When Did I Become an Attachment Parent?

Isn't she adorable? Isn't she precious? Of course she is! Sure, sometimes my little lady is exhausting. Sometimes she makes some significant messes. Sometimes I just want to hand her to my husband and have a few minutes to just sit. But even during these times, part of me always wants to be near her.

Six months in to this parenting adventure, I realize that I have inadvertently become somewhat of an attachment parent. I did not go into parenthood intending to parent the way I do, but I also did not mean to avoid it. I was open to doing what seemed natural and right, and doing the best I could to take care of my daughter. I read some books, spent a lot of time on the internet, and thought about how I wanted to do things during pregnancy, but I refused to jump 100% into any parenting "method" because I know that I am a unique individual, as is my child, and no other person's method will work in every instance for us.

About a week ago was Call Day at the seminary. In the evening after the assignment service, Jonathan and I went to the chapel to meet with the District President for the district of our church body where he will be serving his vicarage (internship) year. We left our little girl without either of us there for the first time since Valentine's Day, and for only the second time ever in her life. She was with her grandparents, she was fine, and I was not worried about her. But I missed her! I missed her so much. We were away for maybe an hour and a half, and for that entire time, I was thinking about her, wondering what she was doing, how she was feeling, if she was eating, and all I wanted to do was hold her.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? She's six months old. She's with her grandparents. She is 100% fine, and I know that. But still, I miss her! 

On those afternoons when I go to work, I have the comfort of knowing that Baby Girl is with her daddy, and that is great. But I still think about her all the time. I don't worry, but I just want to be near her. I just want to know what she is doing. 

Jonathan and I do go on dates. We get out and spend time together, but we discovered that we actually relax more and have a better time if we just take our daughter with us. We put her in the stroller and go for a walk, either around the neighborhood, around the mall, or wherever, and when she falls asleep we sit down next to the stroller with our coffee or our treat and have a nice date during her nap. For us, this is much more relaxing than leaving her with a sitter. Plus, we enjoy her, and like having her around! She is super funny and adorable, and provides free date night entertainment! 

I do believe that everyone needs "me time" sometimes, and every couple needs "date night" time. But just like every other area of life, everyone is different, and everyone has different amounts of "me time" or "date time" that they need. And these things look different for everyone. 

Sometimes I feel weird or guilty about the fact that I dread being away from my daughter, or the fact that I feel anxiety when she isn't with either my husband or me. Sometimes I feel weird about the fact that it feels like other women are more independent from their kids than I am. But you know what? I'm me. I'm my own person, and I have my own relationship with my daughter and my husband. It's okay to feel weird when you're separated from your baby. That's natural. Babies are meant to be with people. There is a reason they are anxious and scared when they're alone. And usually that person is a parent. And frequently that parent is a mother. I suspect that it is just as natural for me to long to be near my baby as it is for my baby to want to be with me. 

I don't parent this way because I think other parenting methods are wrong. I don't do it because I read a book that convinced me that parenting had to be done this way. I don't do it because I have to. I do it because it feels like the right thing to do in my day-to-day decisions. I don't do it because I decided to "attachment parent." I just found myself making those everyday decisions as they came. So here I am, six months in, and I'm attached. I'm hooked! I want to stay at home, to spend every day with my little girl, even when it is exhausting or boring. Parenting is wonderful. I hope that I continue to remember to thank God every day for my little blessing. 

(I realize "attachment parenting" is a phrase that was developed by Dr. Sears and is closely defined by him. I do not do everything that Dr. Sears recommends, and I haven't even read his book. I am using the term "attachment parenting" in a somewhat looser sense than he uses it.)