Parenting at 60 Decisions Per Minute

I have never been good at making decisions. I always agonize over any set of options. From the seemingly easy choices like which ice cream flavor I should go with to the harder things like trying to decide how to spend vacation time or how many hours a week to commit to working, decision making has always caused me stress. Anyone who has shopped with me in Vera Bradley knows this - I will go into the store knowing exactly what I want and be there for an hour trying to decide if that's what I really want to do.

People who are decisive make me envious. I have no idea what it would feel like to just know what I wanted to do all the time and do it without having to deliberate, discuss, sleep on it, and repeat.

I have made a discovery over the past year that will probably come as a surprise to no one - parenting is all about making decisions. All day long, all the time. As my daughter gets older, I find myself making more decisions and having to make them faster. It can be overwhelming!

There's the obvious, big decisions. Vaccines? What to feed her? Sleep training or co-sleeping or both? Very soon we'll be making decisions about disciplining methods, and eventually schooling, and it goes on and on. At least with those decisions you see them coming. You plan them in advance, do research, have conversations, pray about it, and then continually review and revise your decision as time goes on. Those decisions are hard, but they don't take you too much by surprise.

I've found that it's the minute-to-minute decisions that make up a normal day that really catch me off guard. Deciding when to jump up and respond to my daughter versus when to let her try it on her own for another minute or two. Deciding whether to get some work done and earn some needed income or to sit on the floor and play with toys. Deciding whether to cuddle through nap time or get up and make dinner. Deciding if I should check Facebook while I eat breakfast or if I should just watch her explore the living room. Should I redirect her away from that object, or watch for another minute to see if she can handle it? Should I let her play with that even though it's a little dirty? Should I? Should I? Should I?

There are just so many of these decisions to be made. I feel like I make a parenting choice every second of her waking day. I know I don't always make the right one. Sometimes I regret my choice instantly, other times a whole day goes by and I realize I didn't make enough right choices in that day. Sometimes I do make the right choices, but the majority of the time I have no idea if I'm making the right choice, or if the choice even makes a big difference.

Parenting is all about decision making. But in the midst of those second-by-second decisions, there are two concepts that I feel are very much in tension but that both hold truth. On one hand, children are their own persons, their own unique individuals, and they will grow up to be who they will grow up to be. You have the honor and privilege of parenting them, but ultimately if you love them, care for them, teach them, and provide for them, that is enough. Exactly how you do that is up to you. On the other hand, childhood is the most formative time in a person's life, and being a parent is the most incredible and grave responsibility most of us will ever have. Those decisions, big and small, make an impact.

The pressures of knowing and feeling that responsibility can be overwhelming. But (and I speak to myself as much as anyone else here) remember that ultimately we can and should entrust our children to God. He was the one who entrusted them to us in the first place, and he promises to continue to be with them and care for them, even when we as imperfect parents will inevitably let them down.

I care about each small decision that I make each second of every day. All too often in the moment I make a choice out of laziness instead of making the choice intentionally. I'm not perfect, and I don't always do what I wish I would have, but even though I let many of those moments slide, I care about those decisions. I care about those decisions because I love my daughter very much, and because I know from experience the impact that good parents can have on a person's life. But I also fully acknowledge that the little decisions and day-to-day struggles that we as parents face are not the final word on our success as parents. At the end of the day, the most important legacy we can leave to our children is knowledge of Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection, and their identity as a child of God. And at the end of the day, God loves our children much more than we do, and he entrusted them to us!

God chose to bless me with my daughter, knowing that I would not be a perfect parent and he chose to do that because he loves me and because he loves her. I can sweat each small decision if I want. I can worry about whether I am the best mom I can be 100% of the time, or I can acknowledge that I need God just as my daughter needs God, and I can trust him with my decisions and with my daughter. Trusting God is hard, but it is so comforting, it is so rewarding, and it is based on truth. And ultimately, that is a legacy I want to leave my daughter. I want her to know that I love her, that I trust God with her and that I trust her. That overarching knowledge does guide my everyday decision-making, but it also provides comfort when I know that I fail.

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Learning to Trust has been nominated for Stay-at-Home Mom Blog of the Year by VoiceBoks! Thank you so much to my readers who have already voted for me! It means so much to me. You can vote once per day until August 21st, so even if you've already voted, head back and vote again please!

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