When I'm Hard to Live With {Transparent Tuesday}

Today I'm joining Mel at Our Growing Roots for Transparent Tuesday, a link-up where we can take the opportunity to cast aside the filters we use to depict our lives as always being perfect. My family is in the midst of moving this week, and I think the chaos and stress that goes on during a move is a great example of life's imperfections. So here it is - a transparent, honest look at what moving week is like in our family.

I encourage you to follow this button back to Mel's blog and check out the other posts for the week!

_______________________________________________________________________________

Just two days from now we will be on the road, moving from our seminary apartment back to Michigan, our home state. We are excited for the next year, thrilled to have the opportunity to live near family and friends, and we cannot wait to meet our new vicarage congregation. There is so much to look forward to, but at the same time, the weeks surrounding a big move can be very stressful and bring out the worst in us.

Shortly after we found out where we would be spending the next year I wrote a post about why I love moving. I do love moving... theoretically, and I don't take back what I wrote in that post, but practically, being in the midst of moving week is much messier than that. I love moving because it gives me the opportunity to simplify my life, to give in to my organized, labeling, obsessive self, and to get rid of things that I don't want or use. But sometimes it feels like moving just creates chaos, messes, stress, and tension in the home.

If I am going to be transparent about the past week, I have not been my favorite version of myself. I have been obsessive, up-tight, stressed, tired and I know I have not been the most fun to live with. I feel frustrated because I never get as much done in a day as I wanted to. I feel frustrated because instead of playing with my daughter and reading to her like I usually do I am packing boxes and just trying to keep her away from the new-to-her-and-oh-so-tempting dangerous items that are strewn around the room. When my husband comes home from work my first instinct is not to greet him warmly, have dinner, and allow him to relax. It is to get him to take the baby so that I can do all the things that have been going through my head to do all day that I can't do with Little Girl at my side. And frequently it is, "Take the baby and here is your to-do list." 

Right now moving is my excuse, but there is usually something. Life is full of stresses, reasons to be anxious, up-tight, and it is easy to find an excuse for why we do not treat each other with the kindness and patience that we should. I realized a few days ago that even though it was a busy time, I had a choice, and I could choose to put the people I care about first.

There is so much to do and so little time, and too often in this busy time I have prioritized my to-do list over the people I care about. I have snapped, I have stressed, I have grouched, and I have not listened. I love it when my home is clean. I love it when I have had time to make dinner before my husband gets home. I feel so much satisfaction on those special days when my home is clean, dinner is ready, and I was able to get my work for my job done all before Jonathan comes through that door! But those days are the exception right now and not the rule. Usually I am fortunate if I can get just one of those things accomplished. 

As hard as it is, I know I need to take a moment, breathe, and realize that there will be trade-offs. Maybe I can make dinner, get some packing done, and read a book to my daughter. Just leave the packing mess out, only work one hour instead of two, and decide to be okay with that. Or maybe I can take the time to clean up my mess and we can throw a freezer pizza in the oven or have leftovers for dinner. It is okay to compromise. And instead of being stressed, instead of snapping at the ones I love and placing them below my to-do list, I can decide to speak kindly, to let things slide a bit here and there, and to be okay with the fact that I'm not perfect and I can't do it all.

I am so grateful for a God who forgives and a husband who forgives. I am blessed with family who knows my imperfections and loves me anyway. I'm not perfect and I can't do it all, and that's okay, because no one expects me to.

_________________________________________________________________________________

As you've probably heard by now, Learning to Trust has been nominated for Stay-at-Home Mom Blog of the Year by VoiceBoks! Thanks for all the votes so far! I am still in the top 10 but would love to keep moving up. You can vote here once per day until August 21st. Thank you so much!