Back in June I wrote about the easy phase - the early days of increasing independence but she was still not crawling. She was keeping to a routine but still hadn't learned about her boundaries. She was easy. Simple to parent. All she needed was love, food, cuddles, sleep, diaper changes...
As I said, a switch has gone off. All of a sudden I feel the need for discipline. She is starting to test her limits. She knows what things she is not allowed to play with, and intentionally seeks them out when she knows I cannot see her. Sometimes she drops food off the side of her high chair just to get attention. She knows that I don't want her to do that, and I know she knows, because if I look at her and say, "Sweetie, don't drop your cup please. We don't drop our cups," she will usually pull it back up onto her tray. She knows that "We don't stand up in the bathtub" and that "We don't chew on cords." Sometimes she does what she knows she should, and sometimes she doesn't. And I know that this is just the beginning.
Right now it seems like all she needs is loving consistency and guidelines, but I can tell that we are fast entering an area where I have no idea what I am doing.
Because while it's great that she knows not to drop her cup, what am I supposed to do when she locks eyes with me, listens when I ask her to not drop her cup, and then drops it anyway? I know I'm supposed to do something. But what?
I know that I am naive and clueless when it comes to the realm of parenting known as discipline. At least I know that about myself going in. I have goals - I want to discipline consistently, in love, and never out of anger. I want to set logical (to me anyway), reasonable boundaries and rules that have meaning, and I want to enforce them fairly and with kindness. I want to be sensitive to the fact that children do not have the communication skills of adults, and because of that they may use their behavior to try to communicate complex emotions that they do not have words for. I want to try to meet their unspoken needs that they communicate, and I want to do so while still being consistent with discipline about the boundaries they may be breaking.
My sweet baby girl will frequently come up to me if I'm working at the table, stand up, and start biting my knee. She has a lot of teeth, and it really hurts, so I usually let out a sincere cry of pain! When I look down at her little face, she will smile at me, as if to say, "Hi Mama! I'm so glad you're paying attention to me!" As I sit there, frustrated and trying to figure out how to respond to a 10-month-old who bites, I realize that she has been "chatting" and vocalizing for a few minutes now, and I had just been going about my work. Maybe she has been trying to get my attention, and nothing worked until she bit me.
When I think of it that way, it's hard to be upset. "We do not bite people!" I tell her. "No! Don't bite me please!" Then I pick her up and cuddle her and step away from my computer and we do something together.
I know it is just going to get harder and more complicated as she gets older. If only it was simple. If only every misbehavior was really just a cry for attention, a misunderstanding, or a one-time mistake. But while at this age, many misbehaviors may be just that, I know that my sweet little girl suffers from the same condition as I do - I know that she is a sinner. Sometimes she will make the wrong choices and do bad things just because she is not a perfect person. Just as sometimes I will react to her actions in a way that I should not. And this is what is hard to deal with. How do I, as an imperfect person, attempt to raise another imperfect person? How can I be fair? How can I be consistent? How am I supposed to know the difference between cries for attention, honest mistakes, and willful disobedience?
I am glad that I do not venture into this parenting arena alone. I am reassured to know that God has entrusted me with this child knowing that I am not perfect and knowing that I will mess up. And when I do, he will forgive me. So when my daughter messes up, I can also forgive her.
Discipline is hard. I'm just beginning to peak into this area and I have no idea how to proceed. I may be unsure, but I am grateful for a loving God who models fatherhood to us, his children, and I am grateful for the supports he has placed in my life to help me. I am grateful to have a husband who is a natural with our daughter. I am grateful to have the blessing of great role-models in my own parents and the memories of a very positive childhood to look back upon. I know I will never be perfect at this, but admitting that feels like the first step in figuring out how to parent a person who is no longer a baby. I want to be perfect at it, but that is my own pride and my own sin already entering into the equation. I know I am not perfect. As always, the first step is turning my daughter and our day-to-day lives over to our Heavenly Father and learning to trust him with her future.
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