One Year Later - 6 Ways Having a Baby Changed My Life

A few days ago we celebrated my daughter's first birthday. I cannot believe the way this little girl has changed my life. She is so sweet, so smart, so beautiful. It is an honor and privilege to be her parent.

I look back over the past year, and it has flown by. There have been hard times, many sleepless nights, and so much to do! But the thing that stands out for me is the joy. The smiles, the cuddles, the laughter and delight watching my little girl learn, grow, and do new clever and funny things every day.

Being a parent really does change your life. In some ways (okay, a lot of ways) it makes things more challenging, but it also brings blessings, both expected and unexpected. All those things I have read and heard (think, those listicle Huffington Post articles) about how being a parent changes everything and makes your life harder have elements of truth in them, but they are not the whole picture.

I thought about some of the ways that having a baby changed my life, and here is what I have to say about a few big ones I hear parents mention a lot.

1. The work of being a stay-at-home mom is both less and more fulfilling than my old job.

I have been staying at home with my daughter almost full time since she was born. In some ways I miss my old job. I miss accomplishing very measurable things. I miss being assessed and appreciated for the things I do. I miss dressing in pencil skirts and cute tops and shoes. I miss having my lunch break built into my day so that I never forget to eat. The biggest thing I miss is measurable, objective ways to know that I am being successful from day to day.

Caring for my daughter is repetitive. I do the same things every single day, and she never says, "You really are a superior mother, Mama. You get a raise! And I want you to know that I notice all the things you do for me." But she smiles at me, she gives me hugs and kisses now, she shows me she appreciates me in the way she gravitates toward me when we're around other people. And honestly, I love being around her, even if caring for her is a lot of work. I wouldn't give up the smiles, the laughter, the cuddles, and watching her explore her world for anything. I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with her and drink in every second. 

2. We have less time together as a couple.

This is just a fact - my husband and I have been on very few dates without the baby in the past year, and a good chunk of our evenings are now spent facilitating bed time instead of cuddling on the couch, eating ice cream and watching TV. We still do that, but more like for half an hour a few times a week, instead of for a couple hours almost every night. I do look forward to spending more time together as time goes on, our kids get older, and we figure out how to carve out that time more intentionally. But even though we have fewer one-on-one hours, sharing the experiences of parenting together has been such a joy. I love and savor time where it is just the three of us, laughing, playing silly baby-invented games, eating dinner, or just relaxing together. Sharing the joy of parenting is the most fulfilling thing we have done together as a couple. We may have fewer hours per week together, but nothing brings you closer than the love you both feel for your child. 

3. There are no longer any "simple tasks." 

I believe that literally everything I do is more complicated now that I have a child. Going to the bathroom takes logistical planning. Getting things in and out of the oven when it's just me and her is a game of "Baby, look over there!" (Quick pull out the pie!) Leaving the house takes at least five minutes more than you were planning on it taking, no matter how much time you allotted in your head. Social gatherings have to be considered for how they will impact bed time. Road trips have to be planned during naps.  Cooking dinner involves keeping the baby entertained, which frequently means by the time dinner is ready the entire contents of the Tupperware cupboard is on the floor.

While life is no longer "simple" with a baby around, it is better. I have a constant little companion whose company I thoroughly enjoy! She is such a delight! I find that when I have "a break" from her and I'm able to do all those tasks without having to care for her as well I miss her so much! Perhaps I will feel the need for "breaks" more when I have more kids, but right now I find that while life is more complicated as a parent, it is also much richer. 

4. I wake up tired every morning.

This needs no explanation. Parenting is exhausting and babies take a lot of your valuable sleeping hours away. I believe I have woken up tired every morning for the past year. Admittedly, I wake up much, much less tired now than I did when she was younger, but there is never enough hours for all the sleep I would like. However, every single morning I wake up to the sweetest little face smiling at me as if to say, "Mommy! You're just the person I wanted to see! This is such a good day now that you're here to take care of me!" On one hand, I suppose I could be tired of being awakened every single morning for a year by a needy baby, but on the other hand, every morning of the past year I woke up to see the face of a little person who felt pure delight that I was here to care for her. Who can resist the charm of waking up to so much joy and adorableness? 

(Also, there is coffee, and coffee is very helpful and delicious!)

5. Traveling is much more difficult.

We ended up with a baby who hated to be in the car. Things are slowly getting better in that area as she gets older, but it became very difficult to travel after having a baby. I often hear that the ability to travel and explore the world with freedom is one of the best perks of being child-free, and I won't deny that having kids makes that much more difficult. Kids do make everything more complicated, but that doesn't mean that you have to not travel at all - you just have to be intentional and selective about your choices. Also, seeing your kid discover and explore the simple, every-day world for the first time opens your eyes to the wonder and beauty of everyday things. Everything is exciting and new to a little one, and watching them experience new things is a new adventure that I am able to live every day, without even leaving my home! 

6. You discover that you are not the expert you thought you were.

Before becoming a parent I thought I knew exactly how I was going to parent. I had a plan for all the big parenting decisions that I thought would come my way in the first few years, and I was already thinking ahead to future stages of parenting. In this last year I have learned that it doesn't matter what I thought beforehand, I will very likely end up changing my mind. Or even if I don't change my mind, I will question and re-think my decisions and will much better understand parents who make different choices. There are many things that I have held firm on, but just as many things that I have decided to do differently. This experience has made me so much slower to judge my fellow parents, especially because many of the decisions I make feel like they are made as a direct result of my baby's unique personality and quirks. No one else is parenting my child, so why would I think they will make the same decisions that I make? 

I could go on and on I'm sure. Becoming a parent really changes everything. While many of the changes are difficult, I cannot even begin to describe the joy and delight that accompanies the challenges. I am so thankful that God blessed us with our little girl. She lights up every day and I can't imagine my life without her.

Happy birthday, Sweetie! Thank you for the best first year ever!