Discontent Despite the Blessings?

Today is one of those days where I've been feeling overwhelmed. I have found myself spending much of my time today wishing for things - anything from thinking back over past experiences and wishing they had been better to worrying about things far in the future. 

If I were asked to describe my life right now, I would have wonderful things to say about it.

Ugly Thoughts to Joyful Thanks

I am a very blessed person. I have been given a wonderful husband, daughter, family, and plans for the future. I love my life these days. I love my family of three. I can't wait for Jonathan's vicarage this upcoming year. God has been very generous in his gifts to me and my family.

But I must confess something. I want to be honest, to be transparent, and to give a faithful portrayal of my story and my experiences with infertility. That was what this blog was started to be about. I know that many readers who have also been there read this blog, and I want you to know that if you can relate to this then you are not alone. What I am about to admit may be a little too honest or a little too ugly, but I am a sinner, and I am human, and this is real.

A Simple Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day, and it was simple and perfect. Simply perfect.

Someone had breakfast in bed... but it wasn't me. I started my Sunday snuggling and feeding my baby girl in bed, and after getting ready for church, I even had about ten minutes to eat breakfast. For a Sunday morning, that was quite a treat! In the afternoon we went to the mall and I ran some errands and treated myself and Jonathan to one slice of Cheesecake Factory Godiva chocolate cheesecake. It was delicious.

Six Months of Joy

A week from tomorrow my baby girl turns 6 months old. Jonathan and I looked down at her feet the other day and were shocked by how big they were! I remember when she was born, if there was a fluff between her toes I couldn't do anything about it, because even my pinky finger couldn't fit between her tiny toes. But now I can easily clean out the fluffs. That may be a weird way to notice that your baby is growing up, but it really struck me when I realized that. She's going to be half a year old! It's not fair. She's growing into a child and out of a baby!

Now, at 6 months old, she is definitely still a baby. Which I remind myself when she chooses not to sleep through the night. But I am so afraid that she is going to grow up and leave and I will be baby-less! I simultaneously love watching her grow and hit milestones and dread it. It is just happening too fast! I need time to process. And time to cuddle. And time to enjoy her babyhood. But time goes as fast as it ever did, and she is going to keep growing. And I guess that's a good thing! 

These past six months have been tricky. The first few weeks and months with a newborn were very challenging, and although it has gotten easier and better, parenting is hard! It's hard work. It's long hours. It's late nights. But I have never been happier. Because through the challenges, there is the joy. Every day.