My Experience with Breastfeeding in Public

When I first brought my baby girl home from the hospital, like most new moms, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't go out and breastfeed on-the-go for at least a couple weeks, mostly because I didn't know how to do it. Between the tiny baby, the awkward cover-up blankets, and the fact that I was still working out the kinks of breastfeeding to begin with, it just felt daunting. Add to that the worry that those around me might feel awkward, stare, or react in some way I could't predict to me feeding my baby, and I just wanted to stay home. Eventually I ventured out with my baby and my little blankets to cover up with, and as time went on I got more and more comfortable. These days I breastfeed pretty much whenever or wherever I want to, sometimes I ditch the blanket, and I feel pretty secure in almost any setting.

Breastfeeding in public... just throw the phrase out there in a room of parents and everyone will have an opinion. If I am honest people on both polar sides of the issue strike a nerve with me. On one hand there are those who would rather a mother remove herself from just about any social situation before she discretely nurse her child while out and about. On the other hand there are the mothers who seem to imply from their loud cries for equality and fairness that all "truly liberated and self-confident" women should feel comfortable just sitting down and nursing, cover or no cover, in any setting regardless of who else is there or what is going on! I find myself (as always) somewhere in the middle of the issue, but unclear as to exactly what I think at times. This post is just a few of my thoughts and experiences on breastfeeding in public.

I was raised with a strong sense of modesty when it comes to dress and appearance, but I also believe in doing what is best for my kid no matter what those around me think. So sometimes I choose to be discreet because it makes me feel more comfortable, but sometimes I just do what is best for my baby and feed her wherever and whenever she expresses hunger. There are of course situations that have come up that have made me feel uncomfortable. Some of the more uncomfortable moments have included:

Using a cover at home.

The most awkward I have ever felt has been trying to use a cover while feeding my daughter in our living room. I did this when she was a newborn and we had people over because I felt that this was the only modest, acceptable way to do it. I didn't want to go away to feed her, and I didn't feel good about forgoing the cover because I wasn't confident in my discreetness yet. But when my baby started to be bothered by the cover or if she was sweaty under the blanket it did not feel right. She was in her house, and anyone who was a close enough friend to be in my living room should not mind if the baby is eating. I now no longer use a cover in the comfort of my own home. It's my house. If you don't want to see me feed my baby, don't look, or don't come over. 

Being shown to a locker room as a "place to breastfeed."

By six months of age breastfeeding in public was not something that was happening regularly anymore, not because I was uncomfortable, but because my little girl is easily distracted and will not actually focus and eat if there is a lot going on around her. On one occasion I was at a formal event and there was a lot going on around me. Knowing that there probably would be a restroom somewhere with a rocking chair or an area for nursing babies, I asked a staff person where I could feed my daughter. She showed me to a locker room where there was only a hard bench to sit on. 

I ended up opting to sit in some armchair in a seldom-used hallway on that occasion. The staff person was very friendly and kind, but nursing my baby doesn't have to be a locker room activity. I would have felt more comfortable if she had said, "We do not have an area set up for breastfeeding, but you are welcome to feed her wherever you are comfortable," and maybe helped me find an armchair or an out-of-the-way area.  

When others are watching.

Especially if my baby has been gathering a lot of attention with her adorable waving and smiling, or if she has been fussing because she is hungry, sometimes I will feel like everyone is watching me as I try to get situated to breastfeed. I always end up using a muslin blanket in these situations because I feel more comfortable that way, even though I know my daughter would probably prefer no blanket. I believe wholeheartedly that women should be able to breastfeed whenever, wherever, however they want, and I do not think that most women need to use a cover to do so discretely. But personally, I have almost always chosen to use a cover, even if it is unnecessary. It just makes me feel more comfortable. 

"Is she done eating yet?" 

This happened when she was a newborn - I would nurse her for an hour sometimes at a family event or a party, and someone would usually comment about how long she nursed in an inquisitive way. Some babies just nurse a lot. Almost all babies nurse for comfort. Some babies are born small and need to eat seemingly all the time for the first few months. My daughter falls into all three categories. No, I'm not just feeding my baby for an hour and a half so I don't have to share her or let you hold her. Although even if I were... so what? 

It has been over 10 months since my daughter was born, and when I think back over these uncomfortable moments I wish that I had just decided to be okay with the situation. I wish I had never tried to feed my baby under a cover in my own home. I wish that I hadn't asked and had just found a place to nurse at the event, or taken one look into the locker room and said, "Thanks, but I'm sure I can find a chair somewhere..." I wish I had never felt uncomfortable when people watched me feed my daughter or asked questions about her eating habits. In my experience I always felt more uncomfortable than the people around me, so if others aren't uncomfortable, why should I be? 

Much of the conversation about normalizing breastfeeding that I have read is so polarizing. There are those who talk about always breastfeeding in private for the sake of "decency" and there are those who want women to breastfeed wherever and whenever and want us all to flaunt our freedom to do "whatever we want with our bodies." Why does the dialogue have to be so extreme? My experience in the "real world" is that the four instances I mentioned above are the only times I have really felt uncomfortable, and in all of those situations the people around me have been supportive and positive.

The bottom line is this - if you feel comfortable and act in a way that makes sense for you and your baby, people will usually be supportive and will not try to make you uncomfortable. Breastfeeding doesn't have to be a polarizing topic. Use a cover if you want, but if it's in the way and isn't needed for modesty, don't. Find a quiet space if that's what your baby needs, but if your baby can nurse anywhere and you don't want to miss out on whatever is going on, then don't worry about it!

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This post is part two of a two-part post series on breastfeeding. For more of my thoughts on the subject, check out Don't Over-Think It - 7 Breastfeeding Tips for New Moms.