Birth Story Part 2: New Baby Boy

For the first part of my son's story, see Birth Story Part 1: Unexpected Challenges.

Thursday, July 16th

We were scheduled for induction at noon, but as is typical the hospital was busy and we weren't able to get in until 3:30. We dropped our sweet daughter off at Nana's house and headed to the hospital. The most stressful part of the whole experience for me was being away from her for so long. We had never both left her overnight before and we haven't done it since. Doing so is a big deal for us - we don't have our kids babysat very often at all! So needless to say, I really was hoping this whole process would go quickly to minimize time away from her.

We didn't get things started until about 5:30 or 6, because the intake process just takes a while and then they had to do a non-stress test and quick ultrasound to make sure everything was still looking good and Baby was still head-down.

Birth Story Part 1: Unexpected Challenges

My son was born in July, and I am just now getting around to sharing his birth story. It wasn't what I had planned or what I wanted. His birth went well, he was healthy and I was healthy, but it still took me a while to come to terms with what happened in those crazy few weeks surrounding his birth.

I know I love a good birth story. There's nothing more magical than the moment a new little person enters the world and you get to meet him or her for the first time. But this little man's birth story starts a few weeks before the actual birth.

The pregnancy had been textbook, smooth, and even easier than my first pregnancy (except of course for the toddler I was wrangling and carrying everywhere). Our little man was due mid August, right after we were set to move out of our vicarage house. We had a great plan in place to have the baby while staying with my parents and then move back to St. Louis Labor Day weekend for our last year of seminary.

Things didn't go as planned...

The Church's One Foundation

If you know me well, you may know that I don't like to repeat, say, or sing things if I don't know what they mean. When I was little my mom sometimes would ask me to deliver a message to my dad for her. She would tell me exactly what to say, and I would ask her a bunch of questions trying to figure out what she meant, then I would go find my dad and tell him what I thought she wanted to say in my own words. It drove her crazy. But I just didn't like to say things unless I understood them. And I still don't.

I'm not a very sentimental person. I like things to have purpose and meaning. I never started singing my children lullabies because I was never sure exactly what the words were about, or what the point of singing them was. As adults we all know from experience that songs we have heard hundreds of times stay with us - stuck in our heads forever for better or worse. Before my daughter was born I remember thinking about what I would sing to her. I never really sang before having kids, and I didn't know many lullabies anyway, so I knew I would have to learn some songs. I figured if I was going to start singing to my babies, I should sing something that would benefit them to have in their minds.

My Favorite Time of Day

Funny, isn't it, how even though we love our children more than we can describe, even though we think they're so sweet, funny, clever and delightful, even though we look at them with such awe and wonder as they grow bigger and smarter each day, despite all that... Sometimes "nap time" is still our favorite time of day.

Maybe I don't speak for you, but that's where I am right now. I have a beautiful and smart little girl who is one of my all-time favorite people to be around and I have a cuddly, sweet baby boy who is so sweet and laid back and is starting to smile and interact with me more and more. They are my favorites and I love spending each day with them, but the peace and quiet of nap time is the time of day that I live for. Sometimes I just need an hour to myself.

Embracing Uncertainty

There is so much we can't know or anticipate about the future. We can always make plans, and as a planner, I always do. We can create lists, family goals for how many children we hope to have, financial goals for how much money we hope to make or save or spend on a house, career goals for what we want to do and where we want to live... Plans for how we will raise and educate our children. Plans for what parenting mistakes we will be sure never to make. Plans for where and how our next birth experience will go... The list goes on forever. We all like to plan, and we all like to feel control and autonomy over our future. But the more we plan, the more opportunities we have to learn about what happens when life doesn't go according to our plans.

Boy or Girl? Why We Love Finding Out

"I don't know how people wait to find out. I could never do that!"

"We wanted the birth to be extra special, and I wouldn't change the excitement of that moment in the delivery room for anything!"

"We wanted to be prepared, to paint the nursery and buy the right clothes."

"We didn't want to only get pink or blue gifts, and you never really know until the baby is born anyway. "

"There are so few real surprises left in life!"

"The surprise is the same whether it happens four months earlier or not!"

I think the reasons why some parents wait to find out and some parents want to know as soon as possible are really interesting. This is one area of parenting where I really think there is no right or wrong way to do it. From the reasons people give why they found out or didn't find out I am convinced that most of the time the underlying reason is the same.

Raising Children Without Clutter

I have always been drawn to big, open, clean and simply decorated spaces. I have a strong dislike for knick knacks. If something hasn't been used in a few months I start to daydream about getting rid of it. I don't want to own any kitchen gadgets that have only one special, rare use. I like basics, things that I can use regularly and that can be used for everyday tasks.

Although we have been married for almost five years now, I haven't gotten to really decorate a home yet. We have moved three times already and will move two more times in the next year and a half. That combined with renting means that I live wherever I am placed happily without painting a single wall or buying any new furniture. Our interior design style is currently, "eclectic free stuff that still functions" and we are happy with that for now. So while I don't know what color palette I prefer to decorate in or what furniture style is "me", I do know that my signature design preference is "less is more."

Loving simplicity and open clean spaces typically doesn't mesh well with having kids. Anyone who has children knows that they come with a lot of stuff. And not pretty stuff. Bright, primary colored, loud, plastic, many-tiny-pieces toys, endless stacks of board books, and lots of other useful and necessary essentials like diapers, lotions, soaps, blankets, sippy cups, bibs, and the like. It just goes on and on!

The Gift of Pregnancy

In about five months our family will change in a big way. We will go from a family of three to a family of four. My baby girl will be a big sister, no longer the baby or only child of the family. We will have two precious children to love, care for, get to know, and enjoy. 

Of course, we really are already a family of four, even if most of the changes will come later. Pregnancy is such an interesting time. There  is so much anticipation, so much waiting, so many questions, so many possibilities. I tell my daughter about the baby in my tummy, but I don't think she understands quite yet. I talk to my husband about all the symptoms I have, or if I feel the baby moving, or the puzzle over what to wear in that awkward stage between your regular clothes and maternity clothes. He listens and is genuinely interested and supportive, but so far I am the one experiencing most aspects of this pregnancy.

Treasuring the Child Instead of the Childhood

If you've had young children then you know what it is like to feel invisible. You've been in the grocery store when a stranger comes up to your baby or toddler and strikes up a conversation with them, completely ignoring you. After a few moments they look up awkwardly, see you there  and either politely smile and walk away or ask how old your child is, because they need something to say...

Through the Eyes of a Toddler

Dedicated to my own sweet toddler

When I was a baby I got everything I wanted. When I was hungry I cried, and my mother took me and fed me. When I was tired I cried my little tired cry, and someone who loved me would cuddle me to sleep. When I was feeling uncomfortable I cried, and one of my parents would give me a fresh diaper. And then I would feel hungry again, and all I had to do was ask.

Scoliosis Story - Part 3: Feeling Loved

Part 1 - Unanswered Prayers
Part 2 - Surgery and Recovery

I thought I wouldn't want to remember anything about my experience with scoliosis or my surgery, but today when I think back on that time, I always remember it fondly. I never expected that would be the case, but 10 years later I am incredibly grateful for this particular experience.


I do remember that I was in pain, I do remember being embarrassed, I remember not being able to do things I wanted to do. But I don't remember how any of that felt. I don't ever re-live those negative aspects. What I do remember was the way everyone in my life at the time cared for me. What I do remember makes me feel so very loved.

Scoliosis Story - Part 2: Surgery and Recovery

Part 1: Unanswered Prayers 

I was probably not a pleasant person to be around in the weeks and days leading up to surgery. I did my best to pretend it wasn't happening, but I also got sulky about it, if I remember correctly. I regularly kept a journal throughout my teenage years, but I intentionally didn't journal around the time of my surgery. I remember thinking, "This won't be something I want to remember." I don't remember all the details of that day, but I would not want to have been my parents. They were obviously making me do something I didn't want to do, and while they knew it was the right thing, I know it was hard for them too.

Scoliosis Story - Part 1: Unanswered Prayers

I think I was 13 years old when I first found out that I would have to have surgery on my back. I had scoliosis, a serious case of it, and while we had discussed bracing and other options with a doctor, it sounded like surgery was going to be inevitable.

When you are a teenager the prospect of major surgery sounds like a disaster. It's scary, it's confusing, and you worry that you won't be able to be "normal" (which is, of course, the most important thing to be in high school). I was a dancer too, so any interruption to my dance training felt like it would be a complete disaster. All my friends that I took classes with would be ahead of me... I would have to take six months off from dancing after the surgery, and then it would take me six more months to work up to where I had been... I would be a whole year behind! I was a teenager... I had limited perspective, and I was very competitive. I thought this would be the end of my world.

The Other Side of Pregnancy Announcements

One of the most emotional aspects of being on the other side of infertility is knowing how to deal with pregnancy and birth announcements as both a proud mother and as someone who has been in the shoes of those who would give everything to be making similar announcements. Every time I post a baby picture, part of me cringes and hopes and prays that no one will cry or mourn when they see it. When I announced my first pregnancy I did so while publicly letting people know that we had struggled to get pregnant and that this baby was a wonderful miracle and blessing. I didn't want anyone to be hurt, but at the same time, I knew that hurt was inevitable.

An Unexpected Blessing

God really is in control and he really does know what he is doing. When will I stop being surprised by this fact?

We received the most unexpected and pleasant surprise about six weeks ago. Our daughter turned one in October, and we knew we were ready to try to have a second-born. After the long and hard journey we went through the first time, this time we went into things with a more relaxed mindset. We knew that the chances were good that we would not be able to just "have another one," and we were prepared for disappointment. We intended to try, but we were thinking ahead to trying the medication route again, and we also had peace knowing that if we didn't conceive this time we would be happy to pursue adoption in the future.

I didn't want to go back to the place I was in emotionally when we were trying the first time. I wanted to put my trust actively in God, to give it over to him and his timing, and to be content with whatever happened. Even though that was my goal, I knew that it would not be easy. Trusting God is something I am constantly working on, and I don't think it's something any of us can master in this sinful life. But I knew that God had given me the most perfect and wonderful daughter in a way that I didn't expect and in timing that was his and not mine, so I wanted to trust him to continue to grow my family in his own way and time.