The Church's One Foundation

If you know me well, you may know that I don't like to repeat, say, or sing things if I don't know what they mean. When I was little my mom sometimes would ask me to deliver a message to my dad for her. She would tell me exactly what to say, and I would ask her a bunch of questions trying to figure out what she meant, then I would go find my dad and tell him what I thought she wanted to say in my own words. It drove her crazy. But I just didn't like to say things unless I understood them. And I still don't.

I'm not a very sentimental person. I like things to have purpose and meaning. I never started singing my children lullabies because I was never sure exactly what the words were about, or what the point of singing them was. As adults we all know from experience that songs we have heard hundreds of times stay with us - stuck in our heads forever for better or worse. Before my daughter was born I remember thinking about what I would sing to her. I never really sang before having kids, and I didn't know many lullabies anyway, so I knew I would have to learn some songs. I figured if I was going to start singing to my babies, I should sing something that would benefit them to have in their minds.

My Favorite Time of Day

Funny, isn't it, how even though we love our children more than we can describe, even though we think they're so sweet, funny, clever and delightful, even though we look at them with such awe and wonder as they grow bigger and smarter each day, despite all that... Sometimes "nap time" is still our favorite time of day.

Maybe I don't speak for you, but that's where I am right now. I have a beautiful and smart little girl who is one of my all-time favorite people to be around and I have a cuddly, sweet baby boy who is so sweet and laid back and is starting to smile and interact with me more and more. They are my favorites and I love spending each day with them, but the peace and quiet of nap time is the time of day that I live for. Sometimes I just need an hour to myself.

Treasuring the Child Instead of the Childhood

If you've had young children then you know what it is like to feel invisible. You've been in the grocery store when a stranger comes up to your baby or toddler and strikes up a conversation with them, completely ignoring you. After a few moments they look up awkwardly, see you there  and either politely smile and walk away or ask how old your child is, because they need something to say...

Scoliosis Story - Part 3: Feeling Loved

Part 1 - Unanswered Prayers
Part 2 - Surgery and Recovery

I thought I wouldn't want to remember anything about my experience with scoliosis or my surgery, but today when I think back on that time, I always remember it fondly. I never expected that would be the case, but 10 years later I am incredibly grateful for this particular experience.


I do remember that I was in pain, I do remember being embarrassed, I remember not being able to do things I wanted to do. But I don't remember how any of that felt. I don't ever re-live those negative aspects. What I do remember was the way everyone in my life at the time cared for me. What I do remember makes me feel so very loved.

Making Time for Family Dinner

Everyone is so busy these days. Families busy with balancing work schedules, kids with sports and other extra-curricular activities, church nights, play dates... there is always something between us and that elusive "family time." I don't think anything is more precious to me these days than family time with my husband and daughter. I love spending time with each of them individually, and as a stay-at-home-mom I spend lots of time with my little girl, but there's something absolutely priceless about all three of us doing something together. I love seeing the way the two people I love the most show their love for each other.

It can be so difficult in our busy culture to make time for family. Unfortunately, even though it is the most important thing to many of us, it is the first thing to get cut from the schedule to make room for other seemingly more urgent things. Today I was reminded how few young people are growing up in homes where they eat dinner with their families on a regular basis. Family meal time was something that made a strong impression on me as a child and something that I plan to fiercely defend and prioritize now as a parent.

Fall Projects - Baby's First Birthday Cake

I may be a stay-at-home mom, but that does not mean that I love to cook. There is a reason I don't blog about food. I certainly can cook, and sometimes I do enjoy it. But while some people cook or bake because they love cooking or baking, I cook and bake because I love eating.

So I make my own food because I want it to be healthy, I want to know exactly what's in it, and because homemade food just tastes better than non-homemade food. I don't live to be in the kitchen. I avoid it whenever possible. But if I decide that I need cookies, pie, or a nice, healthy meal, I make it myself from scratch, just because that's what I want to eat.

As my daughter's first birthday approached, I started thinking about her smash cake. I honestly don't know what I think about the custom of doing a smash cake. It seems odd to celebrate a kid making a mess and overdosing on sugar just because they're turning one. But at the same time, I understand the desire to do something special for your little one, and sweet food is definitely special when you're a baby and your mother has never given you more than one or two bites of dessert! So I decided to just go with the tradition and do something special for my little one-year-old.

Setting Aside the Need for Perfection

Last week my daughter and I visited an apple orchard with a some friends. It was a beautiful day, we picked a bushel of apples, picnicked, chatted, and had a great time. Before we left I picked up some apple cider and fresh donuts to take home to Jonathan. When I got home my daughter was asleep in the back of the van. I didn't want to wake her, so I asked Jonathan to come out and sit in the car with me. There in the driveway we enjoyed some cider and donuts together. 

The cider was perfect - fresh, Michigan, unpasteurized, delicious. If you have never had cider straight from an orchard, you do not know what cider is. The donuts had been taken out of the oven just an hour earlier and complimented the cider perfectly. We sat there in the car with the cool air, the sunshine, and the colorful fall leaves all around us. It was a beautiful moment.  

It wasn't picture perfect... we were in the car. The diaper bag was in between us, open with things spilling out of it. Our lunch items and picnic blanket from the outing were laying around, and we shared my travel cup to drink the cider out of. It was a lovely moment together, but it certainly didn't look "Pinterest-worthy."

4 Reasons Not to Worry about Your Child's Future Spouse

Raising a little one, I think about her future a lot. Today she is just a little girl, working on the skills of standing, walking, and learning words. Before I know it, these years will be gone and she will be a young woman, an adult, working on learning a profession, balancing her own budget, and maybe dating and marrying a young man.

So often I hear parents, grandparents, and other concerned adults expressing concern over the future of our children. Fellow Christians seem to be the most concerned group, but everyone has these worries. How will they find "good spouses," or "good Christian spouses" when the world is such a bad place and "good" men or women are so hard to find? Well, I know for sure my daughter will never come across a "perfect man" because there aren't any. (Except Jesus, that is, and she already knows Him.) I do, however, believe that she will be just fine. After all, the world has been a "bad place" ever since the fall. I found a great husband, my parents found each other, my grandparents found each other, other family members have found wonderful spouses so far. Even if the world isn't getting better, it isn't getting worse either.

I'm not worried about my daughter finding a good, kind, Christ-following husband at all. Of all the things that I worry about, that isn't one of them. I understand that the world is a bad place. I know that there will be plenty of poor choices out there when she is ready to get married some day. But I believe that if she does marry, she will marry a good man. Here are a few of the reasons why I'm not worried:

Of Course My Baby Has Personality!

We were getting our pictures taken for a new church directory. I dressed the three of us in coordinating-but-not-matchy-matchy outfits, and we walked over to the church. My sweet daughter smiled and was friendly to the lady checking us in, and we had a pleasant chat while waiting for the photographer. Then we sat for our pictures, and of course, Little Girl gives the photographer a blank stare, mouth partially open as if to say, "What are you doing?" in all of the pictures. He tried to get her to laugh or smile, but she just looked more confused. We never got a picture with three people smiling. Oh well, no harm done. I wasn't planning on ordering any anyway, and she is adorable no matter what face she's making. 

As we prepared to leave the session the photographer commented, "Don't worry. She'll develop a personality eventually." I'm sure you can imagine my motherly indignation at that comment! 

A Tale of Four Octobers

October 2011

This is my last semester of real college classes. Next semester I student teach. I am focusing on senior seminar, classes, and helping my husband fill out seminary applications. And yet, although only a few people know this, all I can think about is having a baby. Each month the disappointment feels just a little stronger. Each month I spend part of that day that dashes all my hopes in tears.

We have been trying for almost six months now. It wasn't in the original plan to have a baby so soon, but the more we talk about it as a couple, the more convicted we are that using birth control is not right for us and is not trusting God with our future. And then somehow "not preventing" turned into "trying" and now we're approaching the six month mark and I'm beginning to worry.

Some of my friends and acquaintances who got married when we did are pregnant now. Most of them weren't even trying, which stings a little. We're young, and this is supposed to be easy. I've read the statistics that say that 80% of women my age get pregnant within the first six months of trying. 7-10% deal with infertility. The numbers are starting to look concerning as we hit that six month mark this month, but my husband isn't worried yet. I am determined to follow his lead and stay positive. It's going to happen any month now.

Discontent Despite the Blessings?

Today is one of those days where I've been feeling overwhelmed. I have found myself spending much of my time today wishing for things - anything from thinking back over past experiences and wishing they had been better to worrying about things far in the future. 

If I were asked to describe my life right now, I would have wonderful things to say about it.

Can We Really "Do It All"?

Where did all those summer days go? In some ways each day was just like the one before and the one after, and yet but each one was so special. How can it be that my little girl has been moving around, exploring, and playing on her own for over four months now? How can it be that the whole summer went by, all those walks, the sunshine, the easy afternoons cuddling my daughter and nursing her to sleep, then after nap time waiting expectantly for "Daddy" to get home, then dinner together, then a quiet evening or perhaps another walk or outing... The whole summer went by like that, and now here we are - it is fall, and we are just a month away from a first birthday party.

What was I doing with all of those days?

I look at my beautiful daughter these days, and I am in awe of how smart she is, how well she understands me, how much she loves life. She is such a happy, energetic little girl, and I wish I could see the world through her eyes. I spend so much of my day with her, and yet looking back, I wonder how many of those summer days with her slipped by me while I worked on getting things done in spite of her.

How Do You Discipline a Baby?

I sense that I am entering a whole new realm of parenting. This past week or so it is like a switch has gone off with our little lady. She strikes me each day as being so much more grown up! She understands so much of what I say, knows what she is and is not supposed to do to a large extent, problem solves and plays with her toys so intelligently... Watching her go through her day I keep getting the feeling that my baby is less and less of a baby and more of a... child? Toddler? Kid? While she still has plenty of "baby" moments, I feel like the word no longer accurately describes her.

Back in June I wrote about the easy phase - the early days of increasing independence but she was still not crawling. She was keeping to a routine but still hadn't learned about her boundaries. She was easy. Simple to parent. All she needed was love, food, cuddles, sleep, diaper changes... 

As I said, a switch has gone off. All of a sudden I feel the need for discipline. She is starting to test her limits. She knows what things she is not allowed to play with, and intentionally seeks them out when she knows I cannot see her. Sometimes she drops food off the side of her high chair just to get attention. She knows that I don't want her to do that, and I know she knows, because if I look at her and say, "Sweetie, don't drop your cup please. We don't drop our cups," she will usually pull it back up onto her tray. She knows that "We don't stand up in the bathtub" and that "We don't chew on cords." Sometimes she does what she knows she should, and sometimes she doesn't. And I know that this is just the beginning. 

The Sweet Side of Separation Anxiety

"Mama, Mamama... Mamaaa..." my little 10-month-old calls for me as she crawls around our new, bigger home, searching to see where I wandered off to this time. I come out to find her and see her on all fours, pattering around the kitchen (clearly where she thinks I usually am) looking for me. She sees me, her face lights up, she aims for me, and her crawling speed doubles as she heads towards me with everything she has. She gets to me, grabs my jeans, and pulls up to standing using my legs for support. Smiling up at me she continues to say, "Mamama! Mama!" until I pick her up. How adorable! Irresistible, right?

I do love it - the knowledge that my daughter finds my presence comforting and reassuring. She has always been such an independent and curious little girl that I have never thought of her as being clingy or a "Mama's girl." But her 10-month-birthday comes after almost a month of transitions: weeks spent packing our home into boxes and storing all our furniture, a two-day road trip, two weeks in our hometown visiting family and friends, and then moving into a new house that is much bigger than our old apartment. Our new home also means that she is in her own room for the first time ever (even though when she wakes up at night she is welcomed into our bed). It is a lot of change for her! And now I read that 10 months is the typical time for babies to experience separation anxiety.

So who can blame her for always needing to know where her parents are, or clinging to us hoping that we won't wander off again? It is only natural. Who can blame her for crying when we put her in her car seat? Sometimes the ride is short, but sometimes it is hours long, and how can she know the difference? Who can blame her for clinging to what is familiar, what she knows, or what she feels safe with? I understand - she needs me. She needs us. She needs familiarity, security, and comfort. And I feel blessed to be able to give her that.

Now if I am being honest, I do not always react positively to my daughter's clinginess. She grabs my legs as described above constantly, she would rather be held than anything else, she pulls at my lips and plays with my hair and digs her little baby nails into my skin as she tries to use me as a baby jungle gym. When my husband comes home for lunch or at the end of the day, sometimes I tell him that all I want is 20 minutes of time where nobody touches me. All I want is a few consecutive moments of personal space.

When I'm Hard to Live With {Transparent Tuesday}

Today I'm joining Mel at Our Growing Roots for Transparent Tuesday, a link-up where we can take the opportunity to cast aside the filters we use to depict our lives as always being perfect. My family is in the midst of moving this week, and I think the chaos and stress that goes on during a move is a great example of life's imperfections. So here it is - a transparent, honest look at what moving week is like in our family.

I encourage you to follow this button back to Mel's blog and check out the other posts for the week!

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Just two days from now we will be on the road, moving from our seminary apartment back to Michigan, our home state. We are excited for the next year, thrilled to have the opportunity to live near family and friends, and we cannot wait to meet our new vicarage congregation. There is so much to look forward to, but at the same time, the weeks surrounding a big move can be very stressful and bring out the worst in us.

Shortly after we found out where we would be spending the next year I wrote a post about why I love moving. I do love moving... theoretically, and I don't take back what I wrote in that post, but practically, being in the midst of moving week is much messier than that. I love moving because it gives me the opportunity to simplify my life, to give in to my organized, labeling, obsessive self, and to get rid of things that I don't want or use. But sometimes it feels like moving just creates chaos, messes, stress, and tension in the home.

4 Quick Thoughts on Baby Milestones

I was working, sitting on my couch, while my daughter who had just started crawling a week ago played in the living room. I looked up from my computer and there she was, standing up while holding onto our coffee table! "Little Girl! Look at you!" I cried, and reached for my camera to snap a quick picture. She had pulled up to get to the remote control, and was chewing on it, but that didn't seem very important in the moment. I had to remind myself that I should probably take that away from her. But I was so proud!

Naturally when my daughter hits a big milestone I feel this compulsive need to brag about it to everyone I come into contact with. After all, she is so very clever for learning how to crawl, or pull up, or clap or say "Mama"! But there's also this tug at my heart that makes me think, "This is all going so fast! Just a year ago I was pregnant and expectantly looking forward to cuddling my baby girl, and now she's standing up over there and exploring her world and it's almost gone!" I try to resist the urge to long for the past and instead choose to be excited for all she is learning and going to do in the next year and beyond, but time sure does fly! Milestones bring such a wave of emotions, don't they?

Baby milestones are always a popular topic among parents, especially moms of little ones. It makes for good conversation and it offers up opportunities for us all to brag about our kids. But sometimes it can feel like a competition. And sometimes it seems to cause anxiety when our babies don't do certain things when we think they should.

Bright, Colorful, Wonderful Messes

It happened today. I always secretly hoped that it wouldn't be me, that somehow I would end up being the one wife and mother that always succeeded in having a clean home without baskets of unfolded laundry sitting out and plastic toys covering the floor in every room. I really do try. I have a basket in the living room where all the baby toys go when they're not being used... hypothetically. Generally speaking, it isn't too bad around here.

Today I thought I was having a particularly good day home with my baby girl. She had played nicely by herself for little half hour segments of time here and there that had allowed me to do some work for my work-from-home job. We had taken a morning walk together despite the crushing humidity of a St. Louis summer day so I felt like I had exercised. We ate the same thing for lunch - Cheerios and yogurt - which just makes me realize how fast my baby is growing up. She took a decent afternoon nap, again I was able to get a thing or two done, though somehow not as much as I felt I "needed" to do. Then about a half hour before my husband got home from work I pulled out the cookbook and actually made dinner. I was able to utter the phrase, "Dinner is in the oven" when he came home, which always makes me feel like a huge success.

A Stay-at-Home Mom with a College Degree

I didn't go to college so I could get a job. I didn't go to college because everyone goes to college. I didn't go to college because my ultimate dream was to work in my field of study. I went to college because I wanted to. I went to college because there were things I wanted to learn. There were classes I wanted to take, people to meet, things to experience, and an opportunity to learn really important and interesting things about the world and how it works.

How is this relevant? Well, today I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I would like to be a stay-at-home mom for a while. I know that I want to homeschool my daughter and any future children we are blessed with. So in the immediate future I don't plan to "use" my college degree in a traditional job-related sense. It might be tempting to think of my college education as a "waste," but I don't see it that way.

Do You Ever Wish You Were a More "Attached" or "Crunchier" Parent?

Sometimes I find myself wishing there was a parenting philosophy out there that I completely identified with. I know I am not alone in this, but for some reason, I love to label myself. I always want to know exactly where I fit, who I am like, and whose advice is going to most closely meld with my own way of thinking. There is a sense of comfort in knowing where you belong, in having others out there to identify with. It is natural to want to fit in with some group or another.

Everyone has different ones I'm sure, but for me, "attachment parenting" and "crunchy mama" are two examples of labels I have found myself wishing I could identify with more from time to time.

Let me pause and just define my understanding of those "labels."  Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that is gaining a lot of popularity. The three main components as far as I can tell are breastfeeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping, and the main idea is that keeping your baby close to you helps you respond quickly and easily to your baby's needs. And as for being "crunchy," I think the idea is being natural, environmentally friendly, simple and down-to-earth in your lifestyle choices.

I feel like these identities are almost seen as status symbols sometimes - I know I am tempted to see them that way. I find myself thinking that I should cloth diaper or garden or wear my baby in a carrier, but secretly, on the inside, I don't want to do any of those things. I tried gardening and it was hard to stick with. I do want to be an attachment parent. I want to live a natural, simple life. I want to do what is healthiest for my family. But when I listen to the hard core attachment parents or crunchy mothers out there, I always feel like I don't quite belong. And yet I know I'm not "mainstream," right?

I continually need to remind myself of several things. I need to remind myself that -

The Reverse To-Do List

Time goes so fast! It feels like it was just the other day that my now almost 7-month-old was a tiny, squishy newborn!

November 2013

April 2014

What happened?

Oh, those first three months... wow, were they crazy. I remember everyone would try to tell me, "It will get better" and I would push for specifics. "How will it get better?" "When will she sleep for 3 hours straight? For 4 hours straight? Through the night?" "Will I ever get anything else besides feeding and changing a baby done again?" "When did you start cooking again?" Whew!