Why I Decided to Give Up TV

When I saw the line up of celebrities for this season's cast of Dancing with the Stars I was excited. It looks like such a great season. There are even celebrities I have heard of before - including Meryl Davis and Charlie White! Who wouldn't want to watch that? But just before the season premiere, I made a decision to stop watching TV, or at least seriously cut back on my TV time. I love DWTS, and I have watched every season since 2007, but I have decided not to follow this season - because of my daughter.

From the Other Side of Infertility

The title of this post is misleading. I do not know if there is truly an "other side" of infertility. I'm still making up my mind on that one. We were diagnosed with infertility, we went through lots of testing, we tried a couple different treatments, and then, by God's grace and blessing, one of them worked when we were least expecting it. Now we have a beautiful, clever, spunky baby girl who is five months old today. She lights up our lives every single day, and every day when I see her I am reminded of God's goodness and how blessed I am.

So then, the infertility part of my life is over, right? Is it? I don't know. I certainly am happy right now. I certainly have what I wanted. I feel like the past two years changed me significantly. I met so many other women online who were going through the same struggles. I learned what it is like to go through something this hard, what it is like to have people not understand, and what it is like to have no idea what God is doing or where he is. And now I have a baby, so that chapter should be done.


I feel like what I am about to say next I say at the risk of sounding ungrateful, or of leading people to think I am not happy or content with my life right now. I promise, I am incredibly conscious of how blessed I am, hugely grateful, and I've never been happier. But I say this because I want anyone else who has felt this way to know that they are not alone. I say this because I don't think it's fair to women who are still struggling for me to just forget about that part of my life or go on as if it didn't happen.

The part of my life where I struggled with infertility may be over for now, but here are some things that have changed, and that will probably never go back to the way they were before:

It's Not About Baby Wearing

The other day I was out for a walk with my daughter. She was in the stroller, was content, and was happy to look around her at everything. Being an October baby, she hadn't had much of an opportunity to see the outdoors until the past week or so. After what seemed like a winter that lasted forever, it has finally been warm enough to get outdoors comfortably, and we were both enjoying the sunshine.

I walked past another mom, out with her baby, and she was wearing her baby in a carrier. I am almost ashamed to admit that the first thoughts that ran through  my head went something like this, "Oh no, I'm sure she's judging me for having my baby in a stroller and not wearing her! She probably thinks I'm a horrible mother. I wish she knew that I love having my daughter in a carrier, but it hurts my back too much. I wish I could tell her about my back surgery when I was a teenager." And then of course I realized how ridiculous I was being... she was a stranger. She surely doesn't really care about my stroller or my baby-wearing woes, and I'll bet it never occurred to her to judge me either.

Whew! When did I get so insecure and defensive?

Sleep Training - Yes or No?

Our little girl is almost five months old, and we still haven't done any kind of sleep training. Despite the fact that we probably spend more time talking about how to get our daughter to sleep than we do discussing any other topic, neither of us has been able to come up with or find a sleep plan that we feel comfortable with.

I refuse to let my little girl "cry it out." I just won't do it. She looks and sounds terrified when she wakes up alone in her crib, and there is no way I am going to leave her there scared and lonely when one of us could pick her up and comfort her. And her dad is an even bigger softy than I am. He usually has her out of the crib already by the time I fully wake up at night and realize she's crying.

Also, I enjoy nursing her to sleep. It's cuddly. It's bonding time. She isn't going to be a baby forever. I have to get in all the cuddles I can!

But it isn't easy. When she wakes up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, one of us always has to get up with her. She doesn't need to eat at night any more. She regularly goes 7 or 8 hours at night without eating, but she is still waking up regularly. She went for almost a month back in January where she slept very well in her crib, but no more!

Living Far From Home - Things I Didn't See Coming

Where we live is one area of my life where I constantly need to be reminded to trust God. My husband and I have lived at least 300 miles away from both of our families and all of our childhood and young adult friends for the entirety of our married life. We moved away a week after our wedding, since our college was 300 miles away. After college we moved to seminary where my husband continues to study to become a pastor. We now live 500 miles away from our hometown. This summer we move again, and we could be going anywhere in the country as Jonathan goes on vicarage, a one-year internship-like program where he works under a supervising pastor at a church in our church body. Then we'll be back here for one more year of grad school, and after that we will be placed with a church that could be anywhere in the country for his first call as a pastor.


Before we got married I had no idea what it would be like to live so far away from family and friends. I thought it would be hard, but it sounded adventurous too. I was excited about it to a great extent. Today, not so much. Now to be clear, I am absolutely passionate about my husband's call to ministry. I happen to think he's going to be an incredible pastor. I am happy to be here with him while he studies, and I can't wait to see where we end up and how we end up serving God and the church in the next few years. It will be wonderful, and a great opportunity for us to grow in our faith and reliance on God. But one thing I don't like at all is being far from family.

Here are some things I didn't know, realize, or think about before moving away from "home." Anyone who has ever moved away will probably be able to relate. It is so hard!

"When I'm a Mom I'll Do Better..."

I think every mom (or parent for that matter) has a picture in their head of the ideal parent they want to be. For me, Ideal Christa gets up every morning at the same time each day, grabs a cup of coffee, reads her Bible and has some quiet prayer time, gets her daughter out of bed, feeds her, eats breakfast, and then starts the day. In the course of the day, Ideal Christa gets a healthy, delicious dinner prepared with at least two or three side-dishes, does a couple loads of laundry, maybe puts in a few hours of work from home, but still manages to read to her daughter, spend lots of time playing together, has time to snuggle on the couch, and takes a 45 minute walk with her little girl in the stroller.  Oh, and the house is always clean. I have discovered that sadly, Ideal Christa is as fictitious as Frodo Baggins, Obi-Wan Kenobi, or my favorite characters from Grey's Anatomy. She just doesn't exist. I keep trying to find her though. Sometimes I find pieces of her, but then other parts go.

Before I was pregnant or had a daughter I had a mental list of habits that I was going to quit before I had kids. Mostly these were habits I developed in college, things I knew I didn't want to have be central to my family, but things that were just too easy and natural to do at the time. I always consoled myself by thinking I would cut back on TV, stop watching so much Netflix, only listen to 100% wholesome music, cut certain words out of my vocabulary, start exercising regularly, and of course, never eat junk food again, when I was a mom. Wow, was I crazy!

9 Reasons Why I Can't Wait to Homeschool My Kids

I was homeschooled through 10th grade, and I loved every year. I know not everyone who was homeschooled can say that, and I know it may not be for everyone, but I treasure my childhood, and I am passionate about homeschooling and passing that blessing along to my children. When my mother started homeschooling it was even less common than it is today, and it was somewhat untested. Today, my generation of homeschool kids have grown up, and we can now tell our story with perspective.

If you are considering homeschooling, here are some reasons why I can't wait to homeschool my kids, from the perspective of a grown-up homeschool kid:

"Let's Have Seven Children!"

As we sat in the coffee shop at our community college over six years ago, our relationship still young and fresh, we jumped into all those big questions with enthusiasm. "How many kids do you want?" I can't remember which of us answered first, but I remember my answer. "At least seven!" I think he was a little surprised, but if I recall correctly he responded with, "Okay, sure, we can do that," or something along those lines. I was so excited that we were on the same page about having a large family.

I never let go of that vision. My dream even before we started dating was to be a stay-at-home mom with "at least seven" children, homeschooling all of them and being there for everything. I knew that would be challenging. I don't think I romanticized it too much (although I'm sure I romanticized it some) because my mom stayed at home and homeschooled me and my siblings. I had several friends and acquaintances that had large families, and I knew that that was what I wanted. 

I don't think wanting to be a stay-at-home mom means I lack ambition. I do feel that society tends to tell women that "they can do it all," implying that they should do it all. Well, I don't want to do it all! I just want to do the mom thing and do it really, really well. And you know what? I think that's crazy ambitious! There are not that many people these days that want to have that many kids, and while many moms choose to stay at home, many more go back to the work force, especially after their children are school-aged. I checked the census data (because I'm cool that way) and in 2009 5% of women in the United States between the ages of 15 and 44 had four or more kids. And while I don't have the numbers, I don't imagine that all of them want to stay at home and educate all their kids themselves. That's probably a fairly elite group! So tell me again how I'm not ambitious, World.