When Are You Having Baby #2?

"Are you planning to have another baby soon?"

"Well... " I  search frantically to find the words. The question was well meaning enough. It was even relevant to the conversation, not just someone impertinently asking about my personal family plans. I wanted to answer, but as I searched for the words I had no idea how to respond. I didn't want to launch into my life story, so my response probably came out somewhat hesitantly: "We don't have any plans... that would be nice... we'll see."

The Sweet Side of Separation Anxiety

"Mama, Mamama... Mamaaa..." my little 10-month-old calls for me as she crawls around our new, bigger home, searching to see where I wandered off to this time. I come out to find her and see her on all fours, pattering around the kitchen (clearly where she thinks I usually am) looking for me. She sees me, her face lights up, she aims for me, and her crawling speed doubles as she heads towards me with everything she has. She gets to me, grabs my jeans, and pulls up to standing using my legs for support. Smiling up at me she continues to say, "Mamama! Mama!" until I pick her up. How adorable! Irresistible, right?

I do love it - the knowledge that my daughter finds my presence comforting and reassuring. She has always been such an independent and curious little girl that I have never thought of her as being clingy or a "Mama's girl." But her 10-month-birthday comes after almost a month of transitions: weeks spent packing our home into boxes and storing all our furniture, a two-day road trip, two weeks in our hometown visiting family and friends, and then moving into a new house that is much bigger than our old apartment. Our new home also means that she is in her own room for the first time ever (even though when she wakes up at night she is welcomed into our bed). It is a lot of change for her! And now I read that 10 months is the typical time for babies to experience separation anxiety.

So who can blame her for always needing to know where her parents are, or clinging to us hoping that we won't wander off again? It is only natural. Who can blame her for crying when we put her in her car seat? Sometimes the ride is short, but sometimes it is hours long, and how can she know the difference? Who can blame her for clinging to what is familiar, what she knows, or what she feels safe with? I understand - she needs me. She needs us. She needs familiarity, security, and comfort. And I feel blessed to be able to give her that.

Now if I am being honest, I do not always react positively to my daughter's clinginess. She grabs my legs as described above constantly, she would rather be held than anything else, she pulls at my lips and plays with my hair and digs her little baby nails into my skin as she tries to use me as a baby jungle gym. When my husband comes home for lunch or at the end of the day, sometimes I tell him that all I want is 20 minutes of time where nobody touches me. All I want is a few consecutive moments of personal space.

A Realistic Look at Natural Childbirth

I wrote my birth story just days after our daughter was born. It is raw and fresh, written with a just-been-through-this perspective. Ten months later, I have had some more time to think about and evaluate my experiences, and this post is some of my thoughts on natural childbirth, what I have learned, and what I may do differently next time.

The day I gave birth to my daughter was the best day of my life, to date. I know that the first part of that day - the labor part - was the hardest several hours of my life, but what came after, even just in the few hours immediately following, completely eclipsed the bad and makes that day stand out in my mind and heart.

Even though I remember the day of my daughter's arrival so fondly, looking back I know that it didn't go exactly as I would have liked. There are things I would do differently now, even though I did manage to technically hit all the big goals I had. I was able to labor naturally all the way, spent time on a birthing ball and in the shower, and was able to hold my little girl instantly when she was born and breastfeed within a half hour or less. She was in my arms for the first hour of her life before she was even weighed or bathed, and that time is one of my most cherished memories.

But not everything was perfect. It hurt so much more than I was prepared for. It took forever. I was sent home from the hospital while laboring because I was not progressing fast enough and I refused Pitocin. (I clearly did not need the Pitocin, as my daughter was born naturally 15 hours after it was offered.) I had some coping mechanisms planned, but not enough. Everything went smoothly, but it was extremely painful, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Before giving birth I somehow found myself immersed in the natural childbirth culture. I love the idea of natural childbirth, I value an intervention-free approach, I do not think birth should be treated as a medical emergency, and I think that women should be educated and empowered to birth in the way the feel will be safest and healthiest for their babies and for themselves. But here's the thing - having a baby is very, very painful! It's the worst! My daughter was born at 5:36am, and the five hours before she was born were the worst hours of my life, even though they were followed by the best hours of my life and I have very few regrets. But I think I was expecting something more... bearable? Manageable? Empowering?

4 Truths after 4 Years of Marriage

My husband and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary this week. I thank God every day for my husband and the wonderful marriage we have enjoyed. I feel like when you are newlyweds, society forbids you from giving marriage advice. After all, you're still in the "honeymoon phase" and life hasn't "gotten real" yet. Well, I certainly know what they mean when they refer to the "honeymoon phase." When we got married we were idealistic, didn't believe that we would ever fight, and thought our relationship was "easy."

I have waited patiently to be far enough along in marriage to be "allowed" to give marriage advice, and I'm not sure if four years gives me that right or not. But in the past four years my husband and I have moved three times, both had surgery, dealt with infertility, gone through pregnancy and birth, made it through the "newborn phase" of our firstborn, and parented for almost ten months. So I am finally ready to share a couple words of marriage advice, some things I've learned over the past four years. But honestly, if you had asked me about these things four years ago, I would probably have said the same thing.

1. Be idealistic. 

Engaged couples and newlyweds are notoriously idealistic, and most marriage counselors and well-meaning friends take it upon themselves to dash all their misconceptions by telling them that "it won't always be easy." "Sometimes you'll hate each other." "Marriage is hard work, but worth it." and other similar sentiments. I say, let newlyweds be idealistic! Self-fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, so put it to use for you!