Do You Ever Wish You Were a More "Attached" or "Crunchier" Parent?

Sometimes I find myself wishing there was a parenting philosophy out there that I completely identified with. I know I am not alone in this, but for some reason, I love to label myself. I always want to know exactly where I fit, who I am like, and whose advice is going to most closely meld with my own way of thinking. There is a sense of comfort in knowing where you belong, in having others out there to identify with. It is natural to want to fit in with some group or another.

Everyone has different ones I'm sure, but for me, "attachment parenting" and "crunchy mama" are two examples of labels I have found myself wishing I could identify with more from time to time.

Let me pause and just define my understanding of those "labels."  Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that is gaining a lot of popularity. The three main components as far as I can tell are breastfeeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping, and the main idea is that keeping your baby close to you helps you respond quickly and easily to your baby's needs. And as for being "crunchy," I think the idea is being natural, environmentally friendly, simple and down-to-earth in your lifestyle choices.

I feel like these identities are almost seen as status symbols sometimes - I know I am tempted to see them that way. I find myself thinking that I should cloth diaper or garden or wear my baby in a carrier, but secretly, on the inside, I don't want to do any of those things. I tried gardening and it was hard to stick with. I do want to be an attachment parent. I want to live a natural, simple life. I want to do what is healthiest for my family. But when I listen to the hard core attachment parents or crunchy mothers out there, I always feel like I don't quite belong. And yet I know I'm not "mainstream," right?

I continually need to remind myself of several things. I need to remind myself that -

• I won't always be the mom I want to be, and that's okay. My identity is in Christ and what he has done for me, and the most important thing is raising healthy, loving, considerate children who find their identity in Christ as well. 
• My insecurities are my own. I am the one judging myself. In most cases, other moms are not looking at my decisions and passing judgments. And when other moms make different decisions, that doesn't mean they think I'm a bad parent. I certainly don't think that they're a bad parent. Every set of circumstances are different.
• There is no magical set of right decisions that guarantee 100% happy, healthy, perfect kids that will grow into successful, mature, perfect adults. Children are people, and people are flawed. Children are a gift from God, and we only have them with us for a time. We do what we can for them, but ultimately, they are in God's hands. 

I love hearing why other mamas choose to do things the ways that they do, because it reminds me that everyone is different, that labels are superficial, and that ultimately all mothers want many of the same things for their children. There may be a vast array of differences when it comes to parenting decisions and styles, but the end goals of most parents are very similar. So to illustrate that point, I want to share an inside look into a few of the many everyday decisions I've made and why I've made them. The goal in doing this is to show that you can be an "attachment parent" without doing all the things in the "attachment parent" list (exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, etc.) and you can be somewhat "crunchy" without going all the way. 

Breastfeeding

I did exclusively breastfeed until we introduced solids at 5 months, 1 week. I planned to "EBF" until 6 months, but my daughter was ready at 5 and I knew it. And she has done great with solids without it hurting our breastfeeding relationship in the least. I plan to breastfeed until by daughter self-weans, but I also can't see that far into the future, and circumstances may change. 

Baby-Wearing

I wrote a post where I mentioned that I have struggled with baby-wearing. I love the concept, borrowed a Moby from a friend, and tried it out several times with a couple different carriers when my daughter was around 1 or 2 months old. Even as a 9lb baby, wearing her for a half hour or more gave me back pain for the rest of the day. I have some back issues involving a spinal fusion surgery in my past, and for me, it just isn't realistic to wear my baby. I try to compensate by holding her all the time on the couch and cuddling her through many of her naps. (Or maybe I just like the excuse to not get things done... I admit the amount of time I spend cuddling my daughter is at least as much for me as it is for her.)

Co-Sleeping

Co-sleeping was something I never planned to do, but after several issues with getting our little girl to sleep, we have fallen into some co-sleeping habbits. Safety is a top priority for us, so we are very careful. I don't think we would co-sleep if we could get our daughter to use her crib, but I'm very reluctant to sleep-train, so this is what we get. 

Baby Food

I have done a very lazy, laid back version of making my own baby food so far. If I am cooking something like a squash or sweet potato, for example, I will just bake a little extra, run the extra through my regular, not fancy, food processor, and freeze it in ice cube trays. Then I use the cubes and thin them out with water, applesauce, or whatever else when I am ready to feed them to her. This has worked well for me for two reasons. (1) I am lazy, and don't want to thin out and fully "make" the baby food before freezing, and (2) as she grows up, I can always thin out and adjust the frozen food to whatever consistency is appropriate at the time. 

People have also given us a lot of jarred baby food, so I have used that very gladly. I am extremely frugal, so I would never turn down free food, providing it was healthy. So yes, I make baby food by hand. And yes, I also give her store-bought food. But no, I'm not going to buy it myself, becasue it doesn't happen to fit in our buget. 

Diapering

I use disposable diapers. I have thought a lot about using cloth, but I decided against it for a few reasons. At our current apartment, the washer and dryer are in a basement that has outside access. That means that I would have to leave my apartment, go outside, down scary concrete stairs (that I could not carry both my baby and a basket of laundry down safely) to do laundry. I just didn't want to do that much extra laundry with this setup. I could see myself cloth diapering in the future, but only to save money. No part of me wants to do the laundry, and I actually love disposables. We haven't struggled much at all with leaks or blow-outs, and I have found an off-brand that works very well for us.

Birthing Environment

I chose a hospital birth, but went completely natural and drug free becasue I felt it was in my best interest and the baby's. I don't regret any bit of it. I chose my hospital very intentionally becasue they support natural birth well, and my nurse was absolutely wonderful. Giving birth is not easy, but I'm very happy with the choices I made. I know I love reading birth stories. You can read mine here if you like. 

Vaccinating

I did research on this subject, and for now, we are following the vaccine schedule. I am very sympathetic to the fact that vaccines are a contentious topic, and wrote a post about it here. I think down the line there may be one or two vaccines that we will skip, but for now I'm researching each one as they come and that has lead me to believe that sticking to the schedule is the right call for the present. 

I could go on, but as you can see, most of my decisions are made based on very personal situations, and not on a belief that one way or another is the "right one." Yes, I plan to homeschool. Yes, I plan to stay at home. Yes, I feel like an attachment parent. But technically, I can't find a label that applies to me. While sometimes that makes me feel lonely, I think that it helps me to realize that very few of my fellow mothers out there fall into any tidy categories either. We're all just trying to make good choices for our children, and those choices are very hard to make! 

The choices that really matter in parenting, as in life, have very little to do with whether or not we "wear" our babies, whether or not we make our own baby food, what type of diapers we use, or anything else. The way we act and the values we pass on to our children are what really matter. I have to continually remind myself that while thinking about these smaller decisions is important, it is not even close to the most significant aspect of parenting. I want to be a good example and role model for my children. Therefore, the only labels I should want to have are "follower of Christ," "supportive wife," "loving mother," and the like. All the rest is just the details.