How Not To Talk About Kids Online

A few nights ago as I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed, another one caught my eye. Another meme/picture post describing some specific method for disciplining children. It may have been a chore chart, a way to handle grounded kids, or some other list of rules. Those things aren't bad things in and of themselves. Parents like to talk about their kids and parents like to share parenting ideas and resources. That's probably okay. But seeing that post brought to mind for me all the posts I've seen by parents about disciplining kids. From statements about "sparing the rod and spoiling the child" to more specific complaints about people's own children, I see way more information on Facebook about disciplining kids than I ever want to.

This post sparked a passionate conversation between my husband and I about why we will choose not to discuss our children's discipline on Facebook (or indeed in any public place, on the internet or otherwise). Here are a few of the reasons we discussed:

1. It Airs Dirty Laundry - Talking about discipline quickly becomes talking negatively about other people, and more specifically, it becomes talking negatively about members of your family. Even if the post is somewhat generic in nature, if you're a parent, readers may instantly make the connection that you're talking about your kids. Not only is it not nice to talk negatively about your family members, it reflects poorly on you as a parent. Everyone has to discipline their kids; that isn't the part that reflects poorly. It's the talking about it behind their backs that reflects poorly. Just because they're "never going to see the post" doesn't make it okay. It actually makes it worse. 
2. Facebook is multi-generational, and it's awkward. When I read posts about grounding kids or spanking kids or other discipline methods from members of my parent's generation, I feel really awkward. They're probably thinking of or referring to my friends or peers growing up, and I don't want to hear about how you disciplined my friends. That's just awkward. Plus, it makes me feel like those posting do not have respect for my generation. Granted, sometimes I see these types of posts from people my age, but it is still awkward. 
3. Facebook is a public place! I wish people would realize this! If I went to a shopping mall and stood in the center with 200 people within earshot, climbed up on a pedestal and shouted at the top of my lungs, that would be less public than posting a Facebook status. Replace the 200 strangers with 300-400 people, all of whom I have met or know in some way, and now have about 30% of them look at me and listen to what I'm saying. Then I shout. That's more like what a Facebook status is. Plus, if it's extra interesting or shocking, those 30% of people who paid attention might take it and share it with others, and who knows how many people will see it! Nothing is more public than your Facebook statuses. If you wouldn't yell to the world about your kids discipline problems, don't post about them on Facebook. 
4. It hurts your children's reputation. If you are posting specific statuses referencing your children in any negative light, that directly impacts their reputation. And even if you aren't friends with them and think they will never find out, all that is required in many cases is one person who is a mutual friend to comment or like your post, and it could show up in their newsfeed. If your children are too young to enter the world of social media, they won't be too young forever. At some point they will get online, and they very well may find that post. And even if that never happens, you don't really want your friends and family to have a negative impression of your kids (whom I know you love dearly).  
5. It is dehumanizing. This is the biggest problem I have with negative posts about kids, whether it is a personal status or a generic post about "the trouble with kids these days" or "discipline tactics." Children are people. They are not commodities.  God has not given us children so that we can figure out the easiest way to conform them to our wills, our standards, or our chore schedules. He gave us children so that we could teach them about him and guide them as they grow into the individuals that he created them to be. They are their own people, and they deserve your respect. Even though they are your kids, and you have the responsibility of parenting and disciplining them, they still deserve respect and to be spoken of kindly. 

I realize that this post may seem very negative. A lot of "don't do this" talk, and let's face it, I've only been a parent for about six months. Longer if you count pregnancy, but still, not that long. I know I've already made mistakes, but I also know that the hard part, the disciplining and the raising part, is still in front of me. I don't know the challenges I will face, the vents I may feel like having, or the struggles of raising a teenager. But kids are people, and I do have some experience with people. I have made mistakes, treated people I knew and loved with disrespect, sometimes somewhat publicly. It happens. I know I'm not perfect. But there is nothing that fills me with more regret than speaking unkindly about someone I love.

I sincerely hope that my children grow up never overhearing their parents speaking negatively about them to someone else. And if I slip up and fall into that trap, I hope I am able to catch myself and apologize for it. 

We should speak kindly to and about everyone we know, but of all the people we have relationships with, our children are the most vulnerable. They are the least able to defend themselves, and the most hurt by our unkind words. And of all the people we know, our children are the most in need of our praise and verbal affirmation, espeically in public. Children are such a gift! Being a parent is a most wonderful opportunity to bless another individual in a lasting and deeply significant way. I don't want to limit or squander that beautiful opportunity for the sake of a rant or a funny Facebook post or status.