Birth Story Part 2: New Baby Boy

For the first part of my son's story, see Birth Story Part 1: Unexpected Challenges.

Thursday, July 16th

We were scheduled for induction at noon, but as is typical the hospital was busy and we weren't able to get in until 3:30. We dropped our sweet daughter off at Nana's house and headed to the hospital. The most stressful part of the whole experience for me was being away from her for so long. We had never both left her overnight before and we haven't done it since. Doing so is a big deal for us - we don't have our kids babysat very often at all! So needless to say, I really was hoping this whole process would go quickly to minimize time away from her.

We didn't get things started until about 5:30 or 6, because the intake process just takes a while and then they had to do a non-stress test and quick ultrasound to make sure everything was still looking good and Baby was still head-down.

The Church's One Foundation

If you know me well, you may know that I don't like to repeat, say, or sing things if I don't know what they mean. When I was little my mom sometimes would ask me to deliver a message to my dad for her. She would tell me exactly what to say, and I would ask her a bunch of questions trying to figure out what she meant, then I would go find my dad and tell him what I thought she wanted to say in my own words. It drove her crazy. But I just didn't like to say things unless I understood them. And I still don't.

I'm not a very sentimental person. I like things to have purpose and meaning. I never started singing my children lullabies because I was never sure exactly what the words were about, or what the point of singing them was. As adults we all know from experience that songs we have heard hundreds of times stay with us - stuck in our heads forever for better or worse. Before my daughter was born I remember thinking about what I would sing to her. I never really sang before having kids, and I didn't know many lullabies anyway, so I knew I would have to learn some songs. I figured if I was going to start singing to my babies, I should sing something that would benefit them to have in their minds.

Boy or Girl? Why We Love Finding Out

"I don't know how people wait to find out. I could never do that!"

"We wanted the birth to be extra special, and I wouldn't change the excitement of that moment in the delivery room for anything!"

"We wanted to be prepared, to paint the nursery and buy the right clothes."

"We didn't want to only get pink or blue gifts, and you never really know until the baby is born anyway. "

"There are so few real surprises left in life!"

"The surprise is the same whether it happens four months earlier or not!"

I think the reasons why some parents wait to find out and some parents want to know as soon as possible are really interesting. This is one area of parenting where I really think there is no right or wrong way to do it. From the reasons people give why they found out or didn't find out I am convinced that most of the time the underlying reason is the same.

The Gift of Pregnancy

In about five months our family will change in a big way. We will go from a family of three to a family of four. My baby girl will be a big sister, no longer the baby or only child of the family. We will have two precious children to love, care for, get to know, and enjoy. 

Of course, we really are already a family of four, even if most of the changes will come later. Pregnancy is such an interesting time. There  is so much anticipation, so much waiting, so many questions, so many possibilities. I tell my daughter about the baby in my tummy, but I don't think she understands quite yet. I talk to my husband about all the symptoms I have, or if I feel the baby moving, or the puzzle over what to wear in that awkward stage between your regular clothes and maternity clothes. He listens and is genuinely interested and supportive, but so far I am the one experiencing most aspects of this pregnancy.

Treasuring the Child Instead of the Childhood

If you've had young children then you know what it is like to feel invisible. You've been in the grocery store when a stranger comes up to your baby or toddler and strikes up a conversation with them, completely ignoring you. After a few moments they look up awkwardly, see you there  and either politely smile and walk away or ask how old your child is, because they need something to say...

Through the Eyes of a Toddler

Dedicated to my own sweet toddler

When I was a baby I got everything I wanted. When I was hungry I cried, and my mother took me and fed me. When I was tired I cried my little tired cry, and someone who loved me would cuddle me to sleep. When I was feeling uncomfortable I cried, and one of my parents would give me a fresh diaper. And then I would feel hungry again, and all I had to do was ask.

The Other Side of Pregnancy Announcements

One of the most emotional aspects of being on the other side of infertility is knowing how to deal with pregnancy and birth announcements as both a proud mother and as someone who has been in the shoes of those who would give everything to be making similar announcements. Every time I post a baby picture, part of me cringes and hopes and prays that no one will cry or mourn when they see it. When I announced my first pregnancy I did so while publicly letting people know that we had struggled to get pregnant and that this baby was a wonderful miracle and blessing. I didn't want anyone to be hurt, but at the same time, I knew that hurt was inevitable.

An Unexpected Blessing

God really is in control and he really does know what he is doing. When will I stop being surprised by this fact?

We received the most unexpected and pleasant surprise about six weeks ago. Our daughter turned one in October, and we knew we were ready to try to have a second-born. After the long and hard journey we went through the first time, this time we went into things with a more relaxed mindset. We knew that the chances were good that we would not be able to just "have another one," and we were prepared for disappointment. We intended to try, but we were thinking ahead to trying the medication route again, and we also had peace knowing that if we didn't conceive this time we would be happy to pursue adoption in the future.

I didn't want to go back to the place I was in emotionally when we were trying the first time. I wanted to put my trust actively in God, to give it over to him and his timing, and to be content with whatever happened. Even though that was my goal, I knew that it would not be easy. Trusting God is something I am constantly working on, and I don't think it's something any of us can master in this sinful life. But I knew that God had given me the most perfect and wonderful daughter in a way that I didn't expect and in timing that was his and not mine, so I wanted to trust him to continue to grow my family in his own way and time.

Babies, Prayers, and Sunday Mornings

A couple weeks ago I looked at my daughter as we sat down for dinner and had an idea. She had been imitating a lot of things we did recently, intentionally trying to do what we were doing and be like Mommy and Daddy. So I looked at her and said, "Sweetie, can you fold your hands like this? Let's fold our hands and pray" and I folded my hands so she could see. Jonathan caught on right away and made a big exaggerated hand folding gesture too. We both sat there and watched her with our hands folded. She looked back and forth between the two of us for a few minutes and then she smiled really big and folded her hands too! We praised her, then bowed our heads and said the before-dinner prayer.

Now she has the routine down. She even bows her head, and when we say "amen" she applauds and smiles. It melts my heart! It makes me think she could have learned this even earlier. Several times she has even folded her hands and looked at me when I put her in her high chair, reminding me that it is time to pray. She is barely 1, and already, she can learn about Jesus!

Fall Projects - Baby's First Birthday Cake

I may be a stay-at-home mom, but that does not mean that I love to cook. There is a reason I don't blog about food. I certainly can cook, and sometimes I do enjoy it. But while some people cook or bake because they love cooking or baking, I cook and bake because I love eating.

So I make my own food because I want it to be healthy, I want to know exactly what's in it, and because homemade food just tastes better than non-homemade food. I don't live to be in the kitchen. I avoid it whenever possible. But if I decide that I need cookies, pie, or a nice, healthy meal, I make it myself from scratch, just because that's what I want to eat.

As my daughter's first birthday approached, I started thinking about her smash cake. I honestly don't know what I think about the custom of doing a smash cake. It seems odd to celebrate a kid making a mess and overdosing on sugar just because they're turning one. But at the same time, I understand the desire to do something special for your little one, and sweet food is definitely special when you're a baby and your mother has never given you more than one or two bites of dessert! So I decided to just go with the tradition and do something special for my little one-year-old.

One Year Later - 6 Ways Having a Baby Changed My Life

A few days ago we celebrated my daughter's first birthday. I cannot believe the way this little girl has changed my life. She is so sweet, so smart, so beautiful. It is an honor and privilege to be her parent.

I look back over the past year, and it has flown by. There have been hard times, many sleepless nights, and so much to do! But the thing that stands out for me is the joy. The smiles, the cuddles, the laughter and delight watching my little girl learn, grow, and do new clever and funny things every day.

Being a parent really does change your life. In some ways (okay, a lot of ways) it makes things more challenging, but it also brings blessings, both expected and unexpected. All those things I have read and heard (think, those listicle Huffington Post articles) about how being a parent changes everything and makes your life harder have elements of truth in them, but they are not the whole picture.

I thought about some of the ways that having a baby changed my life, and here is what I have to say about a few big ones I hear parents mention a lot.

Of Course My Baby Has Personality!

We were getting our pictures taken for a new church directory. I dressed the three of us in coordinating-but-not-matchy-matchy outfits, and we walked over to the church. My sweet daughter smiled and was friendly to the lady checking us in, and we had a pleasant chat while waiting for the photographer. Then we sat for our pictures, and of course, Little Girl gives the photographer a blank stare, mouth partially open as if to say, "What are you doing?" in all of the pictures. He tried to get her to laugh or smile, but she just looked more confused. We never got a picture with three people smiling. Oh well, no harm done. I wasn't planning on ordering any anyway, and she is adorable no matter what face she's making. 

As we prepared to leave the session the photographer commented, "Don't worry. She'll develop a personality eventually." I'm sure you can imagine my motherly indignation at that comment! 

A Tale of Four Octobers

October 2011

This is my last semester of real college classes. Next semester I student teach. I am focusing on senior seminar, classes, and helping my husband fill out seminary applications. And yet, although only a few people know this, all I can think about is having a baby. Each month the disappointment feels just a little stronger. Each month I spend part of that day that dashes all my hopes in tears.

We have been trying for almost six months now. It wasn't in the original plan to have a baby so soon, but the more we talk about it as a couple, the more convicted we are that using birth control is not right for us and is not trusting God with our future. And then somehow "not preventing" turned into "trying" and now we're approaching the six month mark and I'm beginning to worry.

Some of my friends and acquaintances who got married when we did are pregnant now. Most of them weren't even trying, which stings a little. We're young, and this is supposed to be easy. I've read the statistics that say that 80% of women my age get pregnant within the first six months of trying. 7-10% deal with infertility. The numbers are starting to look concerning as we hit that six month mark this month, but my husband isn't worried yet. I am determined to follow his lead and stay positive. It's going to happen any month now.

Discontent Despite the Blessings?

Today is one of those days where I've been feeling overwhelmed. I have found myself spending much of my time today wishing for things - anything from thinking back over past experiences and wishing they had been better to worrying about things far in the future. 

If I were asked to describe my life right now, I would have wonderful things to say about it.

Can We Really "Do It All"?

Where did all those summer days go? In some ways each day was just like the one before and the one after, and yet but each one was so special. How can it be that my little girl has been moving around, exploring, and playing on her own for over four months now? How can it be that the whole summer went by, all those walks, the sunshine, the easy afternoons cuddling my daughter and nursing her to sleep, then after nap time waiting expectantly for "Daddy" to get home, then dinner together, then a quiet evening or perhaps another walk or outing... The whole summer went by like that, and now here we are - it is fall, and we are just a month away from a first birthday party.

What was I doing with all of those days?

I look at my beautiful daughter these days, and I am in awe of how smart she is, how well she understands me, how much she loves life. She is such a happy, energetic little girl, and I wish I could see the world through her eyes. I spend so much of my day with her, and yet looking back, I wonder how many of those summer days with her slipped by me while I worked on getting things done in spite of her.

My Experience with Breastfeeding in Public

When I first brought my baby girl home from the hospital, like most new moms, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't go out and breastfeed on-the-go for at least a couple weeks, mostly because I didn't know how to do it. Between the tiny baby, the awkward cover-up blankets, and the fact that I was still working out the kinks of breastfeeding to begin with, it just felt daunting. Add to that the worry that those around me might feel awkward, stare, or react in some way I could't predict to me feeding my baby, and I just wanted to stay home. Eventually I ventured out with my baby and my little blankets to cover up with, and as time went on I got more and more comfortable. These days I breastfeed pretty much whenever or wherever I want to, sometimes I ditch the blanket, and I feel pretty secure in almost any setting.

Breastfeeding in public... just throw the phrase out there in a room of parents and everyone will have an opinion. If I am honest people on both polar sides of the issue strike a nerve with me. On one hand there are those who would rather a mother remove herself from just about any social situation before she discretely nurse her child while out and about. On the other hand there are the mothers who seem to imply from their loud cries for equality and fairness that all "truly liberated and self-confident" women should feel comfortable just sitting down and nursing, cover or no cover, in any setting regardless of who else is there or what is going on! I find myself (as always) somewhere in the middle of the issue, but unclear as to exactly what I think at times. This post is just a few of my thoughts and experiences on breastfeeding in public.

I was raised with a strong sense of modesty when it comes to dress and appearance, but I also believe in doing what is best for my kid no matter what those around me think. So sometimes I choose to be discreet because it makes me feel more comfortable, but sometimes I just do what is best for my baby and feed her wherever and whenever she expresses hunger. There are of course situations that have come up that have made me feel uncomfortable. Some of the more uncomfortable moments have included:

Don't Over-Think It: 7 Breastfeeding Tips for New Moms

One blessing of parenting so far for us has been the ease with which both my daughter and I have been able to breastfeed. Knowing that breastfeeding is a challenge for many women and babies, I feel so fortunate and thankful that it came naturally for us. I love the breastfeeding relationship I have with my daughter, the ease, simplicity, and affordability with which I can feed her, and the knowledge that what has turned into the simplest way to feed her is also providing great nutrition and health benefits. From a practical standpoint, breastfeeding can't be beat for our family. And from a personal standpoint, I love spending that time with my baby every day. As she gets older and is on the go much of the time, I appreciate that breastfeeding gives me an excuse to hold her and bond with her. I can see how easy it would be for those moments to slide away if I didn't have that built in cuddle time every day.

Before my daughter was born I worried non-stop that I would not be able to breastfeed. I heard so many stories about women who had difficulty producing milk or whose babies struggled to breastfeed properly. I spent a lot of time worrying about the what-ifs. But I was very fortunate that when the time came, I ran into no remarkable struggles. Looking back, I wish I had heard more positive stories that reassured me that for most women, breastfeeding comes naturally and works well. After breastfeeding for 10 months now, I thought I would share some encouraging and positive tips with new moms and mothers-to-be.

When Are You Having Baby #2?

"Are you planning to have another baby soon?"

"Well... " I  search frantically to find the words. The question was well meaning enough. It was even relevant to the conversation, not just someone impertinently asking about my personal family plans. I wanted to answer, but as I searched for the words I had no idea how to respond. I didn't want to launch into my life story, so my response probably came out somewhat hesitantly: "We don't have any plans... that would be nice... we'll see."

A Realistic Look at Natural Childbirth

I wrote my birth story just days after our daughter was born. It is raw and fresh, written with a just-been-through-this perspective. Ten months later, I have had some more time to think about and evaluate my experiences, and this post is some of my thoughts on natural childbirth, what I have learned, and what I may do differently next time.

The day I gave birth to my daughter was the best day of my life, to date. I know that the first part of that day - the labor part - was the hardest several hours of my life, but what came after, even just in the few hours immediately following, completely eclipsed the bad and makes that day stand out in my mind and heart.

Even though I remember the day of my daughter's arrival so fondly, looking back I know that it didn't go exactly as I would have liked. There are things I would do differently now, even though I did manage to technically hit all the big goals I had. I was able to labor naturally all the way, spent time on a birthing ball and in the shower, and was able to hold my little girl instantly when she was born and breastfeed within a half hour or less. She was in my arms for the first hour of her life before she was even weighed or bathed, and that time is one of my most cherished memories.

But not everything was perfect. It hurt so much more than I was prepared for. It took forever. I was sent home from the hospital while laboring because I was not progressing fast enough and I refused Pitocin. (I clearly did not need the Pitocin, as my daughter was born naturally 15 hours after it was offered.) I had some coping mechanisms planned, but not enough. Everything went smoothly, but it was extremely painful, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Before giving birth I somehow found myself immersed in the natural childbirth culture. I love the idea of natural childbirth, I value an intervention-free approach, I do not think birth should be treated as a medical emergency, and I think that women should be educated and empowered to birth in the way the feel will be safest and healthiest for their babies and for themselves. But here's the thing - having a baby is very, very painful! It's the worst! My daughter was born at 5:36am, and the five hours before she was born were the worst hours of my life, even though they were followed by the best hours of my life and I have very few regrets. But I think I was expecting something more... bearable? Manageable? Empowering?

Parenting at 60 Decisions Per Minute

I have never been good at making decisions. I always agonize over any set of options. From the seemingly easy choices like which ice cream flavor I should go with to the harder things like trying to decide how to spend vacation time or how many hours a week to commit to working, decision making has always caused me stress. Anyone who has shopped with me in Vera Bradley knows this - I will go into the store knowing exactly what I want and be there for an hour trying to decide if that's what I really want to do.

People who are decisive make me envious. I have no idea what it would feel like to just know what I wanted to do all the time and do it without having to deliberate, discuss, sleep on it, and repeat.

I have made a discovery over the past year that will probably come as a surprise to no one - parenting is all about making decisions. All day long, all the time. As my daughter gets older, I find myself making more decisions and having to make them faster. It can be overwhelming!

There's the obvious, big decisions. Vaccines? What to feed her? Sleep training or co-sleeping or both? Very soon we'll be making decisions about disciplining methods, and eventually schooling, and it goes on and on. At least with those decisions you see them coming. You plan them in advance, do research, have conversations, pray about it, and then continually review and revise your decision as time goes on. Those decisions are hard, but they don't take you too much by surprise.