Making Time for Family Dinner

Everyone is so busy these days. Families busy with balancing work schedules, kids with sports and other extra-curricular activities, church nights, play dates... there is always something between us and that elusive "family time." I don't think anything is more precious to me these days than family time with my husband and daughter. I love spending time with each of them individually, and as a stay-at-home-mom I spend lots of time with my little girl, but there's something absolutely priceless about all three of us doing something together. I love seeing the way the two people I love the most show their love for each other.

It can be so difficult in our busy culture to make time for family. Unfortunately, even though it is the most important thing to many of us, it is the first thing to get cut from the schedule to make room for other seemingly more urgent things. Today I was reminded how few young people are growing up in homes where they eat dinner with their families on a regular basis. Family meal time was something that made a strong impression on me as a child and something that I plan to fiercely defend and prioritize now as a parent.

Babies, Prayers, and Sunday Mornings

A couple weeks ago I looked at my daughter as we sat down for dinner and had an idea. She had been imitating a lot of things we did recently, intentionally trying to do what we were doing and be like Mommy and Daddy. So I looked at her and said, "Sweetie, can you fold your hands like this? Let's fold our hands and pray" and I folded my hands so she could see. Jonathan caught on right away and made a big exaggerated hand folding gesture too. We both sat there and watched her with our hands folded. She looked back and forth between the two of us for a few minutes and then she smiled really big and folded her hands too! We praised her, then bowed our heads and said the before-dinner prayer.

Now she has the routine down. She even bows her head, and when we say "amen" she applauds and smiles. It melts my heart! It makes me think she could have learned this even earlier. Several times she has even folded her hands and looked at me when I put her in her high chair, reminding me that it is time to pray. She is barely 1, and already, she can learn about Jesus!

Fall Projects - Baby's First Birthday Cake

I may be a stay-at-home mom, but that does not mean that I love to cook. There is a reason I don't blog about food. I certainly can cook, and sometimes I do enjoy it. But while some people cook or bake because they love cooking or baking, I cook and bake because I love eating.

So I make my own food because I want it to be healthy, I want to know exactly what's in it, and because homemade food just tastes better than non-homemade food. I don't live to be in the kitchen. I avoid it whenever possible. But if I decide that I need cookies, pie, or a nice, healthy meal, I make it myself from scratch, just because that's what I want to eat.

As my daughter's first birthday approached, I started thinking about her smash cake. I honestly don't know what I think about the custom of doing a smash cake. It seems odd to celebrate a kid making a mess and overdosing on sugar just because they're turning one. But at the same time, I understand the desire to do something special for your little one, and sweet food is definitely special when you're a baby and your mother has never given you more than one or two bites of dessert! So I decided to just go with the tradition and do something special for my little one-year-old.

Fall Projects - Daddy Vader and Baby Leia

One of the reasons I have been blogging less often these past few weeks has been that I have been busy with several fall projects. From apple picking and making pies, to throwing first birthday parties, to working on costumes for our Halloween-related celebrations, there has been a lot going on! I don't have a passion for sewing, baking, or making costumes, but I think I do these things anyway simply because I like to be in control. I like to do things the fast way sometimes, and I am usually more concerned with relaxing and having fun with my family than pulling off the perfect costume or making flawless cakes and pies. I don't typically blog about crafts and projects, but I thought I would make an exception this fall and share some of the things I have been working on. It's not going to be Pinterest-perfect, but it is going to be "real" (and hopefully fun)!

So for the first post in a short series of fall projects posts, here is a peak into the costumes I made for my family this year.

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Dressing up as Star Wars characters for our church's Trunk or Treat this fall was my husband's idea. He wanted to be Darth Vader, and then when the idea of dressing our daughter up as Princess Leia occurred to us we thought that would be the most adorable thing ever! 

An iconic father-daughter pair! But then the challenge started. I don't buy Halloween costumes, in part because I usually don't like the way they're made and feel, but in a much larger part because I'm cheap and I don't want to pay for something we're only going to use once. I confess I allowed myself to stress unnecessarily over these costumes, and with the busy week or two we had before the event, I ended up doing my sewing late at night, which is not the best time for me to work! 

One Year Later - 6 Ways Having a Baby Changed My Life

A few days ago we celebrated my daughter's first birthday. I cannot believe the way this little girl has changed my life. She is so sweet, so smart, so beautiful. It is an honor and privilege to be her parent.

I look back over the past year, and it has flown by. There have been hard times, many sleepless nights, and so much to do! But the thing that stands out for me is the joy. The smiles, the cuddles, the laughter and delight watching my little girl learn, grow, and do new clever and funny things every day.

Being a parent really does change your life. In some ways (okay, a lot of ways) it makes things more challenging, but it also brings blessings, both expected and unexpected. All those things I have read and heard (think, those listicle Huffington Post articles) about how being a parent changes everything and makes your life harder have elements of truth in them, but they are not the whole picture.

I thought about some of the ways that having a baby changed my life, and here is what I have to say about a few big ones I hear parents mention a lot.

Setting Aside the Need for Perfection

Last week my daughter and I visited an apple orchard with a some friends. It was a beautiful day, we picked a bushel of apples, picnicked, chatted, and had a great time. Before we left I picked up some apple cider and fresh donuts to take home to Jonathan. When I got home my daughter was asleep in the back of the van. I didn't want to wake her, so I asked Jonathan to come out and sit in the car with me. There in the driveway we enjoyed some cider and donuts together. 

The cider was perfect - fresh, Michigan, unpasteurized, delicious. If you have never had cider straight from an orchard, you do not know what cider is. The donuts had been taken out of the oven just an hour earlier and complimented the cider perfectly. We sat there in the car with the cool air, the sunshine, and the colorful fall leaves all around us. It was a beautiful moment.  

It wasn't picture perfect... we were in the car. The diaper bag was in between us, open with things spilling out of it. Our lunch items and picnic blanket from the outing were laying around, and we shared my travel cup to drink the cider out of. It was a lovely moment together, but it certainly didn't look "Pinterest-worthy."

4 Reasons Not to Worry about Your Child's Future Spouse

Raising a little one, I think about her future a lot. Today she is just a little girl, working on the skills of standing, walking, and learning words. Before I know it, these years will be gone and she will be a young woman, an adult, working on learning a profession, balancing her own budget, and maybe dating and marrying a young man.

So often I hear parents, grandparents, and other concerned adults expressing concern over the future of our children. Fellow Christians seem to be the most concerned group, but everyone has these worries. How will they find "good spouses," or "good Christian spouses" when the world is such a bad place and "good" men or women are so hard to find? Well, I know for sure my daughter will never come across a "perfect man" because there aren't any. (Except Jesus, that is, and she already knows Him.) I do, however, believe that she will be just fine. After all, the world has been a "bad place" ever since the fall. I found a great husband, my parents found each other, my grandparents found each other, other family members have found wonderful spouses so far. Even if the world isn't getting better, it isn't getting worse either.

I'm not worried about my daughter finding a good, kind, Christ-following husband at all. Of all the things that I worry about, that isn't one of them. I understand that the world is a bad place. I know that there will be plenty of poor choices out there when she is ready to get married some day. But I believe that if she does marry, she will marry a good man. Here are a few of the reasons why I'm not worried:

Of Course My Baby Has Personality!

We were getting our pictures taken for a new church directory. I dressed the three of us in coordinating-but-not-matchy-matchy outfits, and we walked over to the church. My sweet daughter smiled and was friendly to the lady checking us in, and we had a pleasant chat while waiting for the photographer. Then we sat for our pictures, and of course, Little Girl gives the photographer a blank stare, mouth partially open as if to say, "What are you doing?" in all of the pictures. He tried to get her to laugh or smile, but she just looked more confused. We never got a picture with three people smiling. Oh well, no harm done. I wasn't planning on ordering any anyway, and she is adorable no matter what face she's making. 

As we prepared to leave the session the photographer commented, "Don't worry. She'll develop a personality eventually." I'm sure you can imagine my motherly indignation at that comment! 

A Tale of Four Octobers

October 2011

This is my last semester of real college classes. Next semester I student teach. I am focusing on senior seminar, classes, and helping my husband fill out seminary applications. And yet, although only a few people know this, all I can think about is having a baby. Each month the disappointment feels just a little stronger. Each month I spend part of that day that dashes all my hopes in tears.

We have been trying for almost six months now. It wasn't in the original plan to have a baby so soon, but the more we talk about it as a couple, the more convicted we are that using birth control is not right for us and is not trusting God with our future. And then somehow "not preventing" turned into "trying" and now we're approaching the six month mark and I'm beginning to worry.

Some of my friends and acquaintances who got married when we did are pregnant now. Most of them weren't even trying, which stings a little. We're young, and this is supposed to be easy. I've read the statistics that say that 80% of women my age get pregnant within the first six months of trying. 7-10% deal with infertility. The numbers are starting to look concerning as we hit that six month mark this month, but my husband isn't worried yet. I am determined to follow his lead and stay positive. It's going to happen any month now.

Discontent Despite the Blessings?

Today is one of those days where I've been feeling overwhelmed. I have found myself spending much of my time today wishing for things - anything from thinking back over past experiences and wishing they had been better to worrying about things far in the future. 

If I were asked to describe my life right now, I would have wonderful things to say about it.

Can We Really "Do It All"?

Where did all those summer days go? In some ways each day was just like the one before and the one after, and yet but each one was so special. How can it be that my little girl has been moving around, exploring, and playing on her own for over four months now? How can it be that the whole summer went by, all those walks, the sunshine, the easy afternoons cuddling my daughter and nursing her to sleep, then after nap time waiting expectantly for "Daddy" to get home, then dinner together, then a quiet evening or perhaps another walk or outing... The whole summer went by like that, and now here we are - it is fall, and we are just a month away from a first birthday party.

What was I doing with all of those days?

I look at my beautiful daughter these days, and I am in awe of how smart she is, how well she understands me, how much she loves life. She is such a happy, energetic little girl, and I wish I could see the world through her eyes. I spend so much of my day with her, and yet looking back, I wonder how many of those summer days with her slipped by me while I worked on getting things done in spite of her.

How Do You Discipline a Baby?

I sense that I am entering a whole new realm of parenting. This past week or so it is like a switch has gone off with our little lady. She strikes me each day as being so much more grown up! She understands so much of what I say, knows what she is and is not supposed to do to a large extent, problem solves and plays with her toys so intelligently... Watching her go through her day I keep getting the feeling that my baby is less and less of a baby and more of a... child? Toddler? Kid? While she still has plenty of "baby" moments, I feel like the word no longer accurately describes her.

Back in June I wrote about the easy phase - the early days of increasing independence but she was still not crawling. She was keeping to a routine but still hadn't learned about her boundaries. She was easy. Simple to parent. All she needed was love, food, cuddles, sleep, diaper changes... 

As I said, a switch has gone off. All of a sudden I feel the need for discipline. She is starting to test her limits. She knows what things she is not allowed to play with, and intentionally seeks them out when she knows I cannot see her. Sometimes she drops food off the side of her high chair just to get attention. She knows that I don't want her to do that, and I know she knows, because if I look at her and say, "Sweetie, don't drop your cup please. We don't drop our cups," she will usually pull it back up onto her tray. She knows that "We don't stand up in the bathtub" and that "We don't chew on cords." Sometimes she does what she knows she should, and sometimes she doesn't. And I know that this is just the beginning. 

My Experience with Breastfeeding in Public

When I first brought my baby girl home from the hospital, like most new moms, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't go out and breastfeed on-the-go for at least a couple weeks, mostly because I didn't know how to do it. Between the tiny baby, the awkward cover-up blankets, and the fact that I was still working out the kinks of breastfeeding to begin with, it just felt daunting. Add to that the worry that those around me might feel awkward, stare, or react in some way I could't predict to me feeding my baby, and I just wanted to stay home. Eventually I ventured out with my baby and my little blankets to cover up with, and as time went on I got more and more comfortable. These days I breastfeed pretty much whenever or wherever I want to, sometimes I ditch the blanket, and I feel pretty secure in almost any setting.

Breastfeeding in public... just throw the phrase out there in a room of parents and everyone will have an opinion. If I am honest people on both polar sides of the issue strike a nerve with me. On one hand there are those who would rather a mother remove herself from just about any social situation before she discretely nurse her child while out and about. On the other hand there are the mothers who seem to imply from their loud cries for equality and fairness that all "truly liberated and self-confident" women should feel comfortable just sitting down and nursing, cover or no cover, in any setting regardless of who else is there or what is going on! I find myself (as always) somewhere in the middle of the issue, but unclear as to exactly what I think at times. This post is just a few of my thoughts and experiences on breastfeeding in public.

I was raised with a strong sense of modesty when it comes to dress and appearance, but I also believe in doing what is best for my kid no matter what those around me think. So sometimes I choose to be discreet because it makes me feel more comfortable, but sometimes I just do what is best for my baby and feed her wherever and whenever she expresses hunger. There are of course situations that have come up that have made me feel uncomfortable. Some of the more uncomfortable moments have included:

Don't Over-Think It: 7 Breastfeeding Tips for New Moms

One blessing of parenting so far for us has been the ease with which both my daughter and I have been able to breastfeed. Knowing that breastfeeding is a challenge for many women and babies, I feel so fortunate and thankful that it came naturally for us. I love the breastfeeding relationship I have with my daughter, the ease, simplicity, and affordability with which I can feed her, and the knowledge that what has turned into the simplest way to feed her is also providing great nutrition and health benefits. From a practical standpoint, breastfeeding can't be beat for our family. And from a personal standpoint, I love spending that time with my baby every day. As she gets older and is on the go much of the time, I appreciate that breastfeeding gives me an excuse to hold her and bond with her. I can see how easy it would be for those moments to slide away if I didn't have that built in cuddle time every day.

Before my daughter was born I worried non-stop that I would not be able to breastfeed. I heard so many stories about women who had difficulty producing milk or whose babies struggled to breastfeed properly. I spent a lot of time worrying about the what-ifs. But I was very fortunate that when the time came, I ran into no remarkable struggles. Looking back, I wish I had heard more positive stories that reassured me that for most women, breastfeeding comes naturally and works well. After breastfeeding for 10 months now, I thought I would share some encouraging and positive tips with new moms and mothers-to-be.

When Are You Having Baby #2?

"Are you planning to have another baby soon?"

"Well... " I  search frantically to find the words. The question was well meaning enough. It was even relevant to the conversation, not just someone impertinently asking about my personal family plans. I wanted to answer, but as I searched for the words I had no idea how to respond. I didn't want to launch into my life story, so my response probably came out somewhat hesitantly: "We don't have any plans... that would be nice... we'll see."

The Sweet Side of Separation Anxiety

"Mama, Mamama... Mamaaa..." my little 10-month-old calls for me as she crawls around our new, bigger home, searching to see where I wandered off to this time. I come out to find her and see her on all fours, pattering around the kitchen (clearly where she thinks I usually am) looking for me. She sees me, her face lights up, she aims for me, and her crawling speed doubles as she heads towards me with everything she has. She gets to me, grabs my jeans, and pulls up to standing using my legs for support. Smiling up at me she continues to say, "Mamama! Mama!" until I pick her up. How adorable! Irresistible, right?

I do love it - the knowledge that my daughter finds my presence comforting and reassuring. She has always been such an independent and curious little girl that I have never thought of her as being clingy or a "Mama's girl." But her 10-month-birthday comes after almost a month of transitions: weeks spent packing our home into boxes and storing all our furniture, a two-day road trip, two weeks in our hometown visiting family and friends, and then moving into a new house that is much bigger than our old apartment. Our new home also means that she is in her own room for the first time ever (even though when she wakes up at night she is welcomed into our bed). It is a lot of change for her! And now I read that 10 months is the typical time for babies to experience separation anxiety.

So who can blame her for always needing to know where her parents are, or clinging to us hoping that we won't wander off again? It is only natural. Who can blame her for crying when we put her in her car seat? Sometimes the ride is short, but sometimes it is hours long, and how can she know the difference? Who can blame her for clinging to what is familiar, what she knows, or what she feels safe with? I understand - she needs me. She needs us. She needs familiarity, security, and comfort. And I feel blessed to be able to give her that.

Now if I am being honest, I do not always react positively to my daughter's clinginess. She grabs my legs as described above constantly, she would rather be held than anything else, she pulls at my lips and plays with my hair and digs her little baby nails into my skin as she tries to use me as a baby jungle gym. When my husband comes home for lunch or at the end of the day, sometimes I tell him that all I want is 20 minutes of time where nobody touches me. All I want is a few consecutive moments of personal space.

A Realistic Look at Natural Childbirth

I wrote my birth story just days after our daughter was born. It is raw and fresh, written with a just-been-through-this perspective. Ten months later, I have had some more time to think about and evaluate my experiences, and this post is some of my thoughts on natural childbirth, what I have learned, and what I may do differently next time.

The day I gave birth to my daughter was the best day of my life, to date. I know that the first part of that day - the labor part - was the hardest several hours of my life, but what came after, even just in the few hours immediately following, completely eclipsed the bad and makes that day stand out in my mind and heart.

Even though I remember the day of my daughter's arrival so fondly, looking back I know that it didn't go exactly as I would have liked. There are things I would do differently now, even though I did manage to technically hit all the big goals I had. I was able to labor naturally all the way, spent time on a birthing ball and in the shower, and was able to hold my little girl instantly when she was born and breastfeed within a half hour or less. She was in my arms for the first hour of her life before she was even weighed or bathed, and that time is one of my most cherished memories.

But not everything was perfect. It hurt so much more than I was prepared for. It took forever. I was sent home from the hospital while laboring because I was not progressing fast enough and I refused Pitocin. (I clearly did not need the Pitocin, as my daughter was born naturally 15 hours after it was offered.) I had some coping mechanisms planned, but not enough. Everything went smoothly, but it was extremely painful, uncomfortable, and stressful.

Before giving birth I somehow found myself immersed in the natural childbirth culture. I love the idea of natural childbirth, I value an intervention-free approach, I do not think birth should be treated as a medical emergency, and I think that women should be educated and empowered to birth in the way the feel will be safest and healthiest for their babies and for themselves. But here's the thing - having a baby is very, very painful! It's the worst! My daughter was born at 5:36am, and the five hours before she was born were the worst hours of my life, even though they were followed by the best hours of my life and I have very few regrets. But I think I was expecting something more... bearable? Manageable? Empowering?

4 Truths after 4 Years of Marriage

My husband and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary this week. I thank God every day for my husband and the wonderful marriage we have enjoyed. I feel like when you are newlyweds, society forbids you from giving marriage advice. After all, you're still in the "honeymoon phase" and life hasn't "gotten real" yet. Well, I certainly know what they mean when they refer to the "honeymoon phase." When we got married we were idealistic, didn't believe that we would ever fight, and thought our relationship was "easy."

I have waited patiently to be far enough along in marriage to be "allowed" to give marriage advice, and I'm not sure if four years gives me that right or not. But in the past four years my husband and I have moved three times, both had surgery, dealt with infertility, gone through pregnancy and birth, made it through the "newborn phase" of our firstborn, and parented for almost ten months. So I am finally ready to share a couple words of marriage advice, some things I've learned over the past four years. But honestly, if you had asked me about these things four years ago, I would probably have said the same thing.

1. Be idealistic. 

Engaged couples and newlyweds are notoriously idealistic, and most marriage counselors and well-meaning friends take it upon themselves to dash all their misconceptions by telling them that "it won't always be easy." "Sometimes you'll hate each other." "Marriage is hard work, but worth it." and other similar sentiments. I say, let newlyweds be idealistic! Self-fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, so put it to use for you!

When I'm Hard to Live With {Transparent Tuesday}

Today I'm joining Mel at Our Growing Roots for Transparent Tuesday, a link-up where we can take the opportunity to cast aside the filters we use to depict our lives as always being perfect. My family is in the midst of moving this week, and I think the chaos and stress that goes on during a move is a great example of life's imperfections. So here it is - a transparent, honest look at what moving week is like in our family.

I encourage you to follow this button back to Mel's blog and check out the other posts for the week!

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Just two days from now we will be on the road, moving from our seminary apartment back to Michigan, our home state. We are excited for the next year, thrilled to have the opportunity to live near family and friends, and we cannot wait to meet our new vicarage congregation. There is so much to look forward to, but at the same time, the weeks surrounding a big move can be very stressful and bring out the worst in us.

Shortly after we found out where we would be spending the next year I wrote a post about why I love moving. I do love moving... theoretically, and I don't take back what I wrote in that post, but practically, being in the midst of moving week is much messier than that. I love moving because it gives me the opportunity to simplify my life, to give in to my organized, labeling, obsessive self, and to get rid of things that I don't want or use. But sometimes it feels like moving just creates chaos, messes, stress, and tension in the home.

Parenting at 60 Decisions Per Minute

I have never been good at making decisions. I always agonize over any set of options. From the seemingly easy choices like which ice cream flavor I should go with to the harder things like trying to decide how to spend vacation time or how many hours a week to commit to working, decision making has always caused me stress. Anyone who has shopped with me in Vera Bradley knows this - I will go into the store knowing exactly what I want and be there for an hour trying to decide if that's what I really want to do.

People who are decisive make me envious. I have no idea what it would feel like to just know what I wanted to do all the time and do it without having to deliberate, discuss, sleep on it, and repeat.

I have made a discovery over the past year that will probably come as a surprise to no one - parenting is all about making decisions. All day long, all the time. As my daughter gets older, I find myself making more decisions and having to make them faster. It can be overwhelming!

There's the obvious, big decisions. Vaccines? What to feed her? Sleep training or co-sleeping or both? Very soon we'll be making decisions about disciplining methods, and eventually schooling, and it goes on and on. At least with those decisions you see them coming. You plan them in advance, do research, have conversations, pray about it, and then continually review and revise your decision as time goes on. Those decisions are hard, but they don't take you too much by surprise.

4 Quick Thoughts on Baby Milestones

I was working, sitting on my couch, while my daughter who had just started crawling a week ago played in the living room. I looked up from my computer and there she was, standing up while holding onto our coffee table! "Little Girl! Look at you!" I cried, and reached for my camera to snap a quick picture. She had pulled up to get to the remote control, and was chewing on it, but that didn't seem very important in the moment. I had to remind myself that I should probably take that away from her. But I was so proud!

Naturally when my daughter hits a big milestone I feel this compulsive need to brag about it to everyone I come into contact with. After all, she is so very clever for learning how to crawl, or pull up, or clap or say "Mama"! But there's also this tug at my heart that makes me think, "This is all going so fast! Just a year ago I was pregnant and expectantly looking forward to cuddling my baby girl, and now she's standing up over there and exploring her world and it's almost gone!" I try to resist the urge to long for the past and instead choose to be excited for all she is learning and going to do in the next year and beyond, but time sure does fly! Milestones bring such a wave of emotions, don't they?

Baby milestones are always a popular topic among parents, especially moms of little ones. It makes for good conversation and it offers up opportunities for us all to brag about our kids. But sometimes it can feel like a competition. And sometimes it seems to cause anxiety when our babies don't do certain things when we think they should.

Ugly Thoughts to Joyful Thanks

I am a very blessed person. I have been given a wonderful husband, daughter, family, and plans for the future. I love my life these days. I love my family of three. I can't wait for Jonathan's vicarage this upcoming year. God has been very generous in his gifts to me and my family.

But I must confess something. I want to be honest, to be transparent, and to give a faithful portrayal of my story and my experiences with infertility. That was what this blog was started to be about. I know that many readers who have also been there read this blog, and I want you to know that if you can relate to this then you are not alone. What I am about to admit may be a little too honest or a little too ugly, but I am a sinner, and I am human, and this is real.

Faith and Family Series - Jonathan's Family

After a couple Mondays off, I would like to return to the Faith and Family series for a special edition post! I have always wanted to feature my husband as a guest-poster and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so. As the spiritual head of our family, what he has to say on this topic is very important to me, and I am excited to be able to introduce my husband, Jonathan, first-hand to my readers.

Also, today is his birthday, so what more fitting way to say "happy birthday" than to give him the floor and let him share about our family?

Pregnancy, Adoption, Our Plans, and God's Plans

Two years ago Jonathan and I were preparing to move to a new city where I would start a new job and he would start at a new school. We had just graduated from college and were in a time of transition. Two years ago we were also staring infertility in the face. We had been trying to conceive for over a year and had absolutely nothing to show for it except a lot of stress, tears, and confusion. I was turning 22 years old, and while others my age either had starting a family on the far horizon or were already having children, I was in crisis realizing that my own plans and expectations were not going to be met. I felt so lonely; no one I knew was facing this, and I thought that no one understood what I was going through.

Sleeping Well Without Sleep Training

When you have your first baby nothing will have prepared you for the havoc that baby will wreak on your sleep. People talk all the time about how little sleep parents of newborns get. People say silly things like, "Sleep extra now while you can" or "Store up lots of sleep before the baby gets here." If you are expecting a baby, you will be warned many times about the sleep deprivation in your future, but you won't be prepared. Nothing can really prepare you for not sleeping, and nothing can really fix the fact that you will go through those first few months with hardly any sleep to fall back on.

Of course, it does get better. But  while I'm guessing that no other phase is quite like the first couple months, parenthood in general is not a time of carefree, plentiful sleep.

Almost four months ago I wrote this post: Sleep Training - Yes or No? Four months ago I had a sweet little baby who was capable of sleeping for 7 hours at a time, (or going 7 hours without nursing), but could not put herself to sleep at all. Every single time she woke up during the night she cried, and either my husband or I would have to get up and help lull her back to sleep. Then when she did fall back asleep, about 90% of the time, if you set her down in her crib she would wake up and continue to cry.

It was hard. We talked about sleep training daily, but we didn't want to do it. Like I discussed in my post, it didn't feel right for us and it didn't feel right for her. We ended up coming up with a somewhat awkward co-sleeping arrangement involving the couch, my husband and I not sleeping in the same bed for a while, and our daughter essentially being held all night long while she slept. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't get her to sleep in her crib.

When We Regret Our Words

I am not a perfect person.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all say things we regret from time to time, or sometimes more often than that. And yet, I find myself almost always more willing to accept that other people aren't perfect than that I am not perfect. My own failings bother me so much more than the same failings would bother me in someone else.

My entire life, I have been a very talkative person. I talk a lot, I say a lot of things, and I all too often say exactly what I'm thinking with minimal filtering. And unfortunately, what I'm thinking is not always nice. Sometimes what feels even worse is saying only a part of what I'm thinking in the most blunt way, only to realize later that I may have hurt someone I care about's feelings or been misunderstood in a way that I do not intend to be.

For some reason, it is very hard for me to let go of moments where I wish I had said something differently or not said anything at all. There are still conversations I had with friends in 3rd grade that I remember word-for-word, because I hurt someone's feelings and I regretted it.

Faith and Family Series - Jennifer's Family

For my third post in the Faith and Family series I would like to introduce you to Jennifer. Jennifer was my next-door-neighbor for the past year, and it was such a joy get to know her and her beautiful family. Her kids are funny and sweet, and I had many fascinating conversations with them outside our apartment building over the past year. I am very grateful to Jennifer for taking the time to do this, even while she was in the middle of a big move and transition for her family.

Let's go to the questions!

The "Easy Phase"... Parents of Newborns, It Does Exist

"It gets better."

I heard that so much those first few months of caring for a newborn. I hoped that it would be true. At one point I think my mother told me that January was the month when it would start to get better (Baby Girl turned 3 months old in January). Somewhere along the line I latched onto that promise. There were some nights when I felt like I hadn't slept at all where I would sit there holding my baby counting down the weeks until January. Those first few months are so overwhelming. You feel like you can't get anything done. You feel like your baby will never sleep on her own. You feel like every minute of your baby's life they need your attention.

Those first few months are also so incredibly special, even though they are hard. If you are lucky, you don't have to work for much of that time, and you do get to spend so much of your day holding your baby. Having a baby changes everything about your life, how you view your family, how you view the world. It is truly a blessing and an amazing experience. By no means would I give up those first few months, no matter how hard they were! But that doesn't mean they were any easier just because they were also wonderful.

Faith and Family Series - Kimberly's Family

My second post in the Faith and Family series features my cousin, Kim. She lives with her husband and kids in Texas, and although I don't see her often, I love keeping up with her beautiful family on Facebook. Her passion for her faith and her kids is contagious, as I'm sure you will be able to tell!

Let's jump into the questions!

Todd, Mark, Kate and Richard - A Story of Four Cars

On Tuesday evening we did something very exciting, something we'd been talking about doing for months now - we bought a minivan! He is a 2005 silver Dodge Grand Caravan and his name is Richard. (Yes, we are the type of people who name our cars.) When I look back over the past and think about my husband's and my experience with owning cars, all I can think about is how incredibly blessed we are and how God always provides in wonderful ways.

Between the two of us, we haven't had to buy a car since Jonathan bought his first clunker back in high school before we started dating. His first car was a 1994 Chevy Cavalier named Todd. There are so many funny stories about Todd, but really, the value in that car wasn't the vehicle, but the experiences. Jonathan spent so many days working on the car with his friends and we have so many funny stories and precious memories of learning experiences related to his first adventure and lesson in exactly how not to purchase a car. So many jokes made at that poor car's expense. So many good laughs. 

Faith and Family Series - Melissande's Family

For the first post in my Faith and Family series, I am excited to introduce my friend Melissande. She has a beautiful family with four great kids and blogs at Growing Roots. I love reading her posts - they are always beautifully written, positive and insightful, and I'm very excited to have her participate in this series!

I asked a series of questions about how Melissande and her husband, Greg, integrate their faith into their family life. I really enjoyed hearing what she had to say!

Faith and Family Guest Interview Series

 "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." ~ Deuteronomy 6:6-7

When you sit at home, when you're out and about, before bed, in the morning... all the time. This is how often we are to talk and think about God and his Word. Wow! That's a tall order, and one that I know I can constantly improve upon.

The context of Deuteronomy 6 is that God is giving the Law to his people, the Israelites. He is instructing them that the Law is good, that it is valuable, and that it is something that they are to pass down to their children and their children's children. As Christians living every day in the light of the resurrection, we are blessed to be able to share those truths with our children. As a parent, I want more than anything for my daughter to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and have the Holy Spirit working faith in her heart. As Paul says, 

"For faith comes by hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." ~ Romans 10:17

Bright, Colorful, Wonderful Messes

It happened today. I always secretly hoped that it wouldn't be me, that somehow I would end up being the one wife and mother that always succeeded in having a clean home without baskets of unfolded laundry sitting out and plastic toys covering the floor in every room. I really do try. I have a basket in the living room where all the baby toys go when they're not being used... hypothetically. Generally speaking, it isn't too bad around here.

Today I thought I was having a particularly good day home with my baby girl. She had played nicely by herself for little half hour segments of time here and there that had allowed me to do some work for my work-from-home job. We had taken a morning walk together despite the crushing humidity of a St. Louis summer day so I felt like I had exercised. We ate the same thing for lunch - Cheerios and yogurt - which just makes me realize how fast my baby is growing up. She took a decent afternoon nap, again I was able to get a thing or two done, though somehow not as much as I felt I "needed" to do. Then about a half hour before my husband got home from work I pulled out the cookbook and actually made dinner. I was able to utter the phrase, "Dinner is in the oven" when he came home, which always makes me feel like a huge success.

A Stay-at-Home Mom with a College Degree

I didn't go to college so I could get a job. I didn't go to college because everyone goes to college. I didn't go to college because my ultimate dream was to work in my field of study. I went to college because I wanted to. I went to college because there were things I wanted to learn. There were classes I wanted to take, people to meet, things to experience, and an opportunity to learn really important and interesting things about the world and how it works.

How is this relevant? Well, today I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I would like to be a stay-at-home mom for a while. I know that I want to homeschool my daughter and any future children we are blessed with. So in the immediate future I don't plan to "use" my college degree in a traditional job-related sense. It might be tempting to think of my college education as a "waste," but I don't see it that way.

Little Moments

It's the little moments that mean the most. Those short, quick, every-day moments when everything is beautiful and perfect. Sometimes I try to plan a perfect, beautiful family day, complete with a picnic in the park, a trip to the zoo, or some other special outing. And those can be great. But so often it's the moments that are unplanned that stick with me the most and remind me of how blessed I am to have the little family that I have.

I remember our first apartment and our first two years of marriage living in Wisconsin. It was a charming little town and we loved getting out and exploring it, but the most precious memories are sitting at our little table in our "dining room spot" with the sun streaming through the window, eating french toast, drinking coffee and just talking for hours.


I remember one or two nice dates we went on during those two years in Wisconsin, but my favorite memories are of us sitting on our living room floor eating freezer pizza and watching episode after episode of 24 or Battlestar Galactica together, just the two of us.

Do You Ever Wish You Were a More "Attached" or "Crunchier" Parent?

Sometimes I find myself wishing there was a parenting philosophy out there that I completely identified with. I know I am not alone in this, but for some reason, I love to label myself. I always want to know exactly where I fit, who I am like, and whose advice is going to most closely meld with my own way of thinking. There is a sense of comfort in knowing where you belong, in having others out there to identify with. It is natural to want to fit in with some group or another.

Everyone has different ones I'm sure, but for me, "attachment parenting" and "crunchy mama" are two examples of labels I have found myself wishing I could identify with more from time to time.

Let me pause and just define my understanding of those "labels."  Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that is gaining a lot of popularity. The three main components as far as I can tell are breastfeeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping, and the main idea is that keeping your baby close to you helps you respond quickly and easily to your baby's needs. And as for being "crunchy," I think the idea is being natural, environmentally friendly, simple and down-to-earth in your lifestyle choices.

I feel like these identities are almost seen as status symbols sometimes - I know I am tempted to see them that way. I find myself thinking that I should cloth diaper or garden or wear my baby in a carrier, but secretly, on the inside, I don't want to do any of those things. I tried gardening and it was hard to stick with. I do want to be an attachment parent. I want to live a natural, simple life. I want to do what is healthiest for my family. But when I listen to the hard core attachment parents or crunchy mothers out there, I always feel like I don't quite belong. And yet I know I'm not "mainstream," right?

I continually need to remind myself of several things. I need to remind myself that -

Dads Are Not Second-String Parents (Or, How Great My Husband Is)

There seems to be an idea in society, (and I think mothers perpetuate it without meaning to sometimes), that moms are the first-string parent and dads are the back-up. I guess maybe it comes from the fact that moms are more likely to be the stay-at-home parent than dads are, although that isn't always the case. Or maybe it comes from the way dads are portrayed in sit coms and pop culture, as blundering fellows who have no clue what's going on. Or perhaps it just comes from the fact that moms and wives make mistakes, are sinful, and sometimes sit around and complain to each other about the inadequacies of their husbands. I don't know exactly where the negativity about fathers came from, but I'd like to stand up against it. In my life at least, it's just not true. 

Yes, I happen to be better at doing laundry than my husband. I am a better cook. I notice when things are messy and have a compulsive urge to clean them (this instant!) that he doesn't seem to posess. I like doing research, I interviewed the pediatrician, I figured out when to start our daughter on solids, and other decisions like that. But since when does any of that have anything to do with real, hands-on parenting? Okay, I also breastfeed. He can't do that. Fair enough. And my daughter does prefer me in the moments right after she hits her head on something. But other than that, my husband is an awesome dad. 

The Reverse To-Do List

Time goes so fast! It feels like it was just the other day that my now almost 7-month-old was a tiny, squishy newborn!

November 2013

April 2014

What happened?

Oh, those first three months... wow, were they crazy. I remember everyone would try to tell me, "It will get better" and I would push for specifics. "How will it get better?" "When will she sleep for 3 hours straight? For 4 hours straight? Through the night?" "Will I ever get anything else besides feeding and changing a baby done again?" "When did you start cooking again?" Whew!

A Simple Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day, and it was simple and perfect. Simply perfect.

Someone had breakfast in bed... but it wasn't me. I started my Sunday snuggling and feeding my baby girl in bed, and after getting ready for church, I even had about ten minutes to eat breakfast. For a Sunday morning, that was quite a treat! In the afternoon we went to the mall and I ran some errands and treated myself and Jonathan to one slice of Cheesecake Factory Godiva chocolate cheesecake. It was delicious.

When Did I Become an Attachment Parent?

Isn't she adorable? Isn't she precious? Of course she is! Sure, sometimes my little lady is exhausting. Sometimes she makes some significant messes. Sometimes I just want to hand her to my husband and have a few minutes to just sit. But even during these times, part of me always wants to be near her.

How Not To Talk About Kids Online

A few nights ago as I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed, another one caught my eye. Another meme/picture post describing some specific method for disciplining children. It may have been a chore chart, a way to handle grounded kids, or some other list of rules. Those things aren't bad things in and of themselves. Parents like to talk about their kids and parents like to share parenting ideas and resources. That's probably okay. But seeing that post brought to mind for me all the posts I've seen by parents about disciplining kids. From statements about "sparing the rod and spoiling the child" to more specific complaints about people's own children, I see way more information on Facebook about disciplining kids than I ever want to.

This post sparked a passionate conversation between my husband and I about why we will choose not to discuss our children's discipline on Facebook (or indeed in any public place, on the internet or otherwise). Here are a few of the reasons we discussed:

New Beginnings and Why I Love Moving

I must be one of the only people I know who actually kind of likes to move. We have moved twice so far in our married life, and we'll be moving about three times in the next two years. Sure, moving is a lot of work. I hate living out of boxes, and I have no idea how I will get all the packing and unpacking done with a baby around. But secretly, I look forward to moving. I daydream about packing boxes. Am I crazy? Yes, I admit that I probably am.

A Stay-At-Home Mom (With a Job)

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I plan to be a stay-at-home mom. I think about myself as a stay-at-home mom. And I am one, most of the time. After our daughter was born, I took 11 weeks off work. I started doing some work from home after about 8 weeks - just a few hours here and there - and then returned to part-time work at the 11 week mark. Right now I work two afternoons per week in the office and an additional 5-8 hours from home as time allows and as my job dictates. I like to think of myself as a stay-at-home mom, even though technically I work between 13 and 17 hours each week.

Now, we have been very blessed in that we have not needed child care. Jonathan has been able to be home with our little girl on the afternoons when I am at work, which is great. They get quality time together, I don't have a single worry about her, and it is free. I am also blessed with a great job that is very flexible about my hours and supportive of me cutting back to care for my daughter. I realize that I have been very fortunate and that I could have had to make even tougher decisions about jobs and childcare.

To be honest, if I could afford to not work at all, I probably would choose that route.

Searching for "Home"

My little family celebrated Easter weekend by travelling to Michigan to visit our larger family and friends and to worship at our home church. I always love going back "home." I have wonderful family who I enjoy very much, great friends who always make time for me whenever I am able to be in town, and I love the way we come back to visit and it seems as though we never left in terms of relationships with those we are closest to.

With our Easter trip still fresh in my mind and Call Day fast approaching, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be "home," where "home" really is, and the reality of this life we have chosen. Jonathan will find out a week from today where he will be serving for his vicarage (which is like a one-year internship as part of his four-year MDiv program), so we will find out in a week where we will be living the next year of our life, and it could be anywhere in the country! And then once he graduates from seminary in two years, we could be placed anywhere for his first call as a pastor. While all that is exciting, it is also pretty terrifying, especially for someone like me, who still longs to live near home and near family and friends.

Six Months of Joy

A week from tomorrow my baby girl turns 6 months old. Jonathan and I looked down at her feet the other day and were shocked by how big they were! I remember when she was born, if there was a fluff between her toes I couldn't do anything about it, because even my pinky finger couldn't fit between her tiny toes. But now I can easily clean out the fluffs. That may be a weird way to notice that your baby is growing up, but it really struck me when I realized that. She's going to be half a year old! It's not fair. She's growing into a child and out of a baby!

Now, at 6 months old, she is definitely still a baby. Which I remind myself when she chooses not to sleep through the night. But I am so afraid that she is going to grow up and leave and I will be baby-less! I simultaneously love watching her grow and hit milestones and dread it. It is just happening too fast! I need time to process. And time to cuddle. And time to enjoy her babyhood. But time goes as fast as it ever did, and she is going to keep growing. And I guess that's a good thing! 

These past six months have been tricky. The first few weeks and months with a newborn were very challenging, and although it has gotten easier and better, parenting is hard! It's hard work. It's long hours. It's late nights. But I have never been happier. Because through the challenges, there is the joy. Every day. 

Why Can't the Vaccine Debate be a Civil One?

Why is it that a certain level of animosity surrounds the vaccination debate? There are many things that parents disagree on and many things that different families do differently, but I don't think there are many issues more hotly contested than vaccinations. I am a person that believes strongly in parents making their own, educated and informed decisions, and I also believe in parents supporting each other and being civil, even when people make different decisions. But for some reason, the vaccine controversy seems to be an area where people cannot let it go and respect each other's differences. Vaccines are high-stakes, so naturally people get worked up about it.

I've thought about vaccines a lot recently, with having a new baby, with measles outbreaks in the news, and with having friends and acquaintances on both sides of the debate. This post is not going to be about whether or not you should vaccinate your kids. I am certainly not qualified to talk about that! Instead it is just my own thoughts as to why people get so tightly wound about this issue, and how we can better understand people on either side of the debate.

Charm Bracelet Giveaway!

On Monday I posted this post about how important I feel it is for me to remember the past several years and the experience my husband and I had with infertility. While I know that we are incredibly blessed to have our little girl, I don't want to forget what it was like to wait and wonder and hope and pray day after day and month after month. Infertility has changed me. It is part of my story now, part of the way I view my family, and part of they way I view my future.

One of the blessings I have experienced over the past several years is the women I have met along the way. I have been fortunate to have a great support group of ladies, many of whom I met online. Today's giveaway is a result of those connections.

Remembering the Journey

I still have this picture framed on my nightstand next to my bed:

After our first ultrasound at the end of February last year I brought this home, our one picture reminding me of that little flickering heartbeat on the screen, and put it in this frame next to my bed. During those early days of pregnancy when it is so easy to worry and doubt and symptoms come and go I would look at this picture and remember that tiny heartbeat often. Then the next ultrasound came, and our little baby was bigger, jumping all around. I could have replaced this picture with a new one. I could have replaced it with a profile picture from our ultrasound in June. I could have a picture of my baby after she was born by now, but I still keep that first ultrasound picture in the frame by my bed.

3 Great Reasons for Bible Time with Daddy

It was always our hope to have a time every day from "day one" where Jonathan could read the Bible to our children. Once we actually had a baby, we realized the idea of having a routine from "day one" was a little far-fetched, but somewhere around the 3 or 4 month mark we were able to start the routine of reading The Beginner's Bible to our daughter in the evenings before bed time. Occasionally she falls asleep before we get to Bible time, and that's okay, we put her in her crib and let it be. But I love the sight of my husband sitting with my little girl, reading her Bible stories while she reaches for the pages and tries to get them in her mouth.

Here are just a few of the reasons why we decided to make this "Bible Time" a priority from the beginning: 

5 Reasons Why My Kids Can Watch "Frozen" Over and Over Again

As a little girl, I had a few movies that I watched over and over and over again for years.  I would act out the movies, sing the songs, and pretend to be the main characters for days on end. The Sound of Music, The Wizard of Oz, Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella, among a few others come to mind. I feared that there might be very few, if any, movies made in my kid's lifetime that would be positive enough to let them watch so regularly. So many movies today have such worldly messages, negative themes, or even just crude humor that it is hard to imagine letting my children watch them. But when I recently saw Frozen, it completely surprised me by its awesomeness and positive messages.

Before you read the rest of my post I should warn you, THERE ARE SIGNIFICANT SPOILERS! If you haven't seen the movie, go out and see it, and then come back! I really do not want to ruin this for you, so please go see it before reading on.

Without further fuss, here are 5 reasons why I love this movie, and why I would let my little girl (and other future children) watch it as often as they like: