Bright, Colorful, Wonderful Messes

It happened today. I always secretly hoped that it wouldn't be me, that somehow I would end up being the one wife and mother that always succeeded in having a clean home without baskets of unfolded laundry sitting out and plastic toys covering the floor in every room. I really do try. I have a basket in the living room where all the baby toys go when they're not being used... hypothetically. Generally speaking, it isn't too bad around here.

Today I thought I was having a particularly good day home with my baby girl. She had played nicely by herself for little half hour segments of time here and there that had allowed me to do some work for my work-from-home job. We had taken a morning walk together despite the crushing humidity of a St. Louis summer day so I felt like I had exercised. We ate the same thing for lunch - Cheerios and yogurt - which just makes me realize how fast my baby is growing up. She took a decent afternoon nap, again I was able to get a thing or two done, though somehow not as much as I felt I "needed" to do. Then about a half hour before my husband got home from work I pulled out the cookbook and actually made dinner. I was able to utter the phrase, "Dinner is in the oven" when he came home, which always makes me feel like a huge success.

A Stay-at-Home Mom with a College Degree

I didn't go to college so I could get a job. I didn't go to college because everyone goes to college. I didn't go to college because my ultimate dream was to work in my field of study. I went to college because I wanted to. I went to college because there were things I wanted to learn. There were classes I wanted to take, people to meet, things to experience, and an opportunity to learn really important and interesting things about the world and how it works.

How is this relevant? Well, today I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I would like to be a stay-at-home mom for a while. I know that I want to homeschool my daughter and any future children we are blessed with. So in the immediate future I don't plan to "use" my college degree in a traditional job-related sense. It might be tempting to think of my college education as a "waste," but I don't see it that way.

Little Moments

It's the little moments that mean the most. Those short, quick, every-day moments when everything is beautiful and perfect. Sometimes I try to plan a perfect, beautiful family day, complete with a picnic in the park, a trip to the zoo, or some other special outing. And those can be great. But so often it's the moments that are unplanned that stick with me the most and remind me of how blessed I am to have the little family that I have.

I remember our first apartment and our first two years of marriage living in Wisconsin. It was a charming little town and we loved getting out and exploring it, but the most precious memories are sitting at our little table in our "dining room spot" with the sun streaming through the window, eating french toast, drinking coffee and just talking for hours.


I remember one or two nice dates we went on during those two years in Wisconsin, but my favorite memories are of us sitting on our living room floor eating freezer pizza and watching episode after episode of 24 or Battlestar Galactica together, just the two of us.

Do You Ever Wish You Were a More "Attached" or "Crunchier" Parent?

Sometimes I find myself wishing there was a parenting philosophy out there that I completely identified with. I know I am not alone in this, but for some reason, I love to label myself. I always want to know exactly where I fit, who I am like, and whose advice is going to most closely meld with my own way of thinking. There is a sense of comfort in knowing where you belong, in having others out there to identify with. It is natural to want to fit in with some group or another.

Everyone has different ones I'm sure, but for me, "attachment parenting" and "crunchy mama" are two examples of labels I have found myself wishing I could identify with more from time to time.

Let me pause and just define my understanding of those "labels."  Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that is gaining a lot of popularity. The three main components as far as I can tell are breastfeeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping, and the main idea is that keeping your baby close to you helps you respond quickly and easily to your baby's needs. And as for being "crunchy," I think the idea is being natural, environmentally friendly, simple and down-to-earth in your lifestyle choices.

I feel like these identities are almost seen as status symbols sometimes - I know I am tempted to see them that way. I find myself thinking that I should cloth diaper or garden or wear my baby in a carrier, but secretly, on the inside, I don't want to do any of those things. I tried gardening and it was hard to stick with. I do want to be an attachment parent. I want to live a natural, simple life. I want to do what is healthiest for my family. But when I listen to the hard core attachment parents or crunchy mothers out there, I always feel like I don't quite belong. And yet I know I'm not "mainstream," right?

I continually need to remind myself of several things. I need to remind myself that -

Dads Are Not Second-String Parents (Or, How Great My Husband Is)

There seems to be an idea in society, (and I think mothers perpetuate it without meaning to sometimes), that moms are the first-string parent and dads are the back-up. I guess maybe it comes from the fact that moms are more likely to be the stay-at-home parent than dads are, although that isn't always the case. Or maybe it comes from the way dads are portrayed in sit coms and pop culture, as blundering fellows who have no clue what's going on. Or perhaps it just comes from the fact that moms and wives make mistakes, are sinful, and sometimes sit around and complain to each other about the inadequacies of their husbands. I don't know exactly where the negativity about fathers came from, but I'd like to stand up against it. In my life at least, it's just not true. 

Yes, I happen to be better at doing laundry than my husband. I am a better cook. I notice when things are messy and have a compulsive urge to clean them (this instant!) that he doesn't seem to posess. I like doing research, I interviewed the pediatrician, I figured out when to start our daughter on solids, and other decisions like that. But since when does any of that have anything to do with real, hands-on parenting? Okay, I also breastfeed. He can't do that. Fair enough. And my daughter does prefer me in the moments right after she hits her head on something. But other than that, my husband is an awesome dad.