to them. People compliment me all the time on how outgoing and social she is, but I can take no credit. I keep her with me almost constantly, I hold her while she sleeps, and she doesn't go to a nursery or daycare. She is just an outgoing person right now, and I suspect that the only person that reflects on is her. 

Babies are people, just like you and me, complete with a personality that they were born with, desires, quirks, and thoughts that are all their own. When we hold our little ones for the first time, we look into their faces and we wonder who they are, what they will be like, if they will be introverted, extroverted, silly, serious, have personality traits like us, or be completely different. We discover more and more about who they are as they grow, but I believe that they already have that personality already. We just get to discover it as they grow. 

I have always been somewhat offended by comments about babies "developing personalities." I know that as a mother I am more aware of my newborns habits and personality quirks than others will be. To a stranger, or even just to a person who isn't the parent, newborns may be fairly interchangeable. But they are not! God knew that person and designed that baby from before the moment of conception, and who that baby is is already determined. We have the joy of discovering our children's personalities as they grow, and I do believe that the environment we raise them in will impact the way they grow as well, but I can't take credit for who my daughter is. She is her own person, and even without me, she would be herself. 

A baby is not just a cute, cuddly, funny entertainment source. They should not be forced to sit on your lap if they would rather be doing something else. They should not be ignored if they are inconvenient. They should not be kept out of church just because they are too young to understand what is happening. Getting to hold or spend time with my baby might make your day but it is not a "prize" and you are not entitled to a "turn." Babies are people - people with personalities, likes, dislikes, and their own little agendas. 

You may feel like I am making a big deal of a semantic issue. Of course, when someone says that a baby will "develop more of a personality" as they grow, they don't necessarily mean that they're not a full person yet. But I feel that with our culture taking such a low view of life, especially at its beginning, there is a need to place a clear value on the personhood and autonomy of each and every living soul, especially newborns and young children. 

My baby is not a commodity. She is not a lifestyle choice. She is not an interesting logistical challenge. She is a person. I choose to let her roam free around my house because I like to be able to roam free. I choose to not let her cry because when I am in distress I like the people who love me and care about me to take notice and do something about it, no matter how silly the reason for my distress is! I choose to let her crawl over and introduce herself to people even if they don't like children because, well, just because someone makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean you can be rude to them, even if they're a baby. 

Babies are people too, from the moment of conception on. I am just the very blessed person who is honored to care for my little girl for the first 18-or-so years of her life. And I choose to relish her autonomy and allow her to be who she is and enjoy her for who she is.