Scoliosis Story - Part 3: Feeling Loved

Part 1 - Unanswered Prayers
Part 2 - Surgery and Recovery

I thought I wouldn't want to remember anything about my experience with scoliosis or my surgery, but today when I think back on that time, I always remember it fondly. I never expected that would be the case, but 10 years later I am incredibly grateful for this particular experience.


I do remember that I was in pain, I do remember being embarrassed, I remember not being able to do things I wanted to do. But I don't remember how any of that felt. I don't ever re-live those negative aspects. What I do remember was the way everyone in my life at the time cared for me. What I do remember makes me feel so very loved.

Scoliosis Story - Part 2: Surgery and Recovery

Part 1: Unanswered Prayers 

I was probably not a pleasant person to be around in the weeks and days leading up to surgery. I did my best to pretend it wasn't happening, but I also got sulky about it, if I remember correctly. I regularly kept a journal throughout my teenage years, but I intentionally didn't journal around the time of my surgery. I remember thinking, "This won't be something I want to remember." I don't remember all the details of that day, but I would not want to have been my parents. They were obviously making me do something I didn't want to do, and while they knew it was the right thing, I know it was hard for them too.

Scoliosis Story - Part 1: Unanswered Prayers

I think I was 13 years old when I first found out that I would have to have surgery on my back. I had scoliosis, a serious case of it, and while we had discussed bracing and other options with a doctor, it sounded like surgery was going to be inevitable.

When you are a teenager the prospect of major surgery sounds like a disaster. It's scary, it's confusing, and you worry that you won't be able to be "normal" (which is, of course, the most important thing to be in high school). I was a dancer too, so any interruption to my dance training felt like it would be a complete disaster. All my friends that I took classes with would be ahead of me... I would have to take six months off from dancing after the surgery, and then it would take me six more months to work up to where I had been... I would be a whole year behind! I was a teenager... I had limited perspective, and I was very competitive. I thought this would be the end of my world.

The Other Side of Pregnancy Announcements

One of the most emotional aspects of being on the other side of infertility is knowing how to deal with pregnancy and birth announcements as both a proud mother and as someone who has been in the shoes of those who would give everything to be making similar announcements. Every time I post a baby picture, part of me cringes and hopes and prays that no one will cry or mourn when they see it. When I announced my first pregnancy I did so while publicly letting people know that we had struggled to get pregnant and that this baby was a wonderful miracle and blessing. I didn't want anyone to be hurt, but at the same time, I knew that hurt was inevitable.

An Unexpected Blessing

God really is in control and he really does know what he is doing. When will I stop being surprised by this fact?

We received the most unexpected and pleasant surprise about six weeks ago. Our daughter turned one in October, and we knew we were ready to try to have a second-born. After the long and hard journey we went through the first time, this time we went into things with a more relaxed mindset. We knew that the chances were good that we would not be able to just "have another one," and we were prepared for disappointment. We intended to try, but we were thinking ahead to trying the medication route again, and we also had peace knowing that if we didn't conceive this time we would be happy to pursue adoption in the future.

I didn't want to go back to the place I was in emotionally when we were trying the first time. I wanted to put my trust actively in God, to give it over to him and his timing, and to be content with whatever happened. Even though that was my goal, I knew that it would not be easy. Trusting God is something I am constantly working on, and I don't think it's something any of us can master in this sinful life. But I knew that God had given me the most perfect and wonderful daughter in a way that I didn't expect and in timing that was his and not mine, so I wanted to trust him to continue to grow my family in his own way and time.