4 Quick Thoughts on Baby Milestones

I was working, sitting on my couch, while my daughter who had just started crawling a week ago played in the living room. I looked up from my computer and there she was, standing up while holding onto our coffee table! "Little Girl! Look at you!" I cried, and reached for my camera to snap a quick picture. She had pulled up to get to the remote control, and was chewing on it, but that didn't seem very important in the moment. I had to remind myself that I should probably take that away from her. But I was so proud!

Naturally when my daughter hits a big milestone I feel this compulsive need to brag about it to everyone I come into contact with. After all, she is so very clever for learning how to crawl, or pull up, or clap or say "Mama"! But there's also this tug at my heart that makes me think, "This is all going so fast! Just a year ago I was pregnant and expectantly looking forward to cuddling my baby girl, and now she's standing up over there and exploring her world and it's almost gone!" I try to resist the urge to long for the past and instead choose to be excited for all she is learning and going to do in the next year and beyond, but time sure does fly! Milestones bring such a wave of emotions, don't they?

Baby milestones are always a popular topic among parents, especially moms of little ones. It makes for good conversation and it offers up opportunities for us all to brag about our kids. But sometimes it can feel like a competition. And sometimes it seems to cause anxiety when our babies don't do certain things when we think they should.



My daughter crawled "later" than many other babies I know, and as a result of that I've been thinking about baby milestones lately and why we make such a fuss over them. Here are a few of my thoughts on the subject.

1. Compare very sparingly.

I think the internet makes it a little too easy for us to compare our babies. Via Facebook, I am friends with moms of at least 20 babies born within a month or two of my little one. I love to watch them all grow from afar, and the cute pictures and anecdotes give me inspiration and encouragement. But it can be so easy to say things like, "So-and-So is crawling already? She's a whole 4 weeks younger than my daughter!" Whenever this happens I quickly remind myself that a couple weeks is nothing. Weeks don't matter. That could be the difference between one person's home having softer carpet than the other, or just a simple difference in personality. 

Remember that a year from now you may not remember if your baby did something in the first week of month 8 or the last week, and that a few weeks here or there really don't matter. 

2. Babies have personalities!

It is so important as parents to remember that raising children is not a competition! We are not tasked with raising the best, brightest, most attractive, most well-behaved children. We are tasked with nurturing and caring for the unique, individual people that God has placed in our lives as our kids. It is relatively harmless to compare milestones like eating finger foods, crawling, and walking now while they're little, but we don't want to get in the habit of comparing our children to others. Babies are people, and while they are little and may not talk yet, their personalities are as big and unique as any adult's! 

I know I have observed this in my daughter already. There are some milestones that I believe she reaches earlier or later not due to her intelligence or physical abilities, but due to her personality. She had the strength and the required movements down to crawl for a while before she chose to put it all together. Being a cautious little girl, and not being in any hurry, she was content to wriggle her way around the room by other means for over a month before she started crawling. I could have worried, because as we got closer to that 9 month mark several babies I knew who were born two months after her started crawling. But honestly, it did not matter to me, because she was happy, she was moving around, and I knew that she would crawl when she wanted to. 

There are many things that I am capable of doing or could learn if I wanted to that I am hesitant or slow to do because of my personality. Babies are no different. 

3. Watch your baby to see what she or he is doing!

While you wait for your baby to reach the next milestone, it can be tempting to become consumed with the list of things your child is not doing yet. If you find yourself worrying and you know there's probably no reason to worry yet, start listing all the little clever things your child does that aren't on the doctor's chart. For me, I was delighted and beaming with pride the first day my daughter handed me a toy, the first day she turned pages in a book, and the first time she let me know she wanted to nurse without crying (she sweetly pointed to what she desired and smiled at me!). Babies are learning and growing at such an astonishing rate - every day they will do something new, clever, and beautiful. Watch for those moments and savor them, because there will be many more of them than there will be big "milestone" moments.

4. It's a great thing to be proud of your kid!

Go ahead and brag about those milestones when they do happen! It's a wonderful thing to be proud of your children. And learning to eat, talk, walk, those are pretty important things and should be celebrated. Give other moms grace and opportunity to brag about their children too. It's okay if your kid isn't doing something yet, they will in their own time, and you know you'll want to brag about it when it happens! So remember not to compare too much, but rejoice with others over the cleverness of your kids. 

And as they get older, make sure they hear you express your pride and delight when they do something well or succeed at something. Those affirming words are so important. It is one thing to have your mom tell you "Good job!" It is another to overhear her telling her friends about how proud she is of you.

I love when I ask a mom if her kid is doing this or that yet and she beams as she tells me, "No, not at all! But he/she is doing these things!" and then she goes on to brag about her kid doing something else. It's beautiful to hear parents delight in who their kids are and give their children space to do things in their own timing. So keep it up, the celebrations of each milestone as they come and go. They all happen so quickly, and I for one love enjoying them and sharing the joy with others.

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Yesterday I discovered that Learning to Trust was nominated for Stay-at-Home Mom Blog of the Year by VoiceBoks! What an honor! I would love it if you would vote for my blog. Click here and scroll down to "Learning to Trust" to vote. You can vote once per day until August 21st. Thank you so much for your support!