Sleeping Well Without Sleep Training

When you have your first baby nothing will have prepared you for the havoc that baby will wreak on your sleep. People talk all the time about how little sleep parents of newborns get. People say silly things like, "Sleep extra now while you can" or "Store up lots of sleep before the baby gets here." If you are expecting a baby, you will be warned many times about the sleep deprivation in your future, but you won't be prepared. Nothing can really prepare you for not sleeping, and nothing can really fix the fact that you will go through those first few months with hardly any sleep to fall back on.

Of course, it does get better. But  while I'm guessing that no other phase is quite like the first couple months, parenthood in general is not a time of carefree, plentiful sleep.

Almost four months ago I wrote this post: Sleep Training - Yes or No? Four months ago I had a sweet little baby who was capable of sleeping for 7 hours at a time, (or going 7 hours without nursing), but could not put herself to sleep at all. Every single time she woke up during the night she cried, and either my husband or I would have to get up and help lull her back to sleep. Then when she did fall back asleep, about 90% of the time, if you set her down in her crib she would wake up and continue to cry.

It was hard. We talked about sleep training daily, but we didn't want to do it. Like I discussed in my post, it didn't feel right for us and it didn't feel right for her. We ended up coming up with a somewhat awkward co-sleeping arrangement involving the couch, my husband and I not sleeping in the same bed for a while, and our daughter essentially being held all night long while she slept. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't get her to sleep in her crib.

The "Easy Phase"... Parents of Newborns, It Does Exist

"It gets better."

I heard that so much those first few months of caring for a newborn. I hoped that it would be true. At one point I think my mother told me that January was the month when it would start to get better (Baby Girl turned 3 months old in January). Somewhere along the line I latched onto that promise. There were some nights when I felt like I hadn't slept at all where I would sit there holding my baby counting down the weeks until January. Those first few months are so overwhelming. You feel like you can't get anything done. You feel like your baby will never sleep on her own. You feel like every minute of your baby's life they need your attention.

Those first few months are also so incredibly special, even though they are hard. If you are lucky, you don't have to work for much of that time, and you do get to spend so much of your day holding your baby. Having a baby changes everything about your life, how you view your family, how you view the world. It is truly a blessing and an amazing experience. By no means would I give up those first few months, no matter how hard they were! But that doesn't mean they were any easier just because they were also wonderful.

Sleep Training - Yes or No?

Our little girl is almost five months old, and we still haven't done any kind of sleep training. Despite the fact that we probably spend more time talking about how to get our daughter to sleep than we do discussing any other topic, neither of us has been able to come up with or find a sleep plan that we feel comfortable with.

I refuse to let my little girl "cry it out." I just won't do it. She looks and sounds terrified when she wakes up alone in her crib, and there is no way I am going to leave her there scared and lonely when one of us could pick her up and comfort her. And her dad is an even bigger softy than I am. He usually has her out of the crib already by the time I fully wake up at night and realize she's crying.

Also, I enjoy nursing her to sleep. It's cuddly. It's bonding time. She isn't going to be a baby forever. I have to get in all the cuddles I can!

But it isn't easy. When she wakes up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, one of us always has to get up with her. She doesn't need to eat at night any more. She regularly goes 7 or 8 hours at night without eating, but she is still waking up regularly. She went for almost a month back in January where she slept very well in her crib, but no more!