Little Moments

It's the little moments that mean the most. Those short, quick, every-day moments when everything is beautiful and perfect. Sometimes I try to plan a perfect, beautiful family day, complete with a picnic in the park, a trip to the zoo, or some other special outing. And those can be great. But so often it's the moments that are unplanned that stick with me the most and remind me of how blessed I am to have the little family that I have.

I remember our first apartment and our first two years of marriage living in Wisconsin. It was a charming little town and we loved getting out and exploring it, but the most precious memories are sitting at our little table in our "dining room spot" with the sun streaming through the window, eating french toast, drinking coffee and just talking for hours.


I remember one or two nice dates we went on during those two years in Wisconsin, but my favorite memories are of us sitting on our living room floor eating freezer pizza and watching episode after episode of 24 or Battlestar Galactica together, just the two of us.



Pregnancy felt like it lasted forever when it was happening, but looking back, I feel like I can just barely remember what it felt like. The funny thing is I don't really remember what it felt like to be sick in the mornings. I remember that happened, but I don't remember the feeling. I don't remember trouble sleeping or discomforts.  I know those things happened, but it seems so fuzzy already. I do remember sitting on the couch, waiting expectantly to feel those little kicks that always came in the evening.

I remember pushing my daughter's foot out of my rib cage over and over and over again every day. I remember how awkward that felt, what were apparently little toes always poking at me and persistently coming back after I pushed them away. Now I would give anything to relive that feeling. It all went by so fast.


Parenting is the same way. Those little moments... holding a newborn baby in the hospital just minutes after she is born... that one chance you have to carry your baby into your apartment for the first time... the first little smiles... the first time your baby is playing, looks up at you, and offers you her toy... those little moments take my breath away.

You wait for those moments for what feels like forever. you picture them in your mind over and over again. And then they happen, and they don't take any longer than any other moment. They happen, and then they're over.

I wish I could capture those feelings, save them and hold onto them forever.

I used to journal religiously. From the age of 10 until just a few years ago I wrote in my journal at least a couple times a week, and I only missed a couple months here or there the whole time. I have a box of journals in my basement right now. They are very precious to me, but as much as I tried so hard to hold on to every special memory, they all slip away and fade with time.

I don't want to live in fear, always trying to force time to stand still, taking so many pictures that all I remember of my daughter's babyhood is taking pictures of it or wishing it would slow down.

I do want to take pictures. I want to take notes. I want to write down how those moments feel. But mostly, I just want to savor them. Lean in, pay attention, be present, and really enjoy every second with my family. Because it goes by so fast, and the next thing I know, it will be over and we will be on to the next thing.


And I am sure that the next thing will be worth savoring as well.